I broke up with my aspie boyfriend...could I have done more?

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I haven't read all the responses to your post yet, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I am a NT who became friends with an aspie (undiagnosed as far as I know). The relationship turned sexual then suddenly that stopped after 7 months (no explanation other than "sex involves too many emotions for women") and went back to friendship, although we did a lot of things together and hung out almost every night. He was perfect in the beginning - polite, charming, affectionate gestures - I couldn't ask for a more perfect gentleman. It didn't take too long for most of that to stop and I witnessed his opinionated, sometimes obnoxious, black/white side...often with sudden outbursts out of nowhere; never knowing if what I said or did might trigger one. He is extremely critical. I know his opinionated (sometimes rude) actions have cost him some friendships. He has said some very hurtful things to me but I always forgave him even though he never asked for forgiveness.

It was during this time that I began researching and realized he fit most of the Asperger's criteria. Even with all the negative things, I knew he had a good heart and I still hoped things would work out for us. I was in a bad marriage for many years; he has never been married. Even with his flaws, I was willing to accept him as he is because I know he will be faithful to whomever he ends up with. We spent a lot of time together until about 2 months ago when things quickly changed. He suddenly stopped hanging out with me. As far as I know, he is spending time alone at home. There is still contact but very little in person. Over the last year he mentioned wanting to have a family and I know he gets depressed because he isn't married yet. My kids are grown and I won't be having any more so maybe he decided I wasn't marriage material....I don't know. Every time I have questioned him about his behavior/reasoning in the past, I never get a good answer so I stopped questioning him about things. He thinks very logically - not emotionally. I just felt the various changes in our relationship were due to Asperger's and maybe he was unable to explain things to me. We have been hanging out for over a year now and I feel like I have lost my best friend. I don't know if he lost interest, if I said something to offend him, or if he is interested in someone else - I may never know. I don't have any answers for you, but just wanted you to know you're not alone. I do know that this relationship has caused me a great deal of stress over the last year and I don't deserve that. I hope I will heal soon and be able to move on.

Well I too have literally just (today) finished my friendship/relationship with my aspie man . . . . . . This is more difficult than I thought . . . .and truthfully I don't think he will miss me

That is a great shame. I wish we weren't so hard to approach sometimes. I wish there were more girls like you, being open about your feelings. That's what we need. More people like you.

I am feeling very sad. As I say more difficult that I thought. It begins to feel like we are going around in ever decreasing circles . .. . . .. Everything I have said about this man stands the same. I think he is totally funny, cool,and one of the funniest people I have ever met. However not having someone able to let you know how they feel takes its toll. I find myself doubting his feelings for me more and more . . . . .then I push him for validation. Which he is unable to,give in a way that is satisfactory for my needs . . . . . .it does feel that as time goes on he became less able to tell me he cares? Anyone explain why that may be. Anyway this is where we are . . . . And it's sad because I really really cared for him

He says I should take it as it is ie we spend time together, he enjoys spending time with me, we have really nice times. That should be enough. He asks why I need it further validated?

He said . . . .. . I really do not want to take advantage of you ( he knows I am emotionally vulnerable) I enjoy seeing you, I am grateful for all you do for me. Perhaps I don't not show it enough but it is true

The reason he says that is because I reminded him when we first met that I warned him that I was very emotional vulnerable (long story other stuff this isn't straight forward) we have known each other for a year. He has previously told me he cares, that I'm lovely and v special . . .. . .c. I think I am probably being too needy but it just has seemed recently that he is a bit more distant . . . . .although when we are actually together he is more spontaneous with hugs and holding hands . . . .but as for verbalising feelings less so

I hope you find a man who is more suited to long-term relationships, and to being consistently affectionate.

No person is worth all this heartache. I wish you could just go see a good movie.

That's what I would do if I found myself alone. Many times, I wish I were alone.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Thank you Kraftie . . .. I am ok. I have many very good friends who look out for me. This situation is not straight forward but maybe we are better apart. I don't know. I just know he will always be a very special. He arrived in my life when I most needed him. I would hate to feel I'm giving up on him because he is different, but so difficult to tell what is neuro diversity and what is him stepping backwards

It sounds like you were very willing to help and make allowances for his social difficulties, but he needed to at least TRY to meet you half-way. He wouldn't try, or he couldn't. If he just wouldn't, then that's his own fault. If he actually couldn't, well... that's very sad, but not something you can change, and the relationship wasn't one you could stay in and be happy. I think you did the right thing for both you and him.

I don't know. Yes o was very willing . .. . . .but he did do,a lot of really lovely things for me.