Living with parents kind of puts the kibosh on dating?

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Boy, THIS conversation sure ended far from where it started!

Someone asked what my point was. I think I was suggesting that if anyone here wants mature relationships with the opposite (or even the same) sex, they should think about being mature, independent people.

The thing about how expensive housing is, is spurious. I and most of my peers lived with roommates (including many we didn't totally love) before being anywhere close to buying property. Also, I chose to move to an area with more affordable housing because there was NEVER going to be a time when I could buy in the pleasant part of California where I lived. Mortgage rates are WAY cheaper than in my early adult years when they could be as high as 13 percent!

It's not true you can't get roommates unless you have friends. All the other financially disadvantaged young people are in the same boat and need someone to share rent with. The one time I started out rooming with a friend, we ended up not-friends (she stole my boyfriend). All the other situations, were strangers to me when we started out.

Learn to get along with other people if you want to move out from the parents' house ... and learn to manage your own affairs, whether or not you are able to work.

Parents who keep their adult children home forever so they can take their disability payments are evil and selfish. Launching is a real thing. It should be viewed as a goal even well into adulthood. No matter how delayed, adult children should learn the basics of money management, goal setting, and self-regulation. If that is too great a demand (say, in cases of intellectual disability), some plans should be put into place for when the parents die.

Okay, now the haters can start in on me.

Oh, and yes I am autistic. I have two autistic adult children. Both are living with their romantic partners.

Which southerners? Pre- or post-war? The “Old South” moved north and for all practical purposes ultimately won the war. Well, ok, that might be an exaggeration. But, yeah, the old south relocated long, long ago, and it’s the same old arguments repackaged.

Democrats got all butthurt over losing their slaves, so they invented ways of disenfranchising them. And when that didn’t work, they built a whole beurocracy and welfare system that is near impossible to escape, which is how they still manage to keep folks on the plantation. All they did was convert cheap labor into votes. They were nasty, entitled gentry then, and they’re nasty, entitled academic elites now.

I’m not a huge fan of the Confederate flag. I like the Mississippi state flag for the history and for the fact we are not the kind of people to just go along with the crowd for its own sake. That’s what it means to me. But I never understand why northerners get so bent out of shape over the confederate flag, especially since they attribute slavery and racism to it. Given their affinity for socialism (what was southern slavery if not redistribution of wealth? What was the southern slave master if not a communist dictator?), I’d say the confederate flag is the perfect emblem of northern, leftist hypocrisy. It’s not called “the Great White North” for nothing.

I will give northern Democrats this much credit, though: what we did by invading their homeland and running them out of the south was wrong. You can argue states’ rights versus slavery all you want, but at the end of the war what Southern Democrats really was their dignity and sacred honor. I think had we taken that into better consideration a solution for abolishing slavery, preserving autonomy, and allowing everyone involved a chance to save face would have been found and our two parties would be far less divided than they are.

But no...

They still persist in that postwar bitterness. And that, I believe, is leading that slow charge into total irrelevancy.

Those that remain... Well, I actually do like the South pretty much as it is. Baptists were abolitionists before the war, and blacks and whites all went to church together. And one day, hopefully, we won’t have “Black churches” or “white churches.” We are hopeful and optimistic people. We value good manners and respect for the elderly and those in authority—whether we agree with them or not. We are charitable.

I am saddened someone dislikes a place where being polite and kind and helping your neighbor are central to daily life. I’m sorry they feel that way. If you hate kindness and the desire to think for oneself, that’s really too bad because the South certainly exceeds in that capacity.

Mortgage rate, but you say nothing about the actual house prices that trippled in the last 20 years.

Old people should stop pretending that they made it because they were simply better hard workers while implying that millennials are lazier ; no you were not.

Millennials should stop blaming a bad economy from 2008 to 2016 for their inability to live with roommates or find a job post-recession. Things have improved a great deal, but it seems many younger people have lost the initiative to jump back in, start at ground zero perhaps and tenaciously work their way up.

But that's not what this thread was about. It's not about generational differences or cultural differences between north and south. It's about living arrangements that make dating more, or less, plausible.

Then there's a few of us who just maintain our family's houses rather than waste all our money because we prefer studying & doing our own thing to working in an economy that clearly neither values nor respects us. Rent issues are relative to how much money young people make in the first place.

I have a job. I"ve had many jobs. Not a single one paid a living wage where I live & certainly not enough to move. I'm not terribly concerned about dating anyone who pressures me into the rat race anyway.

I think you should bug off.

* edited just out of respect for your age, but you are so patronizing.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Jul 2018, 2:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

The truth is in your post, sir. A 19,000 pounds for a flat, that’s insanely cheap.
How much was your income back then?
My parent bought the flat two years ago for 255,000$ in Beirut, of which i paid a quarter of it, my brother another quarter - and that’s considered a steal. And it’s not even in a fancy area.

Before that they didn’t even have a house (they did bad decisions) but only cheap renting (there was a law to keep old rents cheap to protect the poor class, but now it’s getting gradually revoked and old rents’ prices will spike to current price standards , which is $900-1500 a month).

Not here or nearly an entire generation wouldn’t date.

The average single income renter makes $35k and average house prices are $1.277M so it’s extremely common that adult children live with, or rent from, their parents.

It changes the dynamics a bit, but people still date & it’s not often a deal breaker if you can’t afford your own place. Tons of roommate situations going on, too.

I guess it depends on where you live whether it’s a deal breaker or not. Not so much here at all anymore.

i don't know a single person around my age apart from my incompetent ex girlfriend who lives with their parents.


house prices average 1 million here.


many of these people don't even have jobs.



how do you explain that....

We know a number of people in Spain, and I can report that, at least in the 90s, young people continued to live with their parents until getting married (at least in Madrid). In particular, nobody who lived in Madrid would move out while attending University, and of course most people attending University are probably in a relationship or at least "dating". Living with one's parents as a young single person simply never seemed to acquire a stigma.

The one way in which this has changed in the current Century is that the time arrived when those leaving University could simply not find employment in Spain, so they moved to other EU countries, notably Germany. I know one German guy who moved to Germany several years ago, and is still there. At this point he has lived with his German girlfriend for a long time. Anyway you might say he didn't have much of a choice about leaving his parents' home.

They worked hard like Ivanka Trump.

Ridiculous. Only a fool would flush their money down the toilet when they can stay living with their parents and build up a savings to buy a house in the future. You don't get wealthy by wasting money on unnecessary things.

Most people my age still live at their parents houses these days. Most of them get into relationships just fine. Frankly I find the opinions of people who were born in the Silurian period to be out of touch with modern society.

Well I sure walked right into that trap. FNORD! Where are you when I need you????

Wouldn't that be actually a good thing according to most parents, though? Almost everyone wants to have romantic relationships and sex themself, but they rarely see any need to help the next generation do the same; on the contrary, the more hoops you have to jump through, the better! And bear in mind the opinions that matter are those of people in a position of power, like parents whose adult children still live at their home.



To me, whether an otherwise potential partner considers it a deal breaker or not is a minor concern---all it means is that that particular person won't date you. But if your parents don't let you date, you're not dating anyone till you manage not to need anything from them ever again. Also, if you try to get close to a woman who happens to have one of those overprotective fathers, or other relatives, who will kill you on sight, you're screwed.

I lived in dorms with roommates for years (most colleges in the US nearly require you to at least do so for the first year of college). I had to move back to parents when I started having meltdowns. Currently though, I think I have no excuse and will be working to get back, however:

It is unfair to just claim that every person with autism should just get roommates and it's as simple as that. If you have serious social anxiety, meltdowns from overload, or something like that, then living with roommates can be a huge problem and make your condition worse. Living with someone who you are familiar with and can trust more is completely different.

I tend to judge myself harshly, but I don't extend that judgement to others because I realize their needs and situation can be extremely different (as we all know everyone on the Spectrum is different), nor would I disparage anyone who has the confidence to put themselves out there and try to find a relationship to stop trying just because "they aren't good enough".

Hey, Bea! I didn't know your boys had "Hottie Models" for wives! Why dincha ever tell me?