Is it too soon to move in with each other?

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No I want her to thaw and stay that way.

The problem is that some people can subconsciously or consciously use putting you in the freezer to get what they want. It's well possible that she'd go back to normal as soon as she gets what she wants but would put you back into the freezer immediately next time she doesn't until you give in again. That's why, if you want the relationship to work you should put in the effort to repair it, but I'd not do it if the only way to do so was giving in and immediately letting her move in. There'd be a risk that this turns into a repeating pattern and gets more extreme each time you give in.

Aside from that I don't really have an opinion on this as I don't know enough about her cultural background. Maybe there are several red flags because the risks people pointed out about her are her true motives. Or maybe its a cross-cultural misunderstanding. You said her English isn't that good? How familiar is she with Australian culture and you with her culture? Is it possible that you telling her she can't move in with you gets misinterpreted as meaning more than 'it's too early and pretty much everyone in this culture would agree on that'? Hopefully someone more familiar with Chinese culture will point it out if what I'm saying is totally stupid. Otherwise, if you don't know a lot about her background, have you tried discussing with her how early/late her relatives moved in with their lover or what it means for her to be in a relationship but live separately for a while? Or do you know if she's aware that pretty much no one where the two of you live now moves in with each other after such a short time?

The sad thing is I actually did want her to move in. At the time I told her she couldn't move in I actually really wanted her to move in and was looking forward to it yet the normal rational part of my brain said that no one moves in that fast so we shouldn't either. It really hurt me to say no because I wanted to live with her. It hurt her more.



Yeah. Someone more familiar with Chinese culture explained it to me. My psychologist has many Chinese clients, both male and female. She explained to me that because GF is 30 that means that kn her culture, she's about five years past the point where she's considered to be what is known as a "leftover woman".

That's why she's in such a hurry to get in a relationship so fast. That's why her mother is pressuring her to get into a relationship so fast.

She had a boyfriend through most of her 20s and something happened to him. My psychologist suggested another reason she wants to be near me is so she can keep an eye on me. So she knows I'm not cheating on her.

This fits in with some comments GF made last week about how she's worried I might be a player. My psychologist speculated that GF's last relationship may have ended due to infidelity.

The psych even suggested that the reason GF sprayed her perfume on me before work was because other women won't date a man who already smells of antother woman's perfume. Psych said GF was "marking her territory".

The psych described GF as clingy and needy. I guess she is. I don't think GF is malevolent or anything but I was getting some overly attached girlfriend vibes and than I hurt her when I pushed her away.

Ah the silent treatment - That’s an emotional manipulation; a well known common tactic used on men.

Did you check your laws? If there’s no risk I say there’s no harm to let her in.

I would normally say go for it in relationships you aren’t sure about, if an aspie hasn’t much experience. But when it comes to moving in together, that’s a massive thing, and I’m not sure if you know her well enough to trust her 100% with your belongings.

I’m guessing the cold treatment is to get what she wants too. I feel sorry for her if that’s how her culture is, it can’t be easy for her. Not that it is your problem. If she is pressured into it then maybe her pressure rubbing onto you, although it isn’t fair on you, it is kind of understandable why she is doing it. It’s up to you if you want to live with that. You never know, it could work out. Maybe you could let her leave some of her belongings in your place but insist she you can’t live together until you’re absolutely sure. Even then I would be iffy about that until you know her for a while, it depends how much you trust her and how good a judge of character you are.

I mean, if my mum hadn’t married my dad within two weeks of meeting him, I wouldn’t have been born. Then again, I knew a couple who moved in together within six weeks of meeting, and they were together for years and had kids and were happy until one of them became an atheist and they divorced.

Just talk with her and tell her it's not a "No, never," just a "not yet," because while you're very much falling in love with her you just want to make sure it's the right thing for both of you before you take such a big step together.

This sounds like sensible advice. Maybe give her some sort of a time frame as well since you feel you want to move in together too. If this works out you will need to explain about that going cold thing not working well on Aspies. A least it doesn't on me because I never know what I've done wrong and no one tells me. Is it different for men, do you get told? Maybe told is the wrong word, do you get bigger hints?

She sounds very immature. How does she love you after 3 weeks? How are you falling for it?

Nobody on this thread will agree with me, but I think you should seriously consider proposing to her. I could go into extreme detail as to why you might want to do such a seemingly reckless thing, but all I ask is that you think about all possible consequences of a proposal. You may actually conclude you are ready to do it.

OK I'll make one further comment. If, as you say, you really wanted her to move in with you, then how much different would it be to marry her? Maybe if you and she were 20-year old students, but you aren't.

Big red flag.

Also, how is she unaware of the fact that moving in so soon is bizarre in most cultures? Your reaction is the reasonable one. Actually, I believe it's even weirder to move in so soon in Chinese culture, unless you're getting married.

Although if you want to move in with her you should do what you want to do. What's the worst that could happen (she moves out and you break up I guess).

She probably has a good deal of money (like possibly a fortune) if she's living in Australia. Most Chinese people (really most people from any country) can't afford to live abroad.

From what I hear from my relatives in Sydney and Melbourn,
Chinese and S. Koreans are probably among the wealthiest ethnicities there.

Wild and crazy can happen....
False accusations of abuse, Common law marriage and loss of assets at dissolution of this relationship, Invasion and possible misuse of private financial information, Eviction from your home, Interference with your employer/job - contacting your boss...you get the idea.

Truthfully, if you were in the US, if she moves in, it would be difficult to kick her out again if she stays longer than a month. You might even have to formally evict her. I’ve heard of cases like this.

I don’t know the “common law” situation in Australia.

How are her English skills?

I was thinking along those lines...your belongings and even your identity would be easy to steal.

Probably, but not definitely.

There are literally tens of thousands of multimillionaire Chinese families that have moved to Canada in the last handful of years. However, just like decades past, there are still those who come from China, and many other countries, with almost no money at all, just the will to relocate, work hard, and make a go of it here. Just because someone emigrated doesn't necessarily mean they have significant monetary wealth. More often than not, these days, they do, but not all of them.

She probably does come from money and Retro's research may be right that she's looking for love to satisfy herself and her family that she's not a "leftover," "unwanted," woman. Even if that is her motivation, I still think Retro should slow things down a bit and make sure they're right for each other. Continue dating, grow closer, then take the bigger steps.*

*All of this is just my opinion as an outside observer. I've never been in a relationship in my life. We all know love is blind and people do stupid things when they're in love and I might do something stupid in the future despite what anyone cautions me against. I'll just know & accept full well going into it that if I do something stupid and it ends up costing me my life savings or w/e that it was my own damned fault. Hopefully thinking about those things in advance lets me make far sounder decisions for myself. Only time will tell. *shrug* Maybe I'll get to an age where I'll be like "f**k it, I know I'm being taken, but I don't care because it's only money and this is fun." Or maybe I'll just choose a life of solitude and celibacy and leave all of my money to my nephews and God kids.

*Sniffs the air* ...What? She’s rich, what are you waiting for?!