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Messages women get in dating sites

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The Grand Inquisitor
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15 Jun 2016, 5:48 am

Chichikov wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
What's really hard is coming up with messages on Tinder when the people you match with have no bio. What exactly is the best protocol in that situation?

My advice is to not contact them at all. If they have no bio they're obviously not really interested in dating and are probably just playing around, or looking for an ego boost.


This'd be fine, except I get a match once in a blue moon, so it's not like I have the luxury of being picky. I've only got 14 matches total and I've been on-and-off the app for several months.



Alliekit
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15 Jun 2016, 7:13 am

Sweetleaf you are on a roll!! I agree with everything you've said!



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2016, 7:32 am

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It takes all of 5-10 minutes to look through someones profile...not really that much effort or time. And dating sites aren't going to work for everyone probably


You are talking as if a good personalized message will guarantee a response.

It doesn't, far from it.

It takes a huge effort if the response rate is 1 out of 100 (and logically, not all of those 1s are guaranteed dates, it can be like 1 out of 10 of those 1s will accept to date).

Why? Because the other 99 girls don't find the guy handsome/attractive, even if his first messages are personalized, polite and creative ending with a question, it doesn't matter. Plenty of other guys are doing the same, the whole personalization+ask-a-question is a mainstream cliche anyway.

100 x 10 minutes =1000 minutes; that's 16 hours straight for a 100 lot only (which may not be enough)....are you imagining how much effort that it takes? You know, we guys also have lives, we need to work, eat and poop too; we have other things than crafting personalized messages just because some strangers on the internet, who may or may not see us attractive whatever we do, want to feel appreciated for what they wrote on profile.

It's getting fit and the beach pics that increased the response rate to my first messages to like 200%.

Not the personalization of first messages.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Jun 2016, 7:40 am, edited 2 times in total.

Chichikov
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15 Jun 2016, 7:36 am

If you're sending messages to 100 women then you are part of the problem.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2016, 7:44 am

Chichikov wrote:
If you're sending messages to 100 women then you are part of the problem.


So if the guy sticks to the personalization rules perfectly, and messages only 5 girls; yet no one of them found him attractive looking enough.

What should he do? To stop online dating altogether just to avoid the judgement of Chichikov on WP?



Alliekit
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15 Jun 2016, 7:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
It takes all of 5-10 minutes to look through someones profile...not really that much effort or time. And dating sites aren't going to work for everyone probably


You are talking as if a good personalized message will guarantee a response.

It doesn't, far from it.

It takes a huge effort if the response rate is 1 out of 100 (and logically, not all of those 1s are guaranteed dates, it can be like 1 out of 10 of those 1s will accept to date).

Why? Because the other 99 girls don't find the guy handsome/attractive, even if his first messages are personalized, polite and creative ending with a question, it doesn't matter. Plenty of other guys are doing the same, the whole personalization+ask-a-question is a mainstream cliche anyway.

100 x 10 minutes =1000 minutes; that's 16 hours straight for a 100 lot only (which may not be enough)....are you imagining how much effort that it takes? You know, we guys also have lives, we need to work, eat and poop too; we have other things than crafting personalized messages just because some strangers on the internet, who may or may not see us attractive whatever we do, want to feel appreciated for what they wrote on profile.

It's getting fit and the beach pics that increased the response rate to my first messages to like 200%.

Not the personalization of first messages.


I never ever responded to topless pics or pics or posey guys. I would look at their picture and think what a douche. I'm sure there are plenty of not tinder women who think the same



Alliekit
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15 Jun 2016, 8:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
If you're sending messages to 100 women then you are part of the problem.


So if the guy sticks to the personalization rules perfectly, and messages only 5 girls; yet no one of them found him attractive looking enough.

What should he do? To stop online dating altogether just to avoid the judgement of Chichikov on WP?


I'm not saying people shouldnt message a lot. But from a woman's point of view if you get 50 messages that all say 'hi, how are you" it gets a bit samey. If one guy out of 50 said "hi, I saw you play dragon age. What's your favorite character?" I'm more likely to respond to them because it stands out amount all the "hi how are you" guys



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2016, 8:01 am

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I never ever responded to topless pics or pics or posey guys. I would look at their picture and think what a douche. I'm sure there are plenty of not tinder women who think the same


I don't care if you think of me of being douche just because I picked a beach pic (and beach pic is totally mainstream in summer), others will respond. :|



kraftiekortie
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15 Jun 2016, 8:04 am

It seems to me that the guy has to show some intelligence.

A generic "Hi, How are you?" doesn't show much intelligence.



Chichikov
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15 Jun 2016, 8:07 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
If you're sending messages to 100 women then you are part of the problem.


So if the guy sticks to the personalization rules perfectly, and messages only 5 girls; yet no one of them found him attractive looking enough.

What should he do? To stop online dating altogether just to avoid the judgement of Chichikov on WP?

He should persevere I guess. However if he was sending 100 messages then he obviously can't actually like all 100 women and feel he has a chance at a relationship with each of those 100 women so all he is really doing is spamming the member base, playing a numbers game and hoping for a hit and in the process devaluing the system.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2016, 8:21 am

Chichikov wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
If you're sending messages to 100 women then you are part of the problem.


So if the guy sticks to the personalization rules perfectly, and messages only 5 girls; yet no one of them found him attractive looking enough.

What should he do? To stop online dating altogether just to avoid the judgement of Chichikov on WP?

He should persevere I guess. However if he was sending 100 messages then he obviously can't actually like all 100 women and feel he has a chance at a relationship with each of those 100 women so all he is really doing is spamming the member base, playing a numbers game and hoping for a hit and in the process devaluing the system.


What if he lives in a big country and there's like 10000 on the dating site? 100 is merely 1%.
The 100 was just an example number, stop dwelling on this number. Virtually, even 10x10 =100 mins is potentially a big waste of time.



Alliekit
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15 Jun 2016, 8:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
I never ever responded to topless pics or pics or posey guys. I would look at their picture and think what a douche. I'm sure there are plenty of not tinder women who think the same


I don't care if you think of me of being douche just because I picked a beach pic (and beach pic is totally mainstream in summer), others will respond. :|


Sorry I didn't mean it like that I mean like he guys who are posing to show of their muscles. Not just a happy beach pic. That just shows you have a life. Activity pics are always more popular



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2016, 8:42 am

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Sorry I didn't mean it like that I mean like he guys who are posing to show of their muscles. Not just a happy beach pic. That just shows you have a life. Activity pics are always more popular

[/quote]

This is an old post of mine from an old thread:

This is back in the days when I was active on okc, as you can see, most of the Okcupid emails in the first screen shots are not really about new message, but about New matches and forgotten password....automated messages. You can clearly see the huge time gaps between one New message and another.

While you can clearly see the tons of New Messages received in the second screenshot, within small time gaps.

I never talk things out of nowhere, I experiment, and show concrete results.

Quote:
Some comparison of before vs after


BEFORE THE SHIRTLESS PIC (notice the huge date gaps), and most of them were e just "New Matches notifications"- even tho probably some of the old message notifications were lost in the spam folder i guess but this still reflects the gap rate:

Image


JUST AFTER THE SHIRTLESS PIC (was post on May 29)

Image



Good day, lads and gentlemen.


viewtopic.php?f=6&t=200381



rdos
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15 Jun 2016, 8:43 am

Chichikov wrote:
He should persevere I guess. However if he was sending 100 messages then he obviously can't actually like all 100 women and feel he has a chance at a relationship with each of those 100 women so all he is really doing is spamming the member base, playing a numbers game and hoping for a hit and in the process devaluing the system.


But online dating is a big number game, so if you don't send 100s of messages, your chances to get a response (and a date), will be minimal. In fact, it is the knowledge that so few guys get answers from girls that drives them to create more messages, which give even more spam for women, and forces them to be even more picky.



Chichikov
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15 Jun 2016, 8:46 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What if he lives in a big country and there's like 10000 on the dating site? 100 is merely 1%.
The 100 was just an example number, stop dwelling on this number. Virtually, even 10x10 =100 mins is potentially a big waste of time.

I'm not dwelling on the number, I used that number as you gave it in your example. Let's replace "100" with "a large number of women" and my point still stands, you can't possibly feel you have a good connection with that many women that you want to message them.



Chichikov
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15 Jun 2016, 8:51 am

rdos wrote:
But online dating is a big number game, so if you don't send 100s of messages, your chances to get a response (and a date), will be minimal. In fact, it is the knowledge that so few guys get answers from girls that drives them to create more messages, which give even more spam for women, and forces them to be even more picky.

If you are attractive, good body, good job etc it's not a numbers game. If you're average then it can be a numbers game, but what I'm saying is that if you message a large number of women you are not being very selective so the chances that anyone who responds will be a good match for you are minimal. I know the language is pejorative, but the kind of guy that messages lots of women just looking for a "hit" are desperate for any relationship for a relationship's sake, they're not looking to genuinely meet people they feel they are compatible with, and women aren't interested in meeting those kinds of guys which is probably one of the reasons they ignore the copy+paste messages.