Charming single guy after 30 = likely sociopath.

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Some people would rather be forever alone than in a relationship with someone they aren't attracted to.

It is your reasoning of what makes a guy unattractive in your eyes (ie. guy who still single above 30) is what concerning; rather than justificable reasons.

I wonder, what makes you so picky and judgemental toward average and especially aspie males? are you that much in-demand yourself? Is your dating value that skyrocket high in the market? I am not trolling or anything but I seriously wonder.

But hey, like what aunty said - it’s not my problem either.

Interestingly this is sort of what I am getting at. I don't feel a sense that I absolutely deserve romantic or sexual relationships as in I am not sure that my personal qualities right now do in fact merit such a relationship. My interest in being here is that I want to become more deserving of romantic or sexual relationships. I want to ensure that my merit in this regard is greater than zero.

My attitude is of seeking, with the end-goal being becoming a man who can be argued as deserving of such relationships. Improving, changing or otherwise re-creating myself as necessary to try to make it a 2-way benefit instead of a hypothetical relationship's default state being only a benefit to me and being a net negative for them unless I pay/give money "make up for it" like it is so awful to spend time with me.

I just don't feel good about the money side if it's basically an apology for being myself. I want to learn and improve myself so I can give social/emotional benefits, I want it to be a mutual connection where we make each other happier and we both feel attracted to each other. Paying is just a band-aid measure if there's absolutely nothing else positive provided by the guy. The bottom line is a healthy relationship has to be a 2-way street. Money can't solve it as if that is all there is in the way of benefit for the woman then the relationship will never truly be fulfilling.


This is also interesting as I believe this is the separation point between so called "alpha males" and "beta males"


I also feel it is an unreasonable expectation however with modern feminism the key point is every woman deserves an alpha male but certainly a part of being an alpha male is possessing this notion and strongly believing in it.

There's a dichotomy in what the ideal man is, one side is a hyper aggressive bad boy alpha male persona but at the same time feminism says they should be very sensitive, considerate, etc and always defer to women. There are two sides but they are clearly opposites, with the second part basically meaning the definitive beta male.


I too find it funny. I feel with the forum format itself and this being an Aspergers & autism community.


If hypothetically every woman on Planet Earth would prefer being forever alone than being in a relationship with me, what should I do about it?

I don't want to demand sex or relationships, I feel that they are fulfilling positive experiences only when supported be a real mutual emotional connection and mutual attraction.

if mankind survives, I get the picture that eventually artificial reproduction will dominate, and there won't be as much mixing of the genders. something like a cross between "1984" and "brave new world."

How can I answer your questions about what your destiny might be more clearly than I did? I am not God, so I don't mete out the destiny of others or know what people's destiny is, so how can I answer those questions?

I will add that your questions about "worth" and your subsequent statements about what worth means to you make me think that you have a very different value system than me that is entirely based on how viable one is for romantic relationships rather than what one can contribute to society. I agree with Chronos in that I avoid men who tend to have such beliefs (that human value is a measurement of how "date-able" someone is) because they tend to have very messed up ideas about gender and sexuality and men and women. It's important to me that the men that I date as well as the people I choose to be friends with and have in my life have similar values to my own.

My feeling, during my "lack-of-success" days was that "it would be nice if I could have a nice relationship with a woman."

I would, in my darkest moments, say to myself: "Why can't I been given a try? I'm a good guy, and they'll know that once they get to know me." That was my consistent thought-pattern immediately after yet another rejection.

I once asked a woman "Why don't you love me?" She told me, "I don't know why. One never knows why one falls in love with somebody." I was about 26 years old. That changed my life.

Something I still ask myself, especially after I see a "bad boy" treat a girl like crap and she still stays with him. I fear that Bible Belt brainwashing makes them feel like if a guy isn't doing that, he's not a "real man". I hope it will stop or else I will continue to walk this life alone.

I sometimes get wrongly associated with the incel crowd but I am not. Incels actually want to live in the Bible Belt because they think it's an utopia simply because conservative ideals are stronger here. They think "modern culture" is "evil" and want the world to look like a bible story based movie. My struggles come more from my low self-esteem, confusion brought on by social interaction, and being in the right places but always on the wrong time.

Last edited by Marknis on 03 Feb 2018, 5:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to have similar feelings about "bad boys," too.

I used to get involved in "good cop, bad cop" sorts of relationships----where a woman will come running to me after her boyfriend abused her in some way. We would talk, and we wouldn't get romantic, even if I wanted to. Then she'd go back to the boyfriend. It was a real bummer!

I've known some personally. I remember one of them being friends with my older brother and he was over at our house and so was a girl I never met before. I had gotten my first guitar around that time and I tried to play it for her but she was unimpressed. The "bad boy" suddenly grabbed her and started pushing himself on her. She shouted and pushed him but still didn't try to get away from him. The strange thing is that he already had a girlfriend at that time. That "bad boy" did try to kill himself after that girlfriend broke up with him. Last I heard from him, he was going into the military and I was invited to his sending off party but I declined to go because some of his pals who were also my bullies in school were going to be there.

So you see: it really is frequently "not good" with many of the "bad boys."

I think one of the biggest reasons could be their job. Back when I worked in a low paying job I'd only been on a few dates. After I got a higher paying job I went on more dates and had girlfriends. Actually my first girlfriend was only a few months I got this job.

And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm pretty picky so why can't women be picky as well?

I get that but "deserve" is a poor choice of words. It could make people think you mean something different from what you actually mean.

Perhaps you could phrase it like "What percentage of men are attractive to women" or "How can I be more attractive?"

My older brother was one of those "bad boys" as well and while he had more girlfriends than me (Only 1) he's also had more break ups, a divorce, two cancelled marriages (Though he eventually did marry the women from his second cancelled marriage), and he has four kids who devour his life. He actually told me he wishes he could trade places with me but I tell him he wouldn't want my loneliness. Both bad relationships and chronic loneliness are extremes.

What I'm really noticing from your posts is that you're painting me as literally having worse values than the proverbial bad boy alpha who oftentimes has Dark Triad traits and can exhibit criminal behaviours. That I shouldn't get to pursue relationships because I am a man who should be avoided, I should be alone and I should constantly suffer for it. Or is it just my beliefs that are an issue? I feel really emotional about this as I've previously felt I never wanted to have kids but now I'm experiencing a shift in this attitude, when I think about the future it's a lot more often that kids come to mind like I start to wonder what will my kids be like and how will I provide for them?

Some of the alpha men are getting outed as sexual abusers in the media recently. Would you say I am worse than Harvey Weinstein? Most importantly, if you would in fact say that the previous statement is True then what can I do about it. I am not saying I want to coerce women to have relationships, I want to better myself so I can be an equal partner and a relationship can potentially be a net positive for both me and a woman. I want a life partner and I want to become a father someday, yet I am told I am corrupt for wanting these this. I've dismissed this always in the past as people literally believing in eugenics, as in because I have a mental illness I shouldn't procreate cause that's gonna produce more psychos, rapists and murderers. Are Aspergers men seen the same way by women as the men with severe mental handicaps like they can't dress themselves or take care of themselves sufficiently so as to keep themselves alive as an independent person. That's how I feel women see me, like they doubt I can dress myself in the morning and they figure I am mentally incompetent.

I need to clarify a few things. All I'm trying to say is "I want to grow up/man up/etc. how do I do this if I don't have strong supports in my life? Or does this mean God wants me to stay a lifelong single or that ASD men aren't supposed to have relationships?" I'm trying to analyze this in an Aspergers fashion so that I might better understand it as opposed to trying to think like an NT which I am not and which has lead me nowhere as of yet. Most of all I want to evaluate: Is this something that is possible? I'm willing to make changes to my life and have been for years but can this have any positive effect or should I call this an impossible problem? I just want to know the truth and make peace with it. I wanted to go to another galaxy someday when I was a little kid but today I accept that I can't go to other planets. Is me wanting a relationship something so stupid like it would be if I still had a crazy desire to go explore space like it's Star Trek even when I'm in my 20's and ought to know and understand by now it isn't possible. (Actually it was a desire to be like Vegeta and see cool planets like Namek, but IDK if people know Dragonball).



These don't represent how I myself feel about the world or how I personally feel the world ought to be like. These are just things I observed and my best guess of how women perceive me. Specifically my observations in life suggest that women perceive my human value as equal to my viability for a romantic relationship. Which is low largely in part because I don't do the bad boy stuff I try to be a gentleman but it seems to me that all that this conveys today is weakness and ulterior motives. The more I try to be sensitive, considerate gentleman the more I am perceived as not being a true man. Me coming here is in part in acceptance that I don't know everything and don't have all the answers. I want help and hoped that maybe people might understand me a little more in an Aspergers community.

It really seems like if I became a jerk with corrupt values that I would be able to have relationships easily but in all honesty, acting in that manner doesn't make me feel happy. What I'm really getting from the statements here is that somehow, paradoxically, my approach leads to worse results both in terms of seeming to be boyish and it also apparently conveys that I have worse and more corrupt values than the jerks. So this lead me to a confused state where it appears that literally I can gain success by purposely increasing the presence of Dark Triad characteristics therefore literally adopting an abusive personality. My issue is that's not who I am and I can't just pretend to be someone else.


It really seems like you're right. I used "deserve" cause lots of women tell me I don't deserve a relationship I deserve to be alone against my will, and experience a lifetime of loneliness.

It's just surprising to get a negative response if I just want to listen to learn about how I can make responsible, ethical changes to better myself. I'd understand this if I would be bitter and blame women but I just want to do what I can to improve my situation.

I would say a better way I could have worded it is "I feel right now it's not possible and certainly won't happen based on current trajectory; how can I make it something that is possible?"


I'm beginning to relate with the pickiness as well actually and that's a part of what scares me. I feel picky because I want a girl who will be a great mother plus a partner in parenting and life in general. I want to form a family someday and I want someone who is also committed to that. I had crappy childhood so I feel like I want to do it right, have kids and give them a great start to fulfilling lives that are hopefully better than mine.

You're putting a lot into my words that wasn't there. I don't know about dark triads or whatever, I just said it sounds like we value different things and I avoid men who have different values from me and those who seems to have funny ideas about women and what it means to be of human worth. All that other stuff is your words, not mine. I feel like I probably shouldn't say anything more because you will just interpret it really negatively.

You keep asking me to tell you what I think you are "worth". That's not my place to tell you, you should determine what your own worth is and not let other people tell you what you are worth. That's what I have had to do in life, figure out my own value for myself.