Moving at her pace?

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Here's a rundown of how things went today: We met, I drove her to the trail in near complete silence, and we went on a nice hike in near complete silence. Then I took her out to lunch, and we probably said two words between us in that time. Then I drove her home in near complete silence, and broke up with her. I told her I thought we made a mistake jumping into this like we did. At the end of the hike, she actually told me she didn't know if she really wanted to date me or not, and I told her that if she wasn't 100% certain this was what she wanted, then we shouldn't be dating. She agreed wholeheartedly, and then she walked herself home.

And that's that, I guess.

You handled this well.

Thanks. It's weird, I feel like I should feel more disappointed than I do. Actually, I feel nothing at all. I tried so hard to make this work, but the lack of getting anything back from her made my feelings gradually fade away, and when we decided to go our separate ways it was just... meh, whatever.

Because it was not a real relationship, Adam, hence why you feel you lost nothing - because it was....nothing.

Well done, I think you did the right thing . Glad you don't feel too cut up about it, too. I know it's probably weird to feel nothing after a break up, but you didn't really click anyway (through no fault of your own).

You'll find somebody, really you will. You're putting yourself out there and you're a cool guy for the right girl

Well, just got an earful from her roommate on Facebook.

"By the way just so aware Kristin is crying over you breaking up with her......incase you even care....i am done now...."

Explained to her that I can't be in a relationship with someone who isn't sure they WANT to be in one with me. We both agreed that was for the best. I tried so hard, and she tried so little. If she's crying about it now, that's on her, not me. Call me heartless, but I'm doing what's good for *me* in this case.

That's not heartless, that's fair. It's wrong of her friend to guilt-trip you like that.

You had every right to end the relationship (should go without saying) and you've been good to Kristin. You can't not break up with someone just because they'll be sad .

Maybe she's crying because she's not feeling normal, she sounds like she's suffering from selective mutism in addition of AS. I mean...it's not normal for a person to be that extremely silent when in company with someone, there's something not right there.

That doesn't necessarily mean that she has strong feelings for you tho.

Or maybe it's a made-up drama story from her match-maker.

She could be crying for any number of reasons.

If it were me I would be crying from abject confusion; it's quite a thing to realise that you're incapable of something as socially significant as dating. There are a lot of wider implications of loneliness and so on to deal with, far beyond what the relationship itself entailed.

Something happened last night. After two weeks of silence, I got a text from Kristin asking if she could call me. I said yes. Here's how that conversation went, word for word:

Her: "You haven't been texting me at all over the past couple weeks." (neglects to mention that she hasn't texted me either)
Me: "Well, we're not dating anymore."
Her: "But don't you want to still be friends?"
Me: "Sure, I guess."
Her: "We can't be friends if we don't communicate!"
Me: "Okay, fine. What do you want to talk about?"
Her: "I 'unno."
(Pause)
Me: "Okay, how are you?"
Her: "I'm fine."
(Pause)
Me: "Good. Me too."
Her: "That's good."
(Pause)
Me: "How was Thanksgiving?"
Her: "It was okay."
(Pause)
Me: "Did you spend it with your family?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Cool."
(I wait for her to say something. She doesn't. The line is completely silent for a whole thirty seconds)
Me: "Okay, bye then."
Her: "Bye."
(She hangs up before I do)


So, what was the point of that? Why insist that we talk more when you're still going to refuse to talk to me? Ugh.

She sounds like she has quite impaI red social skills. The whole not asking you the questions back seems very typical of a higher severity of aspergers

Well, that's weird, not her communication problems but her calling you after 2 weeks of silence... that's really weird.

^^^ She's probably aware that it's weird.

I feel sorry for her. It seems she is trying to be sociable but she doesn't know how.
Maybe she is trying because she wants to be sociable. Maybe she is trying just to find out if she wants to be.
I have been in a similar position myself.

However, I feel sorry for Adam too (though not in the same way!); you probably want to draw a line under it, and it's weird to drag it up again after 2 weeks of nothing.

I wonder how one can have sex with someone that severly affected, she may say yes at first, then during the foreplay or something she may want to say stop but goes silent instead...

...ugh, no thanks - she sounds like trouble honestly.

She sounds like more trouble than she's worth, plain and simple. Even if she's being difficult due to genuine social awkwardness on her part, and not just manipulating you into giving her attention, you seem clearly dissatisfied with this girl. Her issues, real or fabricated, are far more than you're capable of accommodating or adapting to. In which case, if you ended up being friends, let alone dating, it would not be a healthy social dynamic. Plus, there's no such thing as ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) when it comes to friendships. So you're not obligated to give her anything beyond being civil to her.

Absolutely! The last thing an aspie man needs is a legal accusation of THAT crime. If I were the OP, I wouldn't do more than shake hands with that girl. As someone who filed police reports on people who wronged me, I know how easy it is to leverage facts for you or against you. (At least in the US, and specifically in my state, because US state laws can vary wildly.)