Great examples of subtle hints from females

Post Reply New Topic

For some people, the difference between making out and having sex can be considerable.

I’ve seen people get hot and heavy on the dance floor...but when the guy tried to go further, he would be rebuffed in no uncertain terms.

Conversely there is no way in hell I'm inviting someone I'm dating into my house for "coffee" late at night if I'm not ready to have sex with him. I don't want to send mixed messages.

If we wanna talk a bit more we can do so by going to another bar and extend the night.

It can also happen that the woman might be interested in sex when she invites the guy into her house, but thinks twice about it after some reflection.

In this situation, there is no consent for sex on the part of the woman.

Even though she wanted to earlier.

It’s always best to err on the side of caution.

Yes, very true. I'm just gonna post the tea consent video again for anyone who doesn't get it... applies to coffee too.

^^ It’s a good video. It covers almost everything apart from a couple of situations.

When I was in public school, I definitely used to miss hints. Sometimes they were pretty obvious, too. I never realized these hints until long after they had happened.

I agree the getting to know someone better part is positive.

Misjudgment of the inviter's intentions either way (they didn't want physical intimacy or they did want physical intimacy) wouldn't be positive.

You're right....that would be beset with potential problems....

I've had women do that to me who were not interested in me romantically. They just considered me a good friend & some thought I was gay.
I NEED women to be direct with me because I am too ret*d to get subtle hints & flirting. Lots of women got offended with me when I made a move on them because I was too direct & straightforward & I also took what they said literately when they said they were busy or working & I kept suggesting different days.

Hmm. It's a certain something in the way they look at you too that gives away whether it's just friendliness or more. Theres a flirtatious warmth. I guess that's maybe more difficult for aspie men to notice.

I guess it's different for me. Men tend to be less sociable than women, so if a man is being really into talking to you, it's a big sign. You may get the odd sociable unicorn man, but mostly men communicate to convey info rather than come over for small talk. If they really wanna have some small talk with you, that's a sign. Especially British men.

What did you say to them when you expressed interest?

What get's me is people assuming any woman just already knows all the popular things and will automatically catch that inviting someone for coffee means sex?. Like I could see myself easily having ended up in the situation with the woman who took the offer for coffee seriously and was perplexed about why it suddenly turned into 'why wont you have sex with me'. I had a situation in college where a person I thought was just a friend invited me to come watch movies at his place....I had thought maybe he noticed I didn't have much friends and was mostly alone so he was just trying to be friendly. Well after watching movies I came to find out what he really wanted was sex, and I wasn't into a guy a decade older than me who up untill this point I thought he was just a good kind of acquaintance and I had even carpooled with him to visit my family for christmas. With the assumption I was just a young college kid and he was an entirly grown 30+ year old man with a teenage daugher just being nice to offer me a ride. So of course I thought the movie invite was just about watching a couple movies and having some company, until he started pressuring sex stuff toward the end of what was our last more friendly interaction. It got creepy like he tried kind of shoving me into the bedroom with convincing it woudln't be so bad, I ended up just letting him play with my boobs a little before I left. I mean IDK I was worried if I didn't let him have at something he'd have become more forceful, maybe he wouldn't have I was just shocked at the situation and trying to find a way out asap.

But yeah I guess I didn;t understand this 30 year old I kind of saw as sort of an older student to look up to, was asking for sex when he asked me to come over and watch movies. I guess I am the stupid one for not immediatly understanding he meant sex by movie. Much like the woman who thought coffee meant coffee should be ridiculed for not knowing he meant sex by coffee...oh how silly....

Or maybe when it comes to this kind of thing people should just be more honest, instead of assuming everyone knows something like 'coffee' means sex and then getting mad at the person when they didn't catch on to your indirect communication. I mean big freaking shock here on the autism forum, but some of us take things more literally and its not intentional stupidity like some of you treat it as. LIke 'oh ha, ha, she should have known coffee meant sex, after all there is even a seinfeld episode on it.' What makes everyone think all the autistics have kept up on seinfeld, plus its a comedy show. In general people don't usually assume comedy shows are showing an entirely real depiction of life, at least I would hope. I mean the idea of she should have known, they had a seinfeld about it is so stupid maybe she never saw that episode, or maybe she did and thought it was fiction because its a comedy show. Either way seems kind of messed up the guy actually got all pissed at her and raged just because she didn't 'get it' initially.

Certainly sucks being autistic when people mean-heartedly make fun of you not getting everything that all the NTs know right away. Was a little surprising to see it here, I'd think people on this forum would understand struggles of miscommunication more than making fun of them but based on this thread appears I am wrong. Perhaps next we can make a thread about Great examples of social blunders and mixed messages from males I bet that would go over really well here....seriously.

My mum warned me about men when I was growing up. She said they all have ulterior motives, which is sexist #notallmen.

But I was never naive about what sex was and that young men are quite sexually motivated.

Yes I had male friends as a teen, but we hung out in a mix group and went to the cinema, bowling and ice skating. If someone wanted to pair off alone, you knew it was for a bit more.

Don't any of you folks own tvs? Sex is very featured in all teen shows, I grew up on Beverly Hills 90210. Even The fresh Prince and The Wonder Years had themes of sex.

Also, Seinfeld took every day things and discussed them, not "it's on Seinfeld, let's adopt it". They talked about human behaviour that was happening all around them. I mean yeah, there's the words that they created like "spongeworthy and "regifting" that people adopted, but a lot if it was commentary on stuff in pop culture.

The coffee thing is widely known. It wasnt invented in the seinfeld writers room.

Kids these days ask each other over for "Netflix n chill", coffee is a gen x thing.

Sorry, I'm being a bit argumentative in my tone. I dont want to make anyone feel bad.

I don't think he was using any sort of code. He simply wanted to get you alone with him, and figured he had gained your trust, so you would be naïve enough to assume that all he wanted was for you to watch movies with him.

When guys talk about asking women out offline on this forum a common theme they get told is to invite the woman out for coffee so this invite for coffee = sex thing is something LOTS on this forum are not aware of since noone said that on here till now. It is no wonder so many of guys on the spectrum struggled to get dates cuz women we asked out kept assuming we were wanting sex instead of dates. I'm not saying lots of Aspie guys were not also wanting sex but they were trying to start with dating the women they asked out for coffee.