Men don't know how they are

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Mythos
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15 Sep 2018, 3:47 pm

Fnord wrote:

BTDT wrote:

In Connecticut, intent is no longer required for sexual harassment. Thus, the defense that you didn't know what you were doing no longer applies. As I see it, it common courtesy to stop flirting if you realize you are doing it accidentally.

As I see it, current laws and customs dictate that men have as little contact as possible with women in the workplace -- even a jovial "Good Morning" can earn you a visit from HR.

As for me, I try to be polite, yet formal -- no first-name basis for me. It's "Miss", "Missus", or "Doctor" so-and-so. "Yes, ma'am", "No, ma'am", and "Thank you, ma'am" round out the package. I keep my eyes on my work, too.

I would rather be known as a grumpy person who "has a stick up his arse" than a leering, lecherous, dirty-old-man type.

This close to retirement is too close to risk losing my pension over a lawsuit.

That's absurd. If you lost a job over simply greeting somebody or having a casual conversation, you should take that up with the company. There's no way such levels of oppression is legal. Isn't communication with others out of isolation a component of human rights?

I'd rather work in a place where I can speak to people, make friends, build relationships, just generally have fun. I'm sure places like that exist. Sadly, it seems they may be far rarer than I believed.

Sahn
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15 Sep 2018, 4:22 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Said my friend.

Really? They're just going round deliberately flirting with me oblivious to the fact that they are sending me signals of interest. And I'm in the wrong for interpreting signals of interest as... wait for it... actual f*****g interest.

Why do men get a free pass and women get the role of stupid idiot that believed she could be loved?

It's a double standard.

These things do happen to men, my friend is always asking me to take her for walks, to the beach and out for a meal or the cinema. We look like and get treated like a couple. I can stay at her place at the end of the night, she'll even pop me in bed with her because it's nice and cozy. Everything she wants to do has romantic connotations, it's like we're having a phantom relationship. So there you go.

hurtloam
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16 Sep 2018, 1:02 am

Thank you for all your responses. It's been interesting reading other people's experiences.

I've come to a conclusion that I feel better about.

I genuinely do think he was flirting with me, but stopped when he realised that I was genuinely interested in him. He didn't want a relationship. So actually, he did the right thing. Rather than continuing to flirt because it was fun, he stopped.

I was sad for a while because I was disappointed and confused, but now I know that he's not interested I can move on. Which I couldn't have done of he had continued to send signals that he was interested in me.

I felt like I had done something wrong and he stopped liking me because of something that I couldn't put my finger on, but he wasn't serious in the first place. Realising that means I don't feel rejected now. We were only just friends all along.

SabbraCadabra
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16 Sep 2018, 9:18 am

hurtloam wrote:

I genuinely do think he was flirting with me, but stopped when he realised that I was genuinely interested in him. He didn't want a relationship.

Perhaps. A lot of people feel like "the chase is better than the catch".

Maybe you just need to play "hard to get"? Maybe he felt like you threw yourself at him a little too hard, and you need to act more coy about these situations?

I don't know, I don't understand people, they're too fickle.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Sep 2018, 10:21 am

but....but...what about the cupcake?? was its topping vanilla?

A woman giving a vanilla cupcake to a guy, that's so powerful! :lmao:

The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Sep 2018, 10:23 am

Nevermind me....i have a dirty mind. I am so corrupt; Jesus will burn me.

hurtloam
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16 Sep 2018, 4:46 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

but....but...what about the cupcake?? was its topping vanilla?

A woman giving a vanilla cupcake to a guy, that's so powerful! :lmao:

That's not how that Kelis song goes...

hurtloam
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16 Sep 2018, 5:31 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

I genuinely do think he was flirting with me, but stopped when he realised that I was genuinely interested in him. He didn't want a relationship.

Yeah, maybe the chase was the fun bit. I don't see a future. I really just needed some closure on this one and I've finally found some. I'm happy to move on now.

SabbraCadabra
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17 Sep 2018, 5:24 am

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hurtloam
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17 Sep 2018, 5:31 am

SabbraCadabra wrote:

It's fine. It really is. This thread really did help me a lot.

The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Sep 2018, 1:42 pm

Some people are not meant to get married and procreate.

Giving up is not a shame.

hurtloam
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17 Sep 2018, 5:45 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Some people are not meant to get married and procreate.

Giving up is not a shame.

This is very true. I know people who are happily single.

Also... I've met someone else... not quite given up just yet... and the saga continues.

RetroGamer87
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18 Sep 2018, 1:09 am

Men don't know how they are what?

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hurtloam
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18 Sep 2018, 1:21 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Men don't know how they are what?

How their interest and flirting can be taken as an indication that they fancy you.

SabbraCadabra
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18 Sep 2018, 5:19 am

hurtloam wrote:

Also... I've met someone else... not quite given up just yet... and the saga continues.

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Benjamin the Donkey
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18 Sep 2018, 6:29 am

hurtloam wrote:

They can't be oblivious to it if they're doing it deliberately.

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