Is my girlfriend too much about money?

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Oh I've been through ur situation before when I was much younger. I'm so glad we broke up then all my headaches and anxiety ended with the relationship ending. Put it behind you. Do not pay someone elses debts, ever. Once you give someone money they just keep asking for more.

Okay thanks. I thought maybe I could be wrong, and maybe she is actually desperate for money, in a legitimate way.

However, today I had a talk with her on the phone, about helping her pay her dental bill, which I already helped her pay quite a bit of it. She said the remainder was three hundred, and something. I asked her how much it was exactly. She said she just needs 300 and that's it, and asked me if I did not believe her, and asked why she had to show me the specifics. I said I believed her, I just wanted to see the specifics so we could come up with a plan.

I told her we should come up with a plan to pay for it together and maybe cut corners with our money, if she wants me to help her pay it, and that we can come up with a plan together.

She then went cold in her voice on the phone, and sighed, and said nevermind, forget it, and went off the subject.

You must ask yourself this question... is this woman worth it to you? While you are wise to seek some feedback, id caution against,how much weight you put into what people here are advising you... this is your realtionship... someone you want to marry... no one here knows more than you about whats going on and people are very quick to label money mismanagement as being a deathblow... is it possible you just have a spolied woman? Yeah... it is. Thing is if thats true, someone else will likely be willing to spoil/support her if you will not... you must play this very carefully... while there are warning signs here... maybe your friend who knows you and the situation knows better than a bunch of ppl on an interet message board.... its your relationship, dont go making hasty,decisions based off of what uninformed people say... theres wisdom to be gleaned from most of it, but you will know best... dont worry if yiure doing the 'right' thing.... do what feels right.... could you be beig taken advantage of? Sure... its also possible for all anyone know ls here you have an amazing woman who sucks at making/managing but otherwise is a dream come true... we all have our warts... just giving benefit of the doubt to your girl here... she could be a b***h... could also just be immature...

If she is worth it you just need to find a way to make enough money for everything she needs.

I'd say you did a good job and maybe got her thinking. It is not mistrust on your part. A couple is not only a romantic relationship but also a business partnership. Bills and debts need to be paid first, then savings, and fun time is the profit. This may seem unromantic but it's the way life works and must be approached objectively. Living from paycheck to paycheck and constantly being in debt is stressful, and only breeds suspicion and resentment.

I won't recommend that you dump her because compatible partners are very hard to find, but partners must be honest with each other about spending. I remember many couples coming back to me and saying how much happier they were after getting their finances in order. For example, saving up for something you both want such as a nice vacation is very rewarding.

Okay thanks for the input everyone. Based on what I said about how she went cold, after I wanted to see the exact amount and wanted to come up with a plan with her, instead of just giving her the 300, along with the other 1000 that I gave her, would you say that maybe aside from being in debt, that she kind of has a poor attitude as well, on top of that?

I think Private idaho has given some really good advice. It may be you've got the ball rolling and she just needs some time to think about it. Try again and see how she responds.

But she wasn't willing to come up with a plan with me. Doesn't that say that she just wants me to write her a check maybe, rather than planning and budgeting?

At least try again. After so many years of just giving in, this idea of sorting things out is new and people don't like change.

Sit down together with a spreadsheet or at least a pen and paper and discuss it with something in front of you where you can write stuff down.

She might not know anything about planning and budgeting.

I just tried again just now. I told her that I love her and that the ring means something important between us and I don't want her to sell it. She had this sad look, and just said "anyway, I'm going to go finish cleaning the house and get ready for work".

I hate to barge in again. I'm confused. Are you two engaged? Are you just living together? How do you pay the bills now?

I'm used to living on my own and I wouldn't be living with anyone unless I was married. So up until that time, I would be paying all of my own bills. Once I got married then it would be our money and a plan would have to be made. This living together stuff is confusing.

Ok, if she's getting ready for work now, that's not a good time to bring it up. You need to set aside a time when you are both relaxed and are not planning on going anywhere. Maybe after your evening meal.

I don't know if that is the gist of what you said to her or if it is all you said to her, but that's not enough. You need to present her with a solid plan otherwise she's going to feel like you're suddenly pulling the rug out from under her feet.

Print out a budget sheet like this:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/Documents/Advice%20factsheets/Debt/d-budget-sheet.pdf

Show it to her and ask her to help you fill it out. Having something solid in your hand shows that you are serious and that she can't just brush this under the carpet and avoid the issue. It gives her something to respond to.

Go online and find a budget planner spreadsheet. If you don't have Microsoft excel on your pc download OpenOffice and use their spreadsheet programme.

http://www.openoffice.org/download/

Here's a link to a Huffpost article on good budget planners.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-lotich/5-household-budget-templa_b_5696244.html

Okay thanks. She brought it up before work. I agree that we should have talked about it later, but she often doesn't want to wait.

I want to present a solid plan, but I cannot do that until she gives me all the information about her situation, which she has not. I told her we should go over it on the weekend, when we have time, but she did not want to wait, so I couldn't present a solid plan on the time she has allotted me when she brings it up. Did I pull the rug out from under her unintentionally? Cause all I asked is for us to come up with a plan together, before she changed the subject. Does the solid plan have to be all mine and mine alone to present, without any input from her, as we come with it?

And no, we do not live together, but in separate places.

Sorry, I didn't mean rock solid. I meant a step up from a vague suggestion of "I think we should do this".

Give her a budget sheet and ask her to fill it in and see if she does it or maybe just give her time to look over it and think about it. (But not a budget sheet you have created yourself that will look controlling. Just download a generic one off the internet)

I dont' think you've pulled the rug out from under her feet. I think you are being reasonable. I mean that she may feel like you have and she's not prepared for the unexpected surprise. Let it sink in.

Last edited by hurtloam on 28 Sep 2016, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

How am I suppose to do that though, when I don't even know what her budget is though?