Opinions on love

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Maybe it's cause I live in the pnw but seems every single woman here does lots of outdoors stuff.

Mean yeah we're surrounded by forests, mountains, rivers and have quick access to the coast but I'd rather stay on inside where it's warm and dry and relax
There's no girls for me:(
Why would a girl who rock climbs, hike, camps and travels the world want a guy who just likes to stay inside and go camping once a year or so.

I also don't want a girl who'd be constantly leaving me to go travel different nations. How do they keep jobs?

I don't know what to think I'm in a point in my life where the whole idea of love is being challenged. I've always hated the idea that it could be anyone and not someone that I shared a lot in common with. I'm starting to accept that it's not a bad thing and that if it's love it won't feel random like people tell me it will it will just feel right. The moment will just be random. Love is as complicated as you make it out to be `ya know.

Does that make sense?

So outdoor hobbies are the way to go huh? Those aren't boring?

I actually kind of want to get back into outdoors stuff, it was a lot bigger part of my life in Wisconsin but that's an entirely different environment that I was use compared to the urban desert hellscape I currently live in. There is some best scenery in the world in this state I think but everything is so far away here and I don't have a car. Back home I use to go fishing, hunt, and just wander thru the forests of northern Wisconsin exploring and taking in nature.

Ironically, unlike what I hear from a lot of aspie men who here require an 'intelligent' woman, I LOVE 'boring', 'simple' and very average, normal girls and women.

I find the super outgoing, extraverted adventurous types a complete turn off.

I'd rather date a 'super boring' girl who just goes to work and then watches tv and movies when she gets home and browses her facebook wall on her phone if she likes me for who I am and is good at and enjoys conversation.

I'd rather date that instead of a social extraverted world traveling artist musician writer actor dancer theatre kayaking vegan crossfitter personal trainer nutritionist New Ageist nerd hipster bisexual genderqueer liberal feminist with a degree in Environmental Science and currently studying a Law degree.

Oh god...the horror.

I find 'super interesting' girls complete overkill who can't seem to have a slower, more relaxed pace in life and appreciate the simpler things.

I love 'boring' small talk, I love mundane existence.

Simple girls with simple pleasures.

Someone to just go for walks with, or chill at the arcade or fast food restaurant, or at the park. Whatever. We don't need Paris, Rio and Tokyo.

Funny you bring that up. I don't think I know what I like anymore. I know I probably wouldn't like a girl version of myself, maybe that's my problem though. Hmm.

I do think my biggest crush probably ruined me for anyone good. Almost nothing alike other than us both having some type of depression or anxiety and feeling lonely. The difference was she's got all this attention from everyone and is never really alone, so I don't really understand. She would complain about her boyfriends and exes and how badly they treated her, all the while I'm nothing but nice and then get called clingy for it...excuse me for not having many other friends, especially when it's you demanding most of my time. She assumed I was only nice to make her like me, well I think it's only fair she was using me for emotional support, which she rarely ever returned if not berating me for my own problems.

To be fair it seems that way with most female friends...I help them through things as much as I can but when I need help the only responses are suggestions to see a therapist, man up, or just ignore me entirely. It's not like this is just one type either. I try to make friends with anyone from anywhere from any age, without exception this is how I'm treated just because of my gender.

So I really don't know that I can respect anyone let alone love anyone when they are not as supportive as they gloat that they are. Nice guys, pfft, try making Nice Girls a trend because that's the way I've been treated for a long time despite not having hurt more than a couple people in my life. Maybe I should start not caring about people's problems either but then they start ignoring you and you have absolutely no one.

I miss having had my crush text me all the time, even if we had next to no common interests. At least it was something, compared to now, where people who said they'd be there for me never text or call or are just flat out gone. Maybe I should quit my job or run away and find some place to rot because who cares

My last crush was pretty much an opposite sex version of myself and we're good friends today who message each other all the time.

We live too far away to see each other, though.

She had a crush on me back when we were both in high school but life interfered before either of us had a chance to really make anything happen and just before I could ask her out.

She's technically an unemployed high school dropout.

She, along with a few of my previous crushes and my first ex-girlfriend, helped me realize that is what my type and taste is; lower middle class girls who've had a bit of a 'hard life' like I have, possibly with a few mental disorders such as Anxiety, Depression, etc. tomboyish, laidback and simple tastes and lifestyles.

My first girlfriend though had learning difficulties and BPD and she was too negative and aggressive and hard to deal with.

My family is lower middle class so sometimes I meet girls around my age through family friends, but most of them have been too affected by their negative families and are either mentally messed up, 18 y.o. knocked-up baby mama's with the father an abusive ar5éh•le and ran off to leave her with the kid, or otherwise just 'unambitious' and by that I mean high school dropouts, no interest in working, etc.

The rare gems, like my friend who used to be my crush, and this other 15 year old girl I met through family friends, are extremely hard to find, but every rare gem I have found tends to be attracted to me emotionally and/or physically back.

Hmmm...

I wish it were easier to tell which girls are lower middle class and 'struggling' with some sort of mental disorder.

Seems most girls and women are middle class, of course, and are all so privileged, adventurous, amazing and interesting, independent and have a normal, N.T. level of functioning in society.

I feel I can't live up to their standards and would just come across as 'boring' and 'dependent' to them.

It's probably why I love 'boring' girls so much - I always feel like the more 'interesting' one by comparison.

It actually surprises me that, when talking to my female friend, for once in my life I feel like the one who's seen more, done more and experienced more than she has.

I almost never feel this feeling in my life. I always feel like some boring Asperger's guy who just sits around at home or walks around the block when it comes to N.T. females.

A good method to figure out what types you're attracted to is to compare every past crush and find the similarities and averages.

This is what I've always done and the above is what the results have generally been.

Phenotypically similar girls also are a common pattern; light tan skin, dark brown eyes and hair, relatively similar level of fitness, same/similar ethnicity, etc.

I wish you, and your alter ego, would date.

I have a preference for darker skin tone or just all around but that's the only pattern I can spot and even then it's not constant, and probably rare where I live.

Poor doesn't sound like my thing since I don't have a lot of money myself but maybe it should be since it seems only socially acceptable for girls to trade up and guys to trade down in this world that apparently oppresses women. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me either but I find it unfair that I should be expected to be the breadwinner just because I'm male.

I don't know about mental disorders or the like either...pretty broad range, so maybe but I know some of my brothers' exes have been pretty psycho. Anxiety or depression aren't necessarily the same. Still I find boring girls, well, boring. I wouldn't mind so much but it's bothersome when I can tell they're bored as well. It's just not fulfilling in any way.

Not to knock your own likes. I just don't know. It seems some of the stuff I like would be incompatible with others. I'm a nerd, not in the same league as the outgoing punk chicks but I can't help but appreciate their difference in perspective, artistic style, etc. I guess maybe opposites attract but it's one sided.

You're mistaking my giving people advice to help them find a bit of happiness with, "you must do all of these interesting things or I won't look at you". I'm just making suggestions to improve quality of life.

I've met plenty of decent (non irritating) blokes in real life. They just don't like me or don't realise I like them because I'm shy and not good at expressing myself. I don't mean stereotypically good looking guys either. Just average guys.

Last edited by hurtloam on 05 Oct 2016, 9:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Boxman I'm from the UK and most people keep to themselves. It's not the most friendly culture.

I'm not sure how common it is where you are to meet a friendly, helpful man like you. I certainly don't meet men like that. A selfish woman is going to notice your helpfulness and want to take advantage. I genuine woman will value those qualities.

Don't stop being kind because of bad people, but learn to filter them out. I do not know how to do that, I think it needs a bit of research.

Learn what the warning signs are and don't go too far down the rabbit hole. Learn to draw boundaries and say no. Don't let someone take advantage of you.

Where these girls at? I'll date them

What about guys where no women notice?
I'm starting to wonder why I bother being nice and seem to be becoming less compassionate towards others

BOXMAN: (I'm too lazy to quote properly):

"I'm not looking for someone to take care of me either but I find it unfair that I should be expected to be the breadwinner just because I'm male."

Yes I agree.

I am on disability but aside from still living at home, of course, I wouldn't need to rely on anyone.

The disability payment here is decent enough to live alone off of, I have sufficient funds, etc.

I wouldn't depend on a future girlfriend for money at all, maybe transportation at best and even then I won't be one of those inconsiderate guys who ask her to drive him all around town or drive to the other side of town, etc. just to pick him up.

This city I live in actually has a private bus system where, once registering your details, you can call the bus to pick you up and take you to and from ANYWHERE in the city area code, for a price and with others on the bus, of course.

But it's actually more useful than regular bus system.

It's also extremely cheap.

Also, one day I may be getting a support/social worker, who could also help me sometimes get from Point A to Point B.

"I don't know about mental disorders or the like either...pretty broad range, so maybe but I know some of my brothers' exes have been pretty psycho. Anxiety or depression aren't necessarily the same."

Yes as I said it depends on the disability.

I just want to date a girl with social anxiety or depression or aspergers or something, not Sociopathy/BPD/Schizophrenia and all those other hard to deal with ones. Been there, done that, never again.

"Still I find boring girls, well, boring. I wouldn't mind so much but it's bothersome when I can tell they're bored as well. It's just not fulfilling in any way."

Mm-hm, which is why I want a 'boring' girl who likes me for me and likes spending time with me. Simple girl, simple pleasures, easy to entertain and just have fun with. Doesn't need too much to be satisfied. Like me. I can be pretty easily impressed as well.

Just chatting and cuddling up to movies, just hanging out somewhere, etc.

"Not to knock your own likes."

Yes I use to have an interest in the idea of 'nerdy' girls, but in reality I'm nowhere near as compatible with them as I'd like to be and just share too few interests with them.

I was acqauintances with plenty throughout senior year of HS and it just didn't work out.

Of course they were friendly towards me and I to them, but I just can't connect with them.

I prefer shy or former shy girls but I definitely still like confident, energetic and playful girls.

Ex-crush, now friend is the type that's loud, silly, funny, etc. and confident.

'Boring' doesn't have to mean completely shy, quiet and not playful. I love playfulness and goofy behavior as I am this myself.

Yes, I know the one-sided feeling.

I fit more into a stereotypical 'bro/jock' category than nerd, and for this possible reason nerd girls are never attracted to me.

All I ever see even here on this website and in real life is nerdy and hipster and aspie girls and women say how much they 'hate muscles' and could never like a regular jock male, but maybe a ripped nerd.

Me too still, sometimes. *Sigh*

Thing is, even if we both one day sort of develop feelings again, she's just too far away and I don't like the idea of anything long-distance, so unless she'd come here to live with me (which is moving too fast in a relationship if we haven't even seen each other in-person in over a year), it just wouldn't work out.

We're so similar and compatible, and it seems whatever differences can compliment each other (I have Agoraphobia, she is capable of leaving the house and even traveling cross-country on buses alone and stuff like that).

The feelings still come and go sometimes, because I can't really move on. Typically in the past, to get over one crush I'd quickly develop another. There is no girl around my age I know I can do this with. She's the only girl my age I speak to regularly anymore.

SLY::

Me too, man but the only reason I sometimes have a problem with this is they might be very uneducated or too young and pregnant or do drugs/mentally messed up/etc.

I know plenty of examples of intelligent high school dropouts including my own Mum and my current female friend, but they're just too rare so it's better that maybe I at least date someone who's graduated high school, isn't pregnant too young and stuff like that.

I guess so. I don't know how common it is either. I don't meet many people in person, just at work, otherwise most socializing is with people far away. So who knows.

Warning signs, I'm not sure on that either. I had a friend for the past year who seemed ok but once I bought the book she wrote she was gone. I really thought she was honest with everything she told me but I should have known I was just another sale for her.

Anyway I'll reply more tomorrow.

Heh, Outrider and I seem to have similar views. I'm quite okay with "boring" women. I'm not a conventionally ambitious person. As far as a career goes, I just want enough money to live comfortably and spend time doing what I want - growing a garden designed to create an ecosystem, breeding invertebrates I find interesting, playing and engaging in low-level modding of video games, and casual working out.

I'm not interested in becoming the foremost authority in mathematics, or becoming the world's most spectacular lawyer, or being the Prime Minister of Australia, or being richer than Bill Gates. I just want to live a comfy life and do what I enjoy, and I have absolutely nothing against a woman who feels the same way. If I've got the money, I'm even happy for her not to work at all, so long as she's happy and healthy it's really not an issue for me.

For the record, not being career driven doesn't mean you're unintelligent.

Agree.

Sounds like we both really do, then.

See, we're not all that different in views.

In the next 10 years, I would be completely satisfied if all I achieved was be on disability payment, move out and live alone (or with a girlfriend), get a girlfriend and good friends, have a car and can drive, overcome my Agoraphobia, control my Aspergers, lessen my depression, occasionally volunteer, and spend the rest of my spare time working on my music and health and fitness and yeah, learning to mod The Sims 3 and getting all the add-ons.

As of this moment all I do is casually workout as well, but I am more sporty than this and actually want to buy functional exercise equipment and such.

I want to improve my ability to swim, running speed, functional strength, 'natural' abilities like treeclimbing, running flatfoot on natural terrain, parkour skill, etc.

All this, at least one good male friend nearby, being close enough to still see my family, and a warm and loving girlfriend with a simple life like me, and I'd be pretty content.

That's my lifelong dream.