Not all virgins are ugly misogynist clueless idiots.

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There you have it. You're choosing your morals over sex, good for you. I appreciate strong morals, i really do, but it doesn't negate that you are choosing those over sex. You'll find that there aren't many choices where you get to keep your morals and get the prize too.

People will think virgins are ugly misogynists. No matter how much you cry. You will never make anyone shut up.
The only thing that will help you is recognize that the generalizations made by "randoms" have nothing to do with you.

Whatever, but I don't agree that paying for sex should be regarded as an option if you don't feel like it. I don't mind people who do it but I don't feel that paying for sex is like getting it other ways, it really feels different to me.
But I don't have a problem with other people's interpretations as long as they don't start screaming about entitlement and misogyny for so little, that is very hurtful.
About morals Idk, I think many guys who don't like prostitutes have happy relationship. I'm not implying that I will get one, btw.

I'm actually like you, I would never hire a prostitute, but again I realize that's a choice I'm making for my own morality...that and I really have no interest in someone whom I don't emotionally connect with first, lol. My point on this is that if virginity is a problem there's no one that can solve it but one's self. Yes, it takes another person, but that's just it-- disability or not, you have to make yourself appealing to another person because a sexual encounter isn't just about you and your wants, it's about theirs too.

I was going to say no female is going to sleep with you just because you're a virgin, but that's not true. One of my younger female friends is really into stealing the virginity of men. No s**t, it exists, but it's very rare and she's certainly not typical. Cool as all hell, yes, but typical no.

I understand it's hard seeing all of one's peers bragging about their sex life and putting down those without one, but you'll find that's just a temporary stage people go through and chances are the people bragging probably aren't going to be your friends in five years anyhow, so why blow a gasket over someone so insignificant?

The other thing I think going on with these virgin threads is that people are putting way too much emphasis on sex. I get the sense that the prostitute doesn't turn you off by what she does, but by what she can't do: provide emotional attachment. That is much more powerful than sex, and you're right no prostitute can give that because it's not a temporary thing, it's a long term investment.

What I said earlier was in a harsh tone, I usually don't use a harsh tone, but sometimes it's necessary to get people to see a point. I apologize if I offended you, I really do want to help, but sometimes help requires being an unlikeable hardass. Sabreclaw says "not by choice" is a small thing, I agree that it's a minor phrase, but I disagree on the power it holds. It sends a powerful message to the listener and the message isn't a positive one. Subconsciously people will pick up a sense of deflecting blame and defensiveness which makes them less likely to invest in you. I'd highly recommend eliminating that phrase and replacing it with "I'm a virgin. I've tried like hell, but it just never works." That's the kind of statement people will want to help you with because they sense you're working on it. I mean would you rather have a co-worker who says "I'm doing this job, but not by choice", or a co-worker who says "This job is really tough, but I'm gonna chop wood until it gets easy"?

edit: grammar, as always.

Last edited by Aristophanes on 07 Jan 2016, 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Indeed they already have it in their heads that lonely aspie men are misogynists by default. They'll just continue to come up with reasons to prove it regardless of logic and facts. Only being happy with us dead.

This whole "not by choice" is just looking for sexism where none exists. What woul they do if they couldn't fight and attack people over sexism, sit alone in their homes bored. Me myself I have hobbies so I need not rely on fighting with people to pass time.

From what I can see, the point is that this 'not by choice' crap just doesn't hold. In practical terms, a sex worker is an option. I don't think there's anything wrong with making a choice not to pursue that option, but one has made a choice. Just as I don't think it's wrong that, if the only offer of sex you've had is someone you find repulsive such that you have to take a pill to get an erection, you turn that offer down. I'd think it a sensible and reasonable choice, but it would still be a choice.

So what we actually have here isn't even 'I am a single/a virgin, but not by choice', but rather, 'I am single/a virgin, but not by any choice within the bounds of what I consider valid or reasonable or fair or that meet my standards'. Or, in other words, the exact same situation as anyone who is having trouble finding a romantic/sexual partner.

What Aristophanes says here makes sense to me. I do think that the "not by choice" phrase does come from a place of despair. They feel like no one can help them. There's nothing left, just emptiness. Why ask for help when you feel helpless?

Now here's an interesting thing. Can changing ones language actually change ones attitude? It's like the difference between seeing the glass half empty or half full.

I did not read this whole thread. I don't have that much patience. Especially for posts that don't use paragraphs (my eyes can't focus).

So, I'm just wondering who thinks virgins are ugly misogynist clueless idiots?

This is a serious question. Because this thread has me confused.

I find that statement to be hyperbolic in the extreme....and just not true.

It stem from a couple of female posters, trolls, who come on here and talk about how Aspie guys dirty up the gene pool or whatever. Bunch of nonsense!

I personally do not feel that way. It's pretty mean, actually, to make such a suggestion.

l would say at least 90% of the ladies here don't feel that way, either. Perhaps even the trolls!

I think you have a nice virtuous take on the situation.

The trolls have nothing better to do than to pull the chains of Aspie guys.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Jan 2016, 6:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think virgins are ugly misogynist clueless idiots...everyone is a virgin for some amount of time, afterall. My only argument here is that the men that are complaining about being a virgin need to realize that all the whining in the world will not solve their situation, they're the virgin, not someone else, that means it's their responsibility to solve it if it affects them and not someone else's responsibility.

All in all, it's better if virgins don't patronize sex workers for their "first time."

I don't think anyone here actually seriously does. There was the now-banned MissKong:

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/search.p ... 4&sr=posts

While I think she was harsh, I read what she said as tongue-in-cheek, pushing back against the 'women can get a date/laid whenever they want' and 'girls only want mean guys' bs that crops up here.

Otherwise, I think it's a confusion between attacking what someone says (were you up to reading through, you'd see many a thing about the phrase 'I'm a virgin, not by choice'), and attacking them because they're a virgin.

From what I can tell, a virgin male makes a remark, even has a rant, about his status and his difficulties finding a partner that lapses into sexism and idiocy. He gets pulled up for those lapses, the puller-upper may even remark that that kind of attitude won't help (or even with that kind of attitude they deserve their virgin status), and the virgin male then thinks they're being attacked for being a virgin.

There's a strange martyrdom thing going on with some men here. They seem to think that if other people have problems, this somehow diminishes theirs.

@Kraftie
I used to think the same thing, but I see all these young men with so much desire and so little to show for it and I'm now of the opinion that if virginity is affecting one's personality and behavior to the degree they only seethe bitterness, then yes they should visit a prostitute to alleviate the pressure of the stigma they feel. They'd realize that yes, sex is very pleasureable with another person, but it's not an end all be all to existence. Perhaps then with the release of that pressure they'd see that they were working themselves up over nothing and start to develop good attitudes towards the opposite sex which is necessary for what they really want-- not sex, but emotional connection.

Well, that's the sad reality of it-- they don't understand that negative attitudes are a complete non-starter in the dating game. They try, they fail, they become negative, they try again, become more negative. It's a very very bad cycle. At some point the negative thoughts get directed at women since they see women as the obstacle not their own presentation to women.

I personally have no idea what it feels like to be a male virgin of an age that some may view as "too old", but I wouldn't mind having someone explain it to me in a nice way.

It's hard to say if someone is complaining too much about the topic. I'm guessing it negatively affects self-esteem and a man's view of his own masculinity. Then maybe it's only all about the lack of sex. I really don't know.

I think if it's something that makes a person feel bad about himself, it shouldn't be taken lightly, even if others view it as a non-issue, or believe that he is bringing it upon himself.

At the very least, people should be free to vent, as long as they are following the rules. This is supposed to be a place where people who are different can get together and form a sort of community where they feel they belong. At least that's the impression I have. Please correct me if I'm wrong.