Proposal was ruined

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It's the thought that counts right? Some things can't be perfect unfortunately but now you have the story about how you got sick and messed up the perfect proposal! I'm assuming you're saying yes so you're going to the same place, better to be happy about that than to dwell too much over spilled milk. Hopefully you can now live happily ever after.

Sorry about the disrespect

Anyway, I'm sorry this happened, but at least you had a nice getaway to Venice, right?

And as Jacoby says, perhaps one day in the future something even more extravagant and romantic can end up happening.

Who knows what potential there is. Paris? Spain?

You only get one proposal, and I'm sure whatever proposal it happens to be one day will be absolutely amazing. And the wedding? Even better than that.

Your boyfriend clearly loves and cares about you very much to have tried to plan all this in the first place - expect something good.

Come on, Alliekit....please come back. We miss you!

You're an absolute cutie-pie....and a smart researcher to boot!

Yeah, it was a cheap shot. Sorry.

So we are engaged now but i still am feeling really depressed about it. The proposal was rushed and we were kinda just like we'll we may as well be engaged.

I know it sounds really shallow but I'm genuinely distraught he didn't come up with abother idea. I know it's stupid but its something I've always dreamed about and when I was going through a difficult time something I thought I would never get.

I can't help but be tearful when people congratulate me and ask me how we got engaged.

This whole thing has really got me down. I'm ashamed of myself for not being happy

Also did the toilet talk have to happen I already feel like its a s**t situation without a discussion about toilets of all things

Alliekit, I'm so sorry to hear how sad you're feeling. While it's great that you're engaged and that's the main thing, I totally, totally understand you and get where you're coming from regarding your feelings about how it came about. There is nothing wrong with experiencing feelings of let-down that something didn't go the way you had hoped it would or even knew it was planned to go.

As described up-thread, my own proposal was the same, just "talking about it" and "might as well" stuff. Even though it shouldn't really matter, it's not exactly the stuff of dreams, lol. "Might as well" never feels that great.

I get the feeling you probably already know that it's fabulous that you're engaged and that's something to be happy about -- I don't think you need that information, lol. But I do think it's legitimate to feel sad that things weren't how you or even your boyfriend originally planned. Don't feel bad about feeling let down by the method. You already know that in the big picture it doesn't matter. But it's not shallow to wish it had been more memorable, especially since you know there was already a plan for that. It's not shallow, it's just human, and as humans we all mostly have mundane lives and there's nothing wrong in hoping that some moments, just some moments, might be a bit less mundane just for fun and memories. That's not shallow, just wishes for a few stand-out moments, and we all need those.

I hope you feel better. Perhaps --- and you needn't do this if you think it will hurt anything -- but perhaps you could take your fiance to a place you both love and which means something special to both of you. Secretly (or not secretly) bring some champagne-type drinks or a nice picnic, and then say to him that since you guys didn't get to have a special setting for the big question, lets do it over now just for fun. You could be playful and slip the ring into his jacket pocket while he's unaware, and say hmm, is there something in your jacket I might have mislaid? Get him to ask you all over again in the special spot, making it playful and light and sort of "go on, ask me again, but all special this time!" It might be fun even though you might both feel silly. Then you'll have that story to tell "Well it all went wrong in Venice but then I made him take us out to this lovely beach we like in Cornwall, and I egged him on to do it proper-like'"!

I get what your saying and I've talked about us doing something special but I feel like I'm always the one planning stuff. I don't know why he couldn't of waited and done something else. It's not like I wanted him to jump off a plane or anything. I'm a romantic and always dreamed about my proposal. Now it's something I will never have.

Alliekit: he did think of Venice.

I understand your distress.

Please let him make up for the relatively nonromantic proposal it by being faithful to you for many years, and by doing little romantic gestures.

I hope you have a similar sense of humor and can laugh together, I tend to think that these experiences become very funny stories in years to come, not now though I understand. Perhaps the sweet idea he had of proposing in Venice not going to plan was difficult for him too, I think for most people preparing to propose is super stressful.

Keeping a marriage/long term relationship healthy takes a certain amount of resilience, these type of disappointments are a part of being in a relationship, but the thing is that you experience these challenges together, like you are now. I like the idea of a month from now going away for a romantic weekend to celebrate the anniversary of your engagement

Alliekit, if you keep thinking that negatively of your engagement, your proposal won't be the only thing that got ruined, your relationship will also be ruined.

Your relationship is way more important than a movie-theme ultra romantic scene of proposal.

Don't throw it away for something which... one day, hopefully, you'll realize how trivial it is.

Plus there's still the wedding, the honeymoon, marriage anniversary annually, valentines... you'll have plenty of romantic occasions to celebrate.

I am out of the thread, I won't touch it anymore.

I agree with Boo, there is much more to come in terms of romantic celebrations -- you have the wedding day itself to plan for now and to look forward to! Weddings can be the most wonderful, memorable day for all concerned; there's a lot to look forward to right there. Personally I just want to go shopping for the dress, lol. Then a honeymoon -- perhaps going back to Venice and having a laugh about what went wrong there the first time, and this time here you are married.

It's totally understandable to be upset and let down, as you only get one chance to have this as a memory, ideally. But now it's important to focus on the relationship's health and wellbeing, as this is the whole point of being together when all is said and done.

Plus -- the wedding!! ! The dress! What are you going to choose? I wish I'd had a chiffon gown, one of those floaty, casual ones they call "beach wedding" gowns, just simple but lovely. For some reason I'm obsessed with floaty chiffon.

Awh Alliekit don't feel down. I'm sorry I was a bit blunt earlier in the thread. I'm just jealous you got to go to Venice at all. It's a really cool place.

To be honest people are a pain in the neck with their, "how did you get engaged" questions. People always seem to nosey into personal things. Don't let that ruin it for you.

You do have a story though. Maybe you can weave it into a good tale. My friends managed to turn their engagement disaster stories into fun stories. It wasn't quite what they wanted, but these couples are still together after 8 or so years.

Congratulations on your engagement by the way.

I agree, some people are really nosy about asking that engagement story question. It's potentially intrusive because some couples' "story" might actually be quite private. I once heard about some celebrity admitting that the proposal happened during sex, or shortly thereafter, and they didn't know what to tell people when everyone asked the inevitable "So how and where did the proposal happen?" Some of this stuff can be awfully personal.

Oh Alliekit....don't be so sad. You are a sweet woman. And he digs the heck out of you.

I hope he thinks of something raunchy tonight

Venice is a trashy city. I wouldn't even want to propose there.