Maybe I am going to go :(

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'Boyfriend' is not negative to guys. Only confusing.

I think through this process you are realising he is very important to you, but I still suggest having some distance whilst you're so stressed and emotional. If I were you I would meet him tomorrow, and tell him that you need time away, not because you don't care but because you need more from him and he doesn't seem able to,give it to you. I think this will give him time to think about whether he wants to try and meet your needs, and to understand why your upset.

All relationships are tough. I've been married for 30yrs and believe me it's been pretty rocky at times. I hope you find some happiness

Staying positive is always good, and I take no issue with advice to stay positive.

I think what disturbs me is that people don't really change. They CAN. They mainly just don't want to. Without the will, you can't really do much in your situation. It may seem like a negative way of looking at things, sure. We tend to go with our experiences, though. And what I've most often found is the other person won't change no matter how much time you wait, and I will be disappointed by failure every time I try to change for another person.

The positive aspect of this is you don't have to wait for him. Turn the page on this chapter and start the next one. Take some time and space to heal from this and move forward to a new relationship that CAN be positive and healthy for you.

This seems more about communication than waiting to me.

It is, but she's hanging on in hopes of something changing.

I've been in a relationship where nothing I did was ever good enough, and I thought somehow that meant I needed to change for her. It was what she wanted, and time after time I promised I would try. And I did, and it was NEVER good enough. It wasn't that I failed her expectation, it was that she moved the goalpost on me. It took a few years in a relationship with her to figure out what should have been obvious: I was inconsistent because I didn't really WANT to change. Not like that, and not having to meet shifting expectations. I was convinced that if I could hold out for this stage of the relationship, or that stage of the relationship, things would improve. But they didn't. 6 weeks before the wedding, I'd had enough and was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone.

She wasn't prepared to change for the better, either. The onus was always on ME. No amount of holding out, no amount of hope was going to fix us.

Maybe the problem here with Copelandia has been an utter failure with communication--but this has been going on for 7 months? 7 months is just slightly over the minimum amount of time for two people to start talking marriage. I say Copelandia walk away from this, and the sooner the better.

I had something happen recently that really hurt. Not the end of a romantic relationship, but it was a bit of an embarrassment and probably wouldn't be a big deal to anyone but me. And yes, I've lost sleep over it. I'm aware that this person ultimately did me a favor, which is the positive way to think of it. I was involved in a bad deal and was waiting for the right time to pull out of it. The embarrassing part of this mess was that I waited too late to handle things on my own terms and come out on top. But that's just life. I'd rather see Copelandia take control of this thing before it becomes even more all-consuming than it is, walk away on her own terms, and begin healing so she can start again with someone else. That will help much more than attempting to "communicate" with someone who doesn't really seem to care that much.

And it will help her stay positive more than the status quo, because the way she's going is NOT working in her favor. It's time for someone to play by HER rules for a change. Let the past stay in the past and let's go for a brighter future!

I don't think 'bad deal' equates to positive in my mind. I try to remain more thankful than that.

I am thankful...thankful I'm not a part of that anymore!

Mileage may vary...

We agreed to take a break.

(BTW re: an earlier post regarding marriage... I'm actually not bothered by it. Nor kids.)

He wasn't angry that I had a bit of a go at him because he said he understood why I was so frustrated with him. I apologised for doing that anyway, it's not a constructive way to communicate and not very fair either.

He does care for me it's just his job, the music industry is killer. I've worked in theatre film and tv so I do understand what it's like.

I felt a month would be a good time to check in but he said he'd be in touch within a fortnightish.

So not waiting for him but not looking to date other just yet either. Have my own problems... he might decide to say no to a few jobs here and there to make room for me, but he might not.

Aaaaah, ok, that makes sense. Changes nothing, but I get where you're coming from.

I'm a composer, keyboard player, clarinetist, conductor, teacher, or whatever you need me to be TODAY. Music demands a lot of sacrifice from everyone, and it's a fame or famine business. I'm more on the famine side, so I understand. But the fame side is probably more brutal.

Still no excuse for people to be ugly to each other. If you are unmarried, any indication that the relationship is in trouble is likely correct. Taking a break is wise. What concerns me is that often taking a break doesn't really fix the problem that necessitated it. It's a symptom, not a solution. By contrast, a divorce is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Because personal issues aren't dealt with in the marriage, it's less likely a second marriage will work since those problems tend to follow you to the next relationship. Dating allows you to discover that for yourself and choose someone you're best suited for. When dating, problems you have now probably won't be solved later. People who hold on to work things out are noble, but nobility doesn't correct the fact that there was something to work out in the first place.

I wish you the best. Keep us posted on how things work out.

Taking a break might make him realise what he stands to loose and change his attitude and perspective on this relationship.

If it doesn't do that then at least I've had a 'phased out' ending to this relationship. Can't deal with eviction + breakup its too much.

It's good to acknowledge you haven't given up knowing each other just because of your circumstances.