13 Apr 2018, 11:20 am
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship. 
Yes women should not sleep with men they know are in a relationship either. Sure its his responsibility to be faithful in his relationship, but her knowledge that she is already in a relationship should tell her that he's probably not the person she should have sex with.
What is it you expect to gain from sleeping with women who you know are in a relationship exactly?
Sex?
That made me laugh. Thank you.
Anyway, I agree with you that it's largely her responsibility.
My only concern would be getting punched in the face if her boyfriend found out.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,155
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
13 Apr 2018, 11:24 am
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
Yes women should not sleep with men they know are in a relationship either. Sure its his responsibility to be faithful in his relationship, but her knowledge that she is already in a relationship should tell her that he's probably not the person she should have sex with.
What is it you expect to gain from sleeping with women who you know are in a relationship exactly?
Sex?
And that is the only way you can have sex is to hook up with women who already have a partner? I mean I suppose if all you're after is sex and its worth the potential confrontations from their partners, damage to your reputation(a lot of people aren't very fond of cheaters) and playing a role in them hurting their partners by cheating then its not such a big deal.
But as far as a a real relationship is concerned these women would be no good for that as they'd likely be unfaithful to you as well.
Let me ask you this would you be ok with it if a women you were in a relationship with cheated on you?
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,452
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
13 Apr 2018, 11:25 am
AngelRho wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
She’s not satisfied with her relationship. You are in effect an enabler and a predator, and you have some deeper issues going on if you’re hunting IAR girls for sport. And you are rationalizing. You can’t put that on us. You are behaving badly and blaming the victim for the pressure you’re putting on her.
I was the same way at one point in college. I “stole” my wife from her ex. I came close to sleeping with one girl who was engaged and actually did go through with it with another. And another girl had just broken up with her fiancé was saving herself for marriage...after I comforted her that night, well, she didn’t have to worry about THAT anymore. There was another IAR girl that didn’t go that far, but I think she would have gone for it. She was dating a friend of mine, plus this freshman guy that I’d been mentoring had a severe crush on her and lost a lot of respect for me after all that blew up, whereas the ex-bf was actually afraid of me and relieved when she fessed up and dumped him.
Not meaning to brag, and I’m not proud of my checkered past. I’m being honest, and those things do NOT reflect positively on me. Your problem is the same problem we all have: you’re being selfish. The difference is the kinds of things I did and what you’re doing is destructive. I hope you see that, and soon.
Funny thing about girls: you can’t really conquer a girl’s heart, mind, soul, and body unless she purposefully surrenders them to you. Men always get a bad rap for seduction and the old pump-and-dump routine, but girls are just as bad. I was wrong for what I did. But those girls wouldn’t have put up with it if they weren’t unhappy with their relationships already. They were using me a lot more than I used them. In two of those situations I walked away first because I could see nothing good would come of it. But if I’d stayed around long enough to bust them up, they’d have dumped me as soon as they were done with me.
This girl is liable to dump you as soon as she gets rid of her bf. You’re just a little something new and fun on the side, but these little ONS flings eventually die away and leave everyone involved empty and wanting something else. You might be a regular Don Juan right now, but you’ll die lonely if you try to keep it up.
As I've already clarified, she was the one who invited me over. She is not a victim my friend, not even in the slightest.
ONS flings is my goal for the time being. I'm more or less just practicing my flirting skills with any girl I happen to find attractive, I'm not specifically hunting down girls who are already in relationships.
Ok, but she’s in a relationship. She wouldn’t have invited you over if neither she nor her relationship were vulnerable. You could have refused. You ended up taking advantage of the situation, and yes, that does make her a victim to an extent.
Could be she’s just using you. I’ve never been very comfortable in either situation. It’s like, ok, I had fun, but this was never meant to be an ongoing thing, so I’m making my exit before I or someone else ends up dead. Every single time I’ve been down that road an emotional attachment developed, and that can do a lot of harm to someone.
Note that I’m not looking out for the (ex)bf in this situation. I’m more concerned about my safety and hers.
I will say this, though. I understand ONS is where you want to be right now. But if she’s up for cheating, it’s likely she could be on the market soon. The other thing is “once...always.” If pump-and-dump is in her relational vocabulary, you might find yourself on the business end yourself. Been there, done that, too. Not fun.
I understand you aren’t on the hunt for IAR girls, but you do show predatorial tendencies. That kind of thing never ends well. You’d do well to break the pattern now.
I am sure you would have sex with a taken hot girl who's rubbing her boobs on your face, while asking you for a f-ck.
Not at this point in my life. I feel that’s pretty much over for me and I’m perfectly happy with it.
20 years ago, on the other hand...
I had my fun, but that doesn’t mean I felt right about it. That was a very short-lived phase that ended before I finished college.
Well, Closet is almost half your age, so he probably has more testosterone than you.
13 Apr 2018, 11:32 am
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
Yes women should not sleep with men they know are in a relationship either. Sure its his responsibility to be faithful in his relationship, but her knowledge that she is already in a relationship should tell her that he's probably not the person she should have sex with.
What is it you expect to gain from sleeping with women who you know are in a relationship exactly?
Sex?
And that is the only way you can have sex is to hook up with women who already have a partner? I mean I suppose if all you're after is sex and its worth the potential confrontations from their partners, damage to your reputation(a lot of people aren't very fond of cheaters) and playing a role in them hurting their partners by cheating then its not such a big deal.
But as far as a a real relationship is concerned these women would be no good for that as they'd likely be unfaithful to you as well.
Let me ask you this would you be ok with it if a women you were in a relationship with cheated on you?
Of course not. But if she did, it would be her fault, not whoever she slept with.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,155
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
13 Apr 2018, 11:32 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
Yes women should not sleep with men they know are in a relationship either. Sure its his responsibility to be faithful in his relationship, but her knowledge that she is already in a relationship should tell her that he's probably not the person she should have sex with.
What is it you expect to gain from sleeping with women who you know are in a relationship exactly?
Sex?
Yeah, her question is very absurd.
Now I wonder what does she expect to gain from sleeping with her boyfriend.
Fulfilling and enjoyable sex with someone I have a deep bond with...sex outside of that has never done much for me. So much so for a while I thought I might be asexual but that is not the case.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,155
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
13 Apr 2018, 11:34 am
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
Yes women should not sleep with men they know are in a relationship either. Sure its his responsibility to be faithful in his relationship, but her knowledge that she is already in a relationship should tell her that he's probably not the person she should have sex with.
What is it you expect to gain from sleeping with women who you know are in a relationship exactly?
Sex?
And that is the only way you can have sex is to hook up with women who already have a partner? I mean I suppose if all you're after is sex and its worth the potential confrontations from their partners, damage to your reputation(a lot of people aren't very fond of cheaters) and playing a role in them hurting their partners by cheating then its not such a big deal.
But as far as a a real relationship is concerned these women would be no good for that as they'd likely be unfaithful to you as well.
Let me ask you this would you be ok with it if a women you were in a relationship with cheated on you?
Of course not. But if she did, it would be her fault, not whoever she slept with.
So you wouldn't harbor any negative feelings towards the guy who knowingly slept with her while in a relationship with you?
Lol if so at least you are consistent.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
13 Apr 2018, 11:38 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
She’s not satisfied with her relationship. You are in effect an enabler and a predator, and you have some deeper issues going on if you’re hunting IAR girls for sport. And you are rationalizing. You can’t put that on us. You are behaving badly and blaming the victim for the pressure you’re putting on her.
I was the same way at one point in college. I “stole” my wife from her ex. I came close to sleeping with one girl who was engaged and actually did go through with it with another. And another girl had just broken up with her fiancé was saving herself for marriage...after I comforted her that night, well, she didn’t have to worry about THAT anymore. There was another IAR girl that didn’t go that far, but I think she would have gone for it. She was dating a friend of mine, plus this freshman guy that I’d been mentoring had a severe crush on her and lost a lot of respect for me after all that blew up, whereas the ex-bf was actually afraid of me and relieved when she fessed up and dumped him.
Not meaning to brag, and I’m not proud of my checkered past. I’m being honest, and those things do NOT reflect positively on me. Your problem is the same problem we all have: you’re being selfish. The difference is the kinds of things I did and what you’re doing is destructive. I hope you see that, and soon.
Funny thing about girls: you can’t really conquer a girl’s heart, mind, soul, and body unless she purposefully surrenders them to you. Men always get a bad rap for seduction and the old pump-and-dump routine, but girls are just as bad. I was wrong for what I did. But those girls wouldn’t have put up with it if they weren’t unhappy with their relationships already. They were using me a lot more than I used them. In two of those situations I walked away first because I could see nothing good would come of it. But if I’d stayed around long enough to bust them up, they’d have dumped me as soon as they were done with me.
This girl is liable to dump you as soon as she gets rid of her bf. You’re just a little something new and fun on the side, but these little ONS flings eventually die away and leave everyone involved empty and wanting something else. You might be a regular Don Juan right now, but you’ll die lonely if you try to keep it up.
As I've already clarified, she was the one who invited me over. She is not a victim my friend, not even in the slightest.
ONS flings is my goal for the time being. I'm more or less just practicing my flirting skills with any girl I happen to find attractive, I'm not specifically hunting down girls who are already in relationships.
Ok, but she’s in a relationship. She wouldn’t have invited you over if neither she nor her relationship were vulnerable. You could have refused. You ended up taking advantage of the situation, and yes, that does make her a victim to an extent.
Could be she’s just using you. I’ve never been very comfortable in either situation. It’s like, ok, I had fun, but this was never meant to be an ongoing thing, so I’m making my exit before I or someone else ends up dead. Every single time I’ve been down that road an emotional attachment developed, and that can do a lot of harm to someone.
Note that I’m not looking out for the (ex)bf in this situation. I’m more concerned about my safety and hers.
I will say this, though. I understand ONS is where you want to be right now. But if she’s up for cheating, it’s likely she could be on the market soon. The other thing is “once...always.” If pump-and-dump is in her relational vocabulary, you might find yourself on the business end yourself. Been there, done that, too. Not fun.
I understand you aren’t on the hunt for IAR girls, but you do show predatorial tendencies. That kind of thing never ends well. You’d do well to break the pattern now.
I am sure you would have sex with a taken hot girl who's rubbing her boobs on your face, while asking you for a f-ck.
Not at this point in my life. I feel that’s pretty much over for me and I’m perfectly happy with it.
20 years ago, on the other hand...
I had my fun, but that doesn’t mean I felt right about it. That was a very short-lived phase that ended before I finished college.
Well, Closet is almost half your age, so he probably has more testosterone than you.
*snort* testosterone...that’s funny.
My testosterone levels have either only intensified with age or they’re just now really kicking in. I STILL have acne breakouts and voice cracking. 25 years of puberty is really taking its toll. I’ve seriously considered depo implants so I might finally get some relief. It’s driving my wife crazy, too.
Thanks for your concern, though.
13 Apr 2018, 11:43 am
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
Yes women should not sleep with men they know are in a relationship either. Sure its his responsibility to be faithful in his relationship, but her knowledge that she is already in a relationship should tell her that he's probably not the person she should have sex with.
What is it you expect to gain from sleeping with women who you know are in a relationship exactly?
Sex?
And that is the only way you can have sex is to hook up with women who already have a partner? I mean I suppose if all you're after is sex and its worth the potential confrontations from their partners, damage to your reputation(a lot of people aren't very fond of cheaters) and playing a role in them hurting their partners by cheating then its not such a big deal.
But as far as a a real relationship is concerned these women would be no good for that as they'd likely be unfaithful to you as well.
Let me ask you this would you be ok with it if a women you were in a relationship with cheated on you?
Of course not. But if she did, it would be her fault, not whoever she slept with.
So you wouldn't harbor any negative feelings towards the guy who knowingly slept with her while in a relationship with you?
Lol if so at least you are consistent.
I wouldn't no. And I wouldn't want my trust to depend on other guys' amount of self control.
Thank you, that's exactly my point.
13 Apr 2018, 11:46 am
13 Apr 2018, 11:59 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
Hefner – maybe but I'm not so sure about all the elderly rockmen and their groupies. I guess it's mainly attractiveness of social status.
And for the "true alphas"... I once came across a graphics describing some lizards mating strategies.
I'm pretty sure humans are capable of inventing even more competing strategies.
And for the "true alphas"... I once came across a graphics describing some lizards mating strategies.
I'm pretty sure humans are capable of inventing even more competing strategies.
Except we are primates, not lizards, Chimpanzees and gorillas make a better comparison for our species.
Don't forget about bonobos.
But actually what makes humans a bit different is complexity of human cultures and societes. No other primates come close to it. And cooperation: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 121519.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 153455.htm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,155
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
13 Apr 2018, 12:01 pm
13 Apr 2018, 12:11 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,155
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
13 Apr 2018, 12:15 pm
AngelRho wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
To my mind, you guys are the ones rationalizing here. You're taking the responsibility off of her, as if she is a victim... Would you even say the same thing if the genders were reversed? I find it repulsive. She is in a relationship for gods sake! It is her responsibility to guard her own relationship.
She’s not satisfied with her relationship. You are in effect an enabler and a predator, and you have some deeper issues going on if you’re hunting IAR girls for sport. And you are rationalizing. You can’t put that on us. You are behaving badly and blaming the victim for the pressure you’re putting on her.
I was the same way at one point in college. I “stole” my wife from her ex. I came close to sleeping with one girl who was engaged and actually did go through with it with another. And another girl had just broken up with her fiancé was saving herself for marriage...after I comforted her that night, well, she didn’t have to worry about THAT anymore. There was another IAR girl that didn’t go that far, but I think she would have gone for it. She was dating a friend of mine, plus this freshman guy that I’d been mentoring had a severe crush on her and lost a lot of respect for me after all that blew up, whereas the ex-bf was actually afraid of me and relieved when she fessed up and dumped him.
Not meaning to brag, and I’m not proud of my checkered past. I’m being honest, and those things do NOT reflect positively on me. Your problem is the same problem we all have: you’re being selfish. The difference is the kinds of things I did and what you’re doing is destructive. I hope you see that, and soon.
Funny thing about girls: you can’t really conquer a girl’s heart, mind, soul, and body unless she purposefully surrenders them to you. Men always get a bad rap for seduction and the old pump-and-dump routine, but girls are just as bad. I was wrong for what I did. But those girls wouldn’t have put up with it if they weren’t unhappy with their relationships already. They were using me a lot more than I used them. In two of those situations I walked away first because I could see nothing good would come of it. But if I’d stayed around long enough to bust them up, they’d have dumped me as soon as they were done with me.
This girl is liable to dump you as soon as she gets rid of her bf. You’re just a little something new and fun on the side, but these little ONS flings eventually die away and leave everyone involved empty and wanting something else. You might be a regular Don Juan right now, but you’ll die lonely if you try to keep it up.
As I've already clarified, she was the one who invited me over. She is not a victim my friend, not even in the slightest.
ONS flings is my goal for the time being. I'm more or less just practicing my flirting skills with any girl I happen to find attractive, I'm not specifically hunting down girls who are already in relationships.
Ok, but she’s in a relationship. She wouldn’t have invited you over if neither she nor her relationship were vulnerable. You could have refused. You ended up taking advantage of the situation, and yes, that does make her a victim to an extent.
Could be she’s just using you. I’ve never been very comfortable in either situation. It’s like, ok, I had fun, but this was never meant to be an ongoing thing, so I’m making my exit before I or someone else ends up dead. Every single time I’ve been down that road an emotional attachment developed, and that can do a lot of harm to someone.
Note that I’m not looking out for the (ex)bf in this situation. I’m more concerned about my safety and hers.
I will say this, though. I understand ONS is where you want to be right now. But if she’s up for cheating, it’s likely she could be on the market soon. The other thing is “once...always.” If pump-and-dump is in her relational vocabulary, you might find yourself on the business end yourself. Been there, done that, too. Not fun.
I understand you aren’t on the hunt for IAR girls, but you do show predatorial tendencies. That kind of thing never ends well. You’d do well to break the pattern now.
I am sure you would have sex with a taken hot girl who's rubbing her boobs on your face, while asking you for a f-ck.
Not at this point in my life. I feel that’s pretty much over for me and I’m perfectly happy with it.
20 years ago, on the other hand...
I had my fun, but that doesn’t mean I felt right about it. That was a very short-lived phase that ended before I finished college.
Well, Closet is almost half your age, so he probably has more testosterone than you.
*snort* testosterone...that’s funny.
My testosterone levels have either only intensified with age or they’re just now really kicking in. I STILL have acne breakouts and voice cracking. 25 years of puberty is really taking its toll. I’ve seriously considered depo implants so I might finally get some relief. It’s driving my wife crazy, too.
Thanks for your concern, though.
25 years of puberty? You're right that isn't normal might want to get that checked out with a doctor.
13 Apr 2018, 12:40 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,452
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
13 Apr 2018, 12:50 pm
magz wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
magz wrote:
Hefner – maybe but I'm not so sure about all the elderly rockmen and their groupies. I guess it's mainly attractiveness of social status.
And for the "true alphas"... I once came across a graphics describing some lizards mating strategies.
I'm pretty sure humans are capable of inventing even more competing strategies.
And for the "true alphas"... I once came across a graphics describing some lizards mating strategies.
I'm pretty sure humans are capable of inventing even more competing strategies.
Except we are primates, not lizards, Chimpanzees and gorillas make a better comparison for our species.
Don't forget about bonobos.
But actually what makes humans a bit different is complexity of human cultures and societes. No other primates come close to it. And cooperation: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 121519.htm https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 153455.htm
Socially, humans were always been more similar to the patriarchal chimpanzee than the matriarchal bonobos.
Bonobos are also an evolutionary anomaly, they became matriarchal due to very narrow and special lengthened conditions (drought + extinction of gorillas in their area), read about it.
Humans on the other hand always had to be a warring species.
13 Apr 2018, 12:51 pm
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