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sly279
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09 Oct 2016, 4:49 pm

beakybird wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If honor needs physical defended then it's not honor. Honor can't be taken away by words. Some guy saying something at a bar can't dishonor my gf.
I see such activities as defending ones honor or girls honor as pointless violence.
Guess you'd call me a coward, but I avoid confrontation. Last thing I want is to end up killing someone over something stupid as perceived dishonor.

Honor is respecting life, respecting others, not stealing, doing the right things. Pointless violence isn't the right thing. Anyone who fights over honor is dishonorable.

It's rather a show on strength and nothing less.
I prefer to spend my Time on more intellectual pursuits.

Also I carry a gun and knife(most people do) any such fight or confrontation can become deadly when weapons are involved. While it may be legal you'd still killed someomene.

So yeah I'm a weak coward. I really don't believe in violence except in protection of life. Some girls precievied dishonor isn't life threating. If some guy is trying to rape her or beating her or beating a guy then I'll step in and try to stop it.

I realize this makes me unattractive to 99% of women on top of all my other unattractive stuff


The specific avoidance of confrontation, even if warranted, is cowardly. By definition it is. Sorry.

'doing the right things' is relative. To me, and I think many others, standing up for others IS the 'right thing' to do. Especially loved ones. Do you mean to tell me that if you had a girlfriend, you'd allow some man to say degrading things to her and not step in? If you say you would, I think your issue is less a philosophical choice of pacifism as it is being scared to do anything. That violates my personal code of honor-- failing to come through for a loved one. A stranger is dog s**t compared to my woman's feelings. And I'd very rarely ever just hit someone without trying to use words first. I havent had to fight in almost 20 years. I think its because most people expect others to back down and when you dont they get afraid. And if you must you hurt someone. If you are uncomfortable with this, then fine, I respect your choice.

I think there are women who like guys with your attitude. Like I say until they have to face a time where they feel they need protection and you fail to provide it. I believe, for the most part, no matter what women say to everyone else, no matter how independent they want to be, at heart they do want to feel their man will protect them. Some may not. But I think many do. That doesn't always take the form of physical violence. But being afraid of confrontation altogether is not a trait I think most women would find attractive. Maybe I'm wrong, cuz Im not one.

I ask that they stop, and if they don't ask the business owner or just leave. I'm physically weak and never fought in my whole life besides time I hit a kid with a text book in middle school.

Well I'm bit submissive also. Probably from being raised by women as to how they believe they want a guy to be. I just won't be that guy who gets in fights over stupid stuff. If someone try's to grab my gf or touch her inappropriately I'd pushed them away and tell them to stop. I won't put myself purposely in such situations. I'm not a club/bar hopper. Never seen this kind of stuff happen anywhere else.
Other situations are avoided by being awar of ones surrounding and not going down dangerous streets or ally ways, this is big thing taught at self defense classes. To avoid confrontation whenever possible. Don't seek confrontation just because you can defend yourself.

Fights can and will turn deadly. Someone gets the upper hand and gets carried away. People have died from just one punch(punch out game) if something becomes a real danger I'd act but words are just words. If you escalate to violence over words and kill the person even accidentally look forward rest of your life in jail and your girl moving on to another guy all cause he said she looked slu*ty or he'd like to tap that.



beakybird
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09 Oct 2016, 4:49 pm

sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
It's a like weird thing because I don't want a violent partner. But if someone touches me inappropriately I appreciate my partner stepping in and confronting (no necessarily with violence) the other person. I do like that I can feel safe with him as opposed to when I am alone.

I remember when my friend was grabbed by the waist and pulled away from her boyfriend by this drunk guy. She like looked to her boyfriend to free her but he shrugged :roll: . I had to end up going and pulling the guys arms away. She didn't break up with the guy straight away bit it didn't last

That's a danger to her . I'm talking more like if a guy in a bar across the room says oh that lady looks slu*ty and the violent guys response is to go kick his ass to defend her honor.


My response would depend on how my woman took that comment. If she was offended or embarrassed, I'd stand up to him and challenge his manhood. He could either back down, thus looking like a little b***h, or he can try to hit me, at which point we will fight. If he were particularly vile, I may just hit him when he's not looking and knock him the f**k out. Sorry. Im an animal with certain stuff. It's who I am.

But if she was ok with that comment, I'd take it as a compliment because all that means is he wishes he could do the things to her that I'm gonna do when I get her home. :twisted: So he's just jealous. I like when my woman looks a little slu*ty anyway...



sly279
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09 Oct 2016, 4:51 pm

I should point out being a bigger guy most people assume I'm quite capable of defending myself and have avoided me. I guess I can be quite inttemdating being 6'3" and 275 pounds.



beakybird
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09 Oct 2016, 4:56 pm

sly279 wrote:
beakybird wrote:
sly279 wrote:
If honor needs physical defended then it's not honor. Honor can't be taken away by words. Some guy saying something at a bar can't dishonor my gf.
I see such activities as defending ones honor or girls honor as pointless violence.
Guess you'd call me a coward, but I avoid confrontation. Last thing I want is to end up killing someone over something stupid as perceived dishonor.

Honor is respecting life, respecting others, not stealing, doing the right things. Pointless violence isn't the right thing. Anyone who fights over honor is dishonorable.

It's rather a show on strength and nothing less.
I prefer to spend my Time on more intellectual pursuits.

Also I carry a gun and knife(most people do) any such fight or confrontation can become deadly when weapons are involved. While it may be legal you'd still killed someomene.

So yeah I'm a weak coward. I really don't believe in violence except in protection of life. Some girls precievied dishonor isn't life threating. If some guy is trying to rape her or beating her or beating a guy then I'll step in and try to stop it.

I realize this makes me unattractive to 99% of women on top of all my other unattractive stuff


The specific avoidance of confrontation, even if warranted, is cowardly. By definition it is. Sorry.

'doing the right things' is relative. To me, and I think many others, standing up for others IS the 'right thing' to do. Especially loved ones. Do you mean to tell me that if you had a girlfriend, you'd allow some man to say degrading things to her and not step in? If you say you would, I think your issue is less a philosophical choice of pacifism as it is being scared to do anything. That violates my personal code of honor-- failing to come through for a loved one. A stranger is dog s**t compared to my woman's feelings. And I'd very rarely ever just hit someone without trying to use words first. I havent had to fight in almost 20 years. I think its because most people expect others to back down and when you dont they get afraid. And if you must you hurt someone. If you are uncomfortable with this, then fine, I respect your choice.

I think there are women who like guys with your attitude. Like I say until they have to face a time where they feel they need protection and you fail to provide it. I believe, for the most part, no matter what women say to everyone else, no matter how independent they want to be, at heart they do want to feel their man will protect them. Some may not. But I think many do. That doesn't always take the form of physical violence. But being afraid of confrontation altogether is not a trait I think most women would find attractive. Maybe I'm wrong, cuz Im not one.

I ask that they stop, and if they don't ask the business owner or just leave. I'm physically weak and never fought in my whole life besides time I hit a kid with a text book in middle school.

Well I'm bit submissive also. Probably from being raised by women as to how they believe they want a guy to be. I just won't be that guy who gets in fights over stupid stuff. If someone try's to grab my gf or touch her inappropriately I'd pushed them away and tell them to stop. I won't put myself purposely in such situations. I'm not a club/bar hopper. Never seen this kind of stuff happen anywhere else.
Other situations are avoided by being awar of ones surrounding and not going down dangerous streets or ally ways, this is big thing taught at self defense classes. To avoid confrontation whenever possible. Don't seek confrontation just because you can defend yourself.

Fights can and will turn deadly. Someone gets the upper hand and gets carried away. People have died from just one punch(punch out game) if something becomes a real danger I'd act but words are just words. If you escalate to violence over words and kill the person even accidentally look forward rest of your life in jail and your girl moving on to another guy all cause he said she looked slu*ty or he'd like to tap that.


Funny, I was raised by only a women too for the most part. And they taught me to stand up for my women. So, you just had a different experience, but it's not being raised only by women. And I don't think most women want a submissive man. Compliant, sure, kind, absolutely, but not submissive. I could be wrong here.

I never said to seek confrontation. I also advocate avoidance where possible. I',m also not going to restrict what environments I can bring my woman into out of fear that I cant take care of myself. I love concerts, drinking, don't go to bars mainly out of lack of company, I;d go places like the boardwalk, or sporting events, and people can be dicks anywhere like that. To me, I like being a woman's attack dog. Within reason, as I've gotten carried away a little in the past with that.

We're just different guys. To be honest, if I was more like you I'd still be married. So, women like things differently.



sly279
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09 Oct 2016, 4:56 pm

beakybird wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
It's a like weird thing because I don't want a violent partner. But if someone touches me inappropriately I appreciate my partner stepping in and confronting (no necessarily with violence) the other person. I do like that I can feel safe with him as opposed to when I am alone.

I remember when my friend was grabbed by the waist and pulled away from her boyfriend by this drunk guy. She like looked to her boyfriend to free her but he shrugged :roll: . I had to end up going and pulling the guys arms away. She didn't break up with the guy straight away bit it didn't last

That's a danger to her . I'm talking more like if a guy in a bar across the room says oh that lady looks slu*ty and the violent guys response is to go kick his ass to defend her honor.


My response would depend on how my woman took that comment. If she was offended or embarrassed, I'd stand up to him and challenge his manhood. He could either back down, thus looking like a little b***h, or he can try to hit me, at which point we will fight. If he were particularly vile, I may just hit him when he's not looking and knock him the f**k out. Sorry. Im an animal with certain stuff. It's who I am.

But if she was ok with that comment, I'd take it as a compliment because all that means is he wishes he could do the things to her that I'm gonna do when I get her home. :twisted: So he's just jealous. I like when my woman looks a little slu*ty anyway...


Well we're quite different. I don't care about ones manhood and if the guys also like you he'll be thinking the same thing and planning to do the same thing. This is why humans have so many pointless bloody wars. If I'm going fight or kill it's going be for a god cam good f*****g reason. There was a lady who wanted a guy to fight for her honor and likes fights I was like nope no thanks. I'm a caring, kind hearte, compassionate romantic guy not s cave man out looking for fights.

Someone wants to attack me so be it but they bring the death on them. They choose to escalate and the return in force, which is to respond with a force above what they used.
If it's me/loved ones or even strangers vs their life it's a easy choice. Better to be alive and deal with having killed then to be dead.



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09 Oct 2016, 4:57 pm

sly279 wrote:
I should point out being a bigger guy most people assume I'm quite capable of defending myself and have avoided me. I guess I can be quite inttemdating being 6'3" and 275 pounds.


So then use that to your advantage. All you have to do is look scary most of the time. Works for me. And Im not big 6ft 240.



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09 Oct 2016, 4:58 pm

Hurtloam I just realized that these issues have been on your mind for a while (cos of the similar topics you've opened).

So there might be something there that you might have overlooked?

There has been so much information exchanged.

I just wonder: did you find any of the advice useful?
Are you seeking any professional help for these issues?

Because sure it could be the Aspie men you've encountered...
But imho the only thing you can influence is yourself not others...

You have my sympathy, it sounds very painful, so hugs :heart:



beakybird
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09 Oct 2016, 5:00 pm

sly279 wrote:
beakybird wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
It's a like weird thing because I don't want a violent partner. But if someone touches me inappropriately I appreciate my partner stepping in and confronting (no necessarily with violence) the other person. I do like that I can feel safe with him as opposed to when I am alone.

I remember when my friend was grabbed by the waist and pulled away from her boyfriend by this drunk guy. She like looked to her boyfriend to free her but he shrugged :roll: . I had to end up going and pulling the guys arms away. She didn't break up with the guy straight away bit it didn't last

That's a danger to her . I'm talking more like if a guy in a bar across the room says oh that lady looks slu*ty and the violent guys response is to go kick his ass to defend her honor.


My response would depend on how my woman took that comment. If she was offended or embarrassed, I'd stand up to him and challenge his manhood. He could either back down, thus looking like a little b***h, or he can try to hit me, at which point we will fight. If he were particularly vile, I may just hit him when he's not looking and knock him the f**k out. Sorry. Im an animal with certain stuff. It's who I am.

But if she was ok with that comment, I'd take it as a compliment because all that means is he wishes he could do the things to her that I'm gonna do when I get her home. :twisted: So he's just jealous. I like when my woman looks a little slu*ty anyway...


Well we're quite different. I don't care about ones manhood and if the guys also like you he'll be thinking the same thing and planning to do the same thing. This is why humans have so many pointless bloody wars. If I'm going fight or kill it's going be for a god cam good f*****g reason. There was a lady who wanted a guy to fight for her honor and likes fights I was like nope no thanks. I'm a caring, kind hearte, compassionate romantic guy not s cave man out looking for fights.

Someone wants to attack me so be it but they bring the death on them. They choose to escalate and the return in force, which is to respond with a force above what they used.
If it's me/loved ones or even strangers vs their life it's a easy choice. Better to be alive and deal with having killed then to be dead.


There's a middle ground here. Not everyone who stands up for their woman's honor is a caveman. Plus, I like dragging women around by their hair :wink:

But compassionate and kind, as well as defending ones honor can coexist. I don't find utter pacifism to be honorable personally. I lived alot of my life with 'turn the other cheek' and I just don't believe in that.



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09 Oct 2016, 5:06 pm

Most people in Oregon aren't dicks about in public.

Remeinds me of this time I was helping my friends family move. These guys down the street were yelling racial slurred and stuff at us and my friend wanted to go kick their asses, but me and his dad were like no just ignore them. 3 of us vs 8 of them. Well later they cam down and started yelling at us from their car saying we called the cops. Which we didn't and told them and it was over. My frien would have gone down and started hitting them and caused s big fight and liked guns to become involved over a stupid misunderstanding. Both they and my friends felt they had to fight for their honor. So f*****g stupid. Like those people who fought over a f*****g parking spot and got shot. Or road rage. So no I won't ever be that guy. Violence is a tool with very limited use.

Pacism like. Y other old friend wouldn't use violcnce at all not even to save their or another life. I'm not a pacifist. I wanted to join the military and go fight in Afghan. I carry a gun and knife and am prepared to use them to defend life. I just believe violence should only be used to save life's. Law tends to agree except Texas. You can't legally use voilcne except in defense otherwise you get charged.

You and others just trick people into throwing the first punch, but what if they don't and they don't stop saying s**t? You hit first, now your charged with assault and you better believe anyone who hits me is having the cops called out on the, after I've restrained them. And if they don't stop then we'll few 9mm will put end to that. I'm not going let myself be beaten to death on the street f**k that.



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09 Oct 2016, 5:10 pm

HelloSweetie wrote:
Hurtloam I just realized that these issues have been on your mind for a while (cos of the similar topics you've opened).

So there might be something there that you might have overlooked?

There has been so much information exchanged.

I just wonder: did you find any of the advice useful?
Are you seeking any professional help for these issues?

Because sure it could be the Aspie men you've encountered...
But imho the only thing you can influence is yourself not others...

You have my sympathy, it sounds very painful, so hugs :heart:


Do you prefer violent men?



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09 Oct 2016, 5:15 pm

sly279 wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
It's a like weird thing because I don't want a violent partner. But if someone touches me inappropriately I appreciate my partner stepping in and confronting (no necessarily with violence) the other person. I do like that I can feel safe with him as opposed to when I am alone.

I remember when my friend was grabbed by the waist and pulled away from her boyfriend by this drunk guy. She like looked to her boyfriend to free her but he shrugged :roll: . I had to end up going and pulling the guys arms away. She didn't break up with the guy straight away bit it didn't last

That's a danger to her . I'm talking more like if a guy in a bar across the room says oh that lady looks slu*ty and the violent guys response is to go kick his ass to defend her honor.


I would appreciate a glare or my partner offering comfort, I would find such a violent reaction rather embarassing.



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09 Oct 2016, 5:19 pm

Sly no.

I do wonder about the use of advice and discussion if it doesn't reach/help the OP.



beakybird
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09 Oct 2016, 5:41 pm

HelloSweetie wrote:
Sly no.

I do wonder about the use of advice and discussion if it doesn't reach/help the OP.

Shes totally right... were all a**holes here for hijacking hurtloam's thread... sorry. I tried to back out though :roll:

Good call.

My apologies.



sly279
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09 Oct 2016, 5:55 pm

HelloSweetie wrote:
Sly no.

I do wonder about the use of advice and discussion if it doesn't reach/help the OP.

For better or worse threads evolve or get side tracked. :(



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09 Oct 2016, 5:58 pm

It isn't easy for us Aspie guys.

We want closeness, we get distance.

We want distance, we get complaints.

We want space, we become loners.

We want to share space, we become space invaders.


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sly279
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09 Oct 2016, 6:03 pm

old_comedywriter wrote:
It isn't easy for us Aspie guys.

We want closeness, we get distance.

We want distance, we get complaints.

We want space, we become loners.

We want to share space, we become space invaders.


True. They always seem to not want what they have and want what they don't have. I dont know what to do or what I am. Am I clingy or ami distant? :(