Creepiness

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I believe in friendship even more than I believe in peanut butter.

Interesting. Of those two things, I only know the latter, and it makes me fat

yes! (Also I love your avatar )

Hopper, here is my answer at least for me that is. I did not know that it was a form of a polite rejection nor did I understand the reasoning why women do that. I don't have psychic powers or telepathy to discern that. As I was growing up, no one told me this or explained this to me.

Let's look at this in the philosophical sense. We can't do good for and/to others or avoid doing evil for and to evil if we don't what good and evil are. We can't avoid wrongdoing if we don't know what is wrong and the reasoning behind why it is wrong.

Social misunderstandings are pretty par for the course with autism/asperger's etc.; it's true what you say, you have to learn wrong/right good/evil etc. and if it's not stated explicitly then brains like ours are going to struggle. It must have been hard not understanding why women offer friendship after rejection, since the two seem kind of contradictory. In that light I can see why guys (ND and NT) can have such negative views on 'friendzoning'; it's confusing, frustrating, embarrassing even. You put yourself out there, and nobody likes being rejected.

I now have a better understanding of the male perspective . I would say just try and remember that from the woman's perspective, this would have been an awkward interaction too, and offering to be friends is the go-to nicest solution (girls are trained to be nice and gentle, and will often go there automatically ).

Quotes from the Chinese girl I was dating - "You're strange" "You keep staring at me".

True she barely knew English but it was about my body language, not my choice of words. For her to know my body language is abnormal does not require her to be fluent in English.

Yes we're screwed!

As women get older, they get less stressed when you "stare" at them.

Just because I've friendzoned a few girls, that doesn't mean you should call them jerks.

Good to know kraftie. The girl in question was a young whipper snapper of 25.

I get the feeling she was sort of paranoid.

I hate her already When you get to be my age, try dating a girl 5 or 6 years younger than you, that way the two of you will be closer in achievement level and maturity.Yeah, what's up with that. I try to post when I'm logged in and it tells me to log in so I log in and it takes me to the main menu so I go to the thread and paste my post into the box and press submit and it tells me to log in again. Repeat five times.

I would be scared to if I was living in a foreign country where I barely knew the language.

Taking Aaendi's definition, I would say that, philosophically, if one knows what the friendzone is, then one can't be friendzoned, and if one does not know what the friendzone is, then one cannot be friendzoned either. In neither situation can one meaningfully experience the so-called 'friendzone'.

First instance:

A: Hello. Would you go on a date with me?
B: No, I'm sorry. I do like you, but not like that. Maybe we could be friends?
A: Well, I know what that means. I recognise that women have been socialised to avoid conflict and hurt, and you've chosen to let me down gently with a sincerely insincere offer of a friendship that you have no real interest in pursuing. In the interest of mutual dignity, I'll drop the matter. All the best.
B: And you.

Second instance:

A: Hello. Would you like to go on a date with me?
B: No, I'm sorry. I do like you, but not like that. Maybe we could be friends?
A: I'm going to take that literally, and proceed as I wish on the offer, and see what happens. I have no notion that I have just been politely turned away or, if you will, 'friendzoned'.

Of course, it's not exactly as simple as that (nothing ever is, as my sig constantly seeks to make clear), especially where human emotions and wants and needs are involved, caught up in the nexus of social and cultural constraints and pressures. And I don't think it's just NDs who struggle to understand this nexus - NTs do, too. Hell, I think NDs can be quicker to see it, as they are more consistently thrown by the gap between what is said and what is meant, and so turn to an analysis to try and make sense of it.

If you know that, Mr. Retro, then why do you think you're "screwed" if women perceive you as "staring" at them--when it might just be their own wariness.

This is my mantra: #$%#$ statistics within a social-science/dating/romance context.

Hahahaha. Like women haven't been killed for rejecting men lol. Take it from a guy to not get that. Aside from not wanting to hurt feelings, we're often trying to avoid conflict. I've had guys get super aggressive when I've rejected them bluntly.

When we reject men like that it's because we're afraid of how they'll react if we just say no. Even if they don't get physically violent, they can get verbally violent.

Also why we rarely rebuke men who catcall us or make us uncomfortable in public. I get catcalled and hit on by strangers a lot, and I don't even feel safe telling them they're making me uncomfortable or even scaring me.

If only there was a law against that.