14 Mar 2018, 7:47 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I think you're just looking at it too literally. I'd venture a guess that 'it is hopeless' and 'it feels hopeless' are interchangeable as it relates to depressed single people's posts
I also suspect this is the case. I never know what to do with figurative language though. As fluffy suggested, they may just want to know they are not alone. Well, my rigid brain asks "Why don't they say that then? Why don't they ask 'anyone else feel the same?' at the end of their post rather than leaving it as a statement?"
I guess because I dislike being misinterpreted and prefer my words to be taken literally (and to be called out when I use poor language), it's hard to remember others don't feel the same, especially on an aspie forum where I expect more literal-mindedness!
Still, if someone is engaging with me in a thread and replies to my post with something akin to "there is no hope for me", I still won't know how to respond. Sympathy? The Haven is for that...I'm no good at validating feelings or providing a shoulder...I only know how to attempt to solve problems, play devil's advocate, or try to challenge people's negative beliefs. Which is why I almost never go into the Haven!
14 Mar 2018, 10:43 pm
yellowtamarin wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I think you're just looking at it too literally. I'd venture a guess that 'it is hopeless' and 'it feels hopeless' are interchangeable as it relates to depressed single people's posts
I also suspect this is the case. I never know what to do with figurative language though. As fluffy suggested, they may just want to know they are not alone. Well, my rigid brain asks "Why don't they say that then? Why don't they ask 'anyone else feel the same?' at the end of their post rather than leaving it as a statement?"
I guess because I dislike being misinterpreted and prefer my words to be taken literally (and to be called out when I use poor language), it's hard to remember others don't feel the same, especially on an aspie forum where I expect more literal-mindedness!
Still, if someone is engaging with me in a thread and replies to my post with something akin to "there is no hope for me", I still won't know how to respond. Sympathy? The Haven is for that...I'm no good at validating feelings or providing a shoulder...I only know how to attempt to solve problems, play devil's advocate, or try to challenge people's negative beliefs. Which is why I almost never go into the Haven!
People who are depressed and actually some Aspies too are prone to absolutist statements. It either is or it isn't. Black or white with no room for grey.
As for how to handle a 'there is no hope for me' post, my approach would be to figure out the reasoning behind why they think that and either refute it or validate it based on how much truth there seems to be to it. Generally I'd say there's always hope, but sometimes the poster in question will have to put in a fair bit of effort and self-investment before that hope can be realised, and some aren't willing to do that/aren't willing to see it that way as they don't feel like they should have to change anything in order to be successful in love.
It seems that some will look around and see happy couples in relationships and just think they should have that by default. What they fail to do is look at WHY those people have managed to get into relationships while they fail to do so. More often than not there are distinguishing factors between the poster and people in relationships that the poster either neglects to take into account, tries to ignore completely or refuses to acknowledge that they should matter when in fact they clearly do.
CockneyRebel
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15 Mar 2018, 12:10 pm
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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Mar 2018, 6:33 pm
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17 Mar 2018, 12:05 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
The threads that get me hot are the threads where people fight over whether men or women have it easier.
Yeah, they're not conducive of much. Even if we were to concede that one sex generally has it harder, there are some members of the other sex who would have a harder time than some members of the so-called hard-done-by sex.
This thread however seems to suggest that none of us have it as tough as we think. While yellowtamarin could well be right about that, we might as well humour everybody instead of questioning individual perception. I find I'm way too pragmatic to really find enough reason for optimism in here, it also regularly passes many of us by IRL.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
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"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
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17 Mar 2018, 12:34 am
imho - this forum is not just for advice.
Something I read as my children were growing up helped me - when someone comes to you to share their sadness they are usually not looking for a solution. They are looking for someone to listen.
Having a place to unburden your soul can lighten the load just enough to get through the day.
When all else fails, send hugs. 
17 Mar 2018, 2:57 am
nick007
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17 Mar 2018, 3:29 am
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24 Mar 2018, 11:36 am
yellowtamarin wrote:
dacft0 wrote:
Well you are in a Love and Dating forum for people who have catastrophic trouble with relationships and social situations. So naturally you'll see a lot of posts in here of the negative experiences, we nonNT's endure every single day of our lives.
Nothing wrong with that, and I would expect that and hope to have some advice or new perspective to give sometimes, where relevant.
That's not what this thread is about. It's about the use of language that essentially says "there's no chance of your input making a difference but I'm making a post anyway, because _________". I'm trying to fill in the blank.
Gee, not sure how to take that; excuse my AS. I was only trying to answer the origional question asked, with my own input.
There's no chance of your reply to my post making any difference. You were making a post to be a _____ . I'm trying to fill in the blank.
