Online dating messages

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Do they specially ask if you have a good job, or is it more of a conversational question, like what do you do dor a living.

I haven't used Tinder, but I know what you mean. I see so many girls on OKC where I think "Gosh, she's awfully pretty...but her profile sounds incredibly boring." There used to be a lot less "normal" people on there the last time I was single =|

"Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait."

BTW, I hope you are not suggesting that I am an average looking guy who seems boring. If anything, my OKC profile probably makes me sound far too weird =) I am okay with this.


Yes, but this is difficult when one has Asperger's =)

I do try not to "moan" and complain as much as I used to when I was younger. I notice other people doing it, and I think to myself, "gosh, do I sound like that??"

(Oh look, I'm talking at you about myself! How do I reconfigure??)


=) I've thought that for a few years, but you seem a little standoffish at times (if that's the correct word?). No offense intended; maybe "distant" is more appropriate?



That sounds about right to me. It was awesome back in the day, for someone like me, but now I rarely check it. Other dating websites that I've seen have never really been my crowd.



Technically, there is little science behind any of those sorts of labels. AFAIK, science cannot currently explain why some people are homosexual, or transgender (for example)...even sets of identical twins will have differing sexualities.

I can certainly relate to "sapiosexual" though; I find unintelligent women to be a bit of a turnoff, and find intelligent women to be incredibly attractive. I don't use it to label myself though, I just know what I like and what I don't.

Dating sites seem like the bottom of the barrel anyways. Yeah it’s becoming more “mainstream” but it’s still rare to find a halfway decent human being on those sites.

The more "mainstream" it gets, the more "bottom of the barrel" it looks to me! It depends what sort of person you are interested in. Mainstream people are not what I'm into. Socially awkwards nerds are. I've been doing online dating since 1997 and I prefer who the majority of users were earlier on than who they are today. So I wouldn't actually call any type of person "bottom of the barrel", because they could be ideal for some people if not for you.

It used to be easier to meet a certain type of person online. Now most single/poly people who you could meet on the street are also online.

They try to know it subtly, like they ask first “what do you do for living” which is a casual question that even I ask; but then many try to dig more detailed work information like what’s my exact position, what kind of company, whether i am getting promotions or not...


...it eventually becomes so obvious, especially on a first meet up.


And there were those who literally asked me “what’s your salary?” on a first chat or meetup; not common but it happened to me at least 3 times.

A former friend of mine used to refer to dates as job interviews.

I've heard that many times. That they are similar, at least. I used to always disagree because I don't try to impress or "win over" my dates, where I would in an interview. (And I don't grill them like the interviewer.)

But these days I don't really try to impress in job interviews either

In dating:

Women = employers

Men = Job seekers

Date = interview


In case of online dating these parallels become even greater , you may add:

Woman's dating profile = Job Vacancy

Man's dating profile = CV

Man's first message = Cover letter.

Men/Women ratio = JobSkeekers/Employers ratio.

Most men's messages get ignored by women = most job seekers' submitted applications get ignored by employers.

Most women's messages get replied by men = most employers' contacts are often....well answered by job seekers.

Women have way more options on dating sites = exactly like how employers have way more options on job boards.



These parallels are so insanely accurate.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 17 Jun 2018, 6:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Because you are the employer.

When I date women? I know I started this thread directed at men dating women, but what you said makes no sense for me because I approach my dates with men and women the same way.

And did you read the bit in brackets? I don't behave like the employer either. I don't want them to try to impress me. I just want to have a good time, get to know each other, see if we seem compatible (which goes both ways, do I suit them / do they suit me, which is how I treat job interviews too these days).

Usually the one who's way more in demand gets the defacto role of 'employer' - in heterosexual online dating that's usually the woman, unless the man is one of these rare successful six-packed Christian Bale lookalike while the woman is way less in demand than him.
Same rules would apply for homosexual dating.

The 'employer' and 'job seeker' roles aren't intentional, even if you think you're not being one of them, during the course of dating there's always one trying to win/impress the other while the other is trying to evaluate this one. Very rare are the first dates where both parties are equally trying to impress / evaluate each other.

Remember, even in the job interviews , the candidate does evaluate the company but not as equally and strict as the company is evaluating him; if the company doesn't sound like a criminal organization then he would most likely accept a second interview if he gets the chance , because the candidate is way in need to get a job than the company to get a new employee (hint: hence why men are always WAAAAYYYY more likely to want a 2nd date than women).

On the other hand, the company is also trying to give a good image to the candidate (impressing) but not as equally (effort wise) as the candidate is trying to impress the company about himself.

The reverse scenario only happens if the candidate is so unique and there's no one around who has his same skills that the company desperately needs in hurry. Think of the brainiac scientists that the NASA hires from outer seas.

I find this whole correlation to job interviews disturbing and depressing to be frankly honest. It’s sad that it is indeed very true...... but I can’t think of anything less sexy and romantic then a job interview. It speaks to a fundamental flaw in our social dating dynamics. Romance is sparked by connection and connection is made when we are vulnerable and open with eachother. Love blooms when one or both people start to feel safe and unconditionally accepted for who they are. How the hell can this type of passion and love blossom in something as cold, calloused, judgemental and selfserving as a job interview? I won’t deny the correlation, but the fact that we can make the correlation is proof that we got some issues in our society. Do you really really think deep and passionate romance can bloom on a foundation where we are assessed and judged to see if we measure up? No freaking way! No wonder why this day and age sucks at romance.

And oh, I forgot to add the most depressing parallel: parties in both job interviews and dates often adopt a fake ideal persona and hiding their major flaws that may make things terrible later after closing the deal.

How many women were able to guess on first date than their future husband is actually abuser , how many men were able to guess on first date that their future wife is actually a cheater....

how many employees were able to guess on interview that their boss will be a total jerk? How many companies were able to guess on interview that the new employee isn't as good as he/she claimed?

^ Dating and romance have always been this way.

Personally, I've always found women to be much more practically-minded than men on the romance front.

Has anyone ever thought that possibly the reason someone might ask "What do you do for a living" is because we're trying to find some common ground?

I mean, for example, I have a bachelor's degree and work a professional full time job. How much would I have in common, for example, with someone who dropped out of high school, works part-time at a fast food place, and lives with their parents? Probably not much.

It's not necessarily that I'm "better" than they are, but we are very likely going to have different life experiences and different life goals.

Sure, there are women who are concerned about how much you make, but you're not required to date those women either. You are completely within your right to throw them back and say "no thanks" when they start asking about salary, which, to be honest, I don't blame anyone for doing that because it's not anyone's business.

Did it ever occur to you that you misread this part:



That's beyond the "What do you do for a living" question.