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All the socialization tips thrown here don't really work...

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314pe
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01 Jun 2018, 8:22 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
The problem with all these "meet people at X" posts is they don't take into account if you're somebody (like me) who absolutely nobody is ever interested in. If I really push for it I can become shallow peripheral "friends" with people, but I can never have a close bond, neither platonic or romantic.

Why can't you bond with other similar people?



HistoryGal
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01 Jun 2018, 8:25 am

I had no problem getting dates when I was single.....but having more than two or three dates didn't happen much. I didn't like being touched so that killed any relationship progression.



studentM
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01 Jun 2018, 8:55 am

HistoryGal wrote:
I had no problem getting dates when I was single.....but having more than two or three dates didn't happen much. I didn't like being touched so that killed any relationship progression.


This is how it's been for me too.

Getting asked out was no problem at all, and I'd go on 3 to 4 dates a week, but the physical expectations were unreasonable and unrealistic, as it takes me quite a while to open up.

There's little patience for just getting to know someone to see if you actually like them as a person.

As a result, I stopped dating this past December.



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01 Jun 2018, 2:05 pm

I couldn't handle holding hands or any physical touching. Kissing was out of the question. Deeper physical intimacy was unthinkable.



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01 Jun 2018, 5:16 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
so, what does his all-knowing majesty suggest, instead?

don't forget you're on a site for autistic people. obviously a lot of people here are gonna have trouble telling others how to be more successful socially.


I have zero trouble telling people how to be more successful socially, but, they think I'm lying soooo I get to enjoy my social life, and them their misery, I suppose.


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01 Jun 2018, 6:29 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
But I don't think what I am talking about is an Autism-related issue though (the forming friendships via clubs/Meetups/hobbies); you see....you need two hands to clap, if the NT people you are meeting through these activities aren't doing the smallest effort to socialize with you and follow through then no matter what you do, no friendship is going to form.

Because they find you weird cos of your autistic mannerisms. Have you not been in a group and witnessed other people somehow bonding with ease, but leaving you out? You need two hands to clap, yes - two willing hands. NT people might be clapping with each other, but you are raising your hand and getting nothing back. I think, for me at least, it absolutely is an autism-related issue. I believe I'd be able to find many more friends at these clubs/meetups/etc. if I socialised their way. If I was more like them.

That's why I say if you're trying the group joining thing to find friends, you have to find a group with people (or just one person) who is more like you. Some may never find it. But if one has the time and the desire, I think it's worth trying.



Sabreclaw
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02 Jun 2018, 3:45 pm

314pe wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
The problem with all these "meet people at X" posts is they don't take into account if you're somebody (like me) who absolutely nobody is ever interested in. If I really push for it I can become shallow peripheral "friends" with people, but I can never have a close bond, neither platonic or romantic.

Why can't you bond with other similar people?


Because they don't want to bond with me.



Biskit69
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02 Jun 2018, 3:52 pm

I met most of my friends from Xbox live


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02 Jun 2018, 9:05 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:
The problem with all these "meet people at X" posts is they don't take into account if you're somebody (like me) who absolutely nobody is ever interested in. If I really push for it I can become shallow peripheral "friends" with people, but I can never have a close bond, neither platonic or romantic.

All meeting more people will do is get me attached to people who won't have the slightest interest in me. I'm tired of being worthless. Being lonely by yourself hurts a lot less than being lonely in a crowd.


I have the same problem as well. When I went like to a store selling trading cards everyone didn't seem interested in anything I had to say.
I mean they might say something to me but then when I talk back it becomes silent and then they walk off.

I don't want to talk to someone and it end up being as if I was talking to a brick wall. Happened a lot in my life and I'm tired of it.


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09 Jun 2018, 1:30 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
I am gradually feeling like I have made some friends in my exercise class. If I wanted to see more of them, I could. It's the same group of people month after month, year after year.

Maybe the trick is to get involved with a hobby group or special interest group and stay involved for a long time. Or participate in a neighborhood association and keep doing it for a very long time. I once started a computer users group and made some good friends in that, by putting a lot of energy into it.



Staying involved with a group, or activity for a long time should help. Also, finding like-minded people, with similar ambitions, couldn't hurt either. I have found a lot of people (especially lately), that could become great friends, but they seem to have other priorities, and ambitions, and things seem to fizzle out.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jun 2018, 2:32 pm

SilverStar wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
I am gradually feeling like I have made some friends in my exercise class. If I wanted to see more of them, I could. It's the same group of people month after month, year after year.

Maybe the trick is to get involved with a hobby group or special interest group and stay involved for a long time. Or participate in a neighborhood association and keep doing it for a very long time. I once started a computer users group and made some good friends in that, by putting a lot of energy into it.



Staying involved with a group, or activity for a long time should help. Also, finding like-minded people, with similar ambitions, couldn't hurt either. I have found a lot of people (especially lately), that could become great friends, but they seem to have other priorities, and ambitions, and things seem to fizzle out.



The last 3 lines is the exact problem I had.