Involuntary Celibacy

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If I would have had that attitude about work when I couldn't find a job no matter how hard I tried, I'd still be unemployed.

If there is something about themselves that is preventing them from getting sex (eg, their personality, their attitude, their lack of personal hygiene), then they have a choice: change, or live without. What I can't stand is the incessant "poor me, the world is against me" attitude that I keep hearing from the incel community. Sex is so easy to get that if someone isn't getting any, for a very long period of time, and there isn't an over-riding physical or psychological condition in the way (see below)... if they're looking for someone to blame for their lack of success they should look in the mirror.



An agoraphobe can get treatment -- therapy, medication, whatever. But that's not really relevant since very few incels would qualify as agoraphobic. In fact, a true agoraphobic would qualify as "medcel" (medically celibate) rather than incel, because their celibacy is due to a medical condition. (In this case, a mental illness.)

Last edited by Xenon on 06 May 2007, 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sex doesn't pay the rent. Unless one works as a prostitute, that is...

You seem to be missing the point that you do not need a job to pay the rent.
Most European countries have a welfare state.
Also, there a some really 'rich', (the ones that charge the rent), do not do a days work in their life.
Both breed like rabbits.

Call it what you want 'incel', 'medcel'. Who gives a f**k ?
I know or care nothing about 'incel community'.
No-one is looking to blame anybody here, and we are not talking about success. We are talking about a biological function.

Are you politically correct?

I don't live in a European country. I live in a country where welfare is generally reserved for those who are genuinely unable to work. I am not one of those people, so I work.



I know about the Incel community. I just have a hard time taking the concept seriously.



I thought we were talking about the inability to perform said function, and the reasons for that inability.



Good lord, I hope not!

Yes you are lucky. You 'changed' and got your job.
The point which you are missing ( i dont know if deliberately or you are just ignorant) is that some people are autistic. Some may be more affected than you; some have difficulty saying more than, "hi how are you?"
Do you think they can look in the mirror and change, do you think that helps ?

I'm sorry, I thought this discussion was about InCels. Those who take the concept of Involuntary Celibacy seriously will exclude from its definition those who have a medical factor that contributes to their inability to find sex. And that exclusion would include Autism, and probably also include AS (though many Aspies are able to find sex).

So I'm not missing the point. It's just not relevant. For those of us here who identify as having AS who are also unsuccessful with finding sex, "Incel" is not the term I'd use.

LATER EDIT: I guess *my* point is that people with AS face different issues than those who identify as "Incel" (though some who identify as Incel may be undiagnosed AS who are unaware of their condition). So the label "Incel", IMO, would not be appropriate.

No. But they could hire a hooker. I don't think that anyone
has an excuse to say that they are completely incapable of
getting sex, unless they have some physical condition, which
precludes it.

really-well I couldn't bring myself to hire anyone

I'd have to say, no matter how it feels, it is still voluntary for me. My problem is for one if I'm not really into a girl or her personality I can't make myself move just to get myself taken care of - partly because that's a mode of mind I can't slip into for the life of me. The other issue, the hard side of having looks is that women who have looks - people who have looks in general I could say - tend to be fake, deceptive, and they're either all up in the game or if there is someone on your same level in regards to looks and happens to be a good person the sad fact of the odds is they're either very religious (good if you are, downer if you aren't) or other guys with enough guile to charm her realized what she was worth and cashed in so she's either happily married or has been engaged for a few years at least. The former part especially hits you hard, good looking NT's are extremely guiled up and your expected to be able to maintain on the high-life elite socialite level of skills in regard to being smooth, charismatic, charming, and half-way does less than cut it.


As for dating down the looks continuum, its tough because when you do get that sort of nervous attention from someone who feels like your out of their league you almost feel bad for em - its hard to feel the attraction back for various reasons and you know your emotions will just end up breaking things up (the more involuntary aspects of being a guy can be really annoying, especially when you really do care about other people's feelings and not being the prick bastard who got some and flaked out because he wasn't really attracted). It broke my heart when I was with someone one time on a date who I really liked and respected as a person but I found myself checking out other girls and almost self conscious of being with her - that was a painful jolt of reality on just how much I am just like any other guy, its easier to at least now have compassion for guys being guys and of course women wanting guys who are thugged out, edgy: I'd imagine the triggers are just as involuntary.

Sounds voluntary to me.
I couldn't bring myself to
have sex with someone I
wasn't attracted to. Don't
see a difference.

yeah me either but my attraction to people is-well I'm easy to please

There are other things I'd rather do with my money.

Just for fun, I once looked up info on the brothels an hour or so outside of Las Vegas (prostitution being legal in Nevada, but not in Clark County in which Las Vegas is located). Let's just say that I have better things to do with a thousand bucks. And that doesn't even include the plane fare and hotel stay.

How about changing your attitude? That might solve the problem right there.

Here's a suggestion: cut the crap. This is the love and dating forum, not the screaming and yelling forum. Quit acting like little kids before this thread gets locked.

haha, no wonder I haven't got any