Women, Men, Tell us What You Need The Other Sex To Know!.

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If I come home with a problem, someone who I argued with or an incident at work, I need to tell the story, it clears the toxicity from within me, makes me feel I am on top of things.
I am not looking for advice or solutions. I just need you there to listen, to be a silent pillar of support. If you can just listen and look as though you care, that is the best gift you can give .

Aspie women exist.

A lot of the 'problems with women' are actually problems with NTs which are higher in NT women because of how they're socialised.

Aspie women are either too timid to be blunt and keep our mouths shut or we're blunt. It's best when we're blunt because we can be easily manipulated into things like sex when we don't have the confidence to just say 'no' if we don't want it.

Also aspie women do not want to wear things which make us uncomfortable for the same reason that you probably don't want to wear a tight tie. It hurts. Quit telling women how to dress but especially quit telling aspie women how to dress. (There's a reason he's an ex).

I'm stopping using generalizations right now: You Fnord are extremely sensitive when it comes to emotions but you try to never admit it!
Better now?

Honestly, you're right, I know some women who act like this as well. More men I saw acting like this but some women, too.

To a man:

I know that you are hurting, and sensitive, no less than I am. Do you think that it makes you weak and vulnerable to share your feelings? You close yourself up in a "cave" and keep all your pain to yourself. You put on this tough facade. Almost as if you are afraid to admit that you are hurting. Have you been taught that it's not manly to share your feelings? That it's for cissies? Men don't cry? Don't you trust anyone with your heart?

You live in a tough arena, trust me to guard your heart. No man can stand alone against the world.

I see you before me as impenetrable like a fortress. I want to ease your pain but you don't let me in.

Last edited by Teach51 on 25 Jun 2019, 4:10 am, edited 2 times in total.

OT: "If you don't know what you did wrong, I'm not going to explain it to you." is not a valid position at any time. Using sex as a weapon in a relationship is a really s**t thing to do, and if you're going to talk s**t about me to your friends then "I didn't think you'd be able to read that" doesn't make it better.

I've come to understand that this is the case for many women; that talking/venting about the issue is a way of dealing with it and then moving on. But it would be useful if you could explain this upfront or something, because it intuitively makes no sense for many men. You present something as a problem, we start thinking about and suggesting solutions. We get very confused when women then get upset at us for trying to solve a problem they presented to us in the first place, and the feeling of either not having attempted to solve a problem presented to us or being presented with a problem we have no power to solve is toxic to us unless you explain that you're just venting and that you talking and us listening is all the solution you're looking for.

I think the key is identifying what we need and then we can communicate it to others. I wish they would teach the different behaviours of men and women in school. We are all flailing in the dark and trying to make relationships work with the other gender and really messing it up, men and women both.

The sad thing is that good intentions are misenterpreted and end up in conflict. That's why it's so important to listen to each other and accept what others need even if we can't understand it.

There is a pretty old book called "Men from Mars Women from Venus" by psychologist John Grey that illustrates the fundamental differences between men and women. He gives practical tips to understand the different brains and deal with the problems. It's commercial but helpful.

What men know about women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ts91PA8DzEI

Why, when I was reading it, I often found descriptions of men fitting me better?

Take the book with a grain of salt but I agree, it can help in some cases to understand and relate better.

Lol that's it then????

My aspie female friend has a more masculine way of analysing things than female.

That happens with me a lot. That's why I'm advising the guys on here to realise that a lot of the advice they're giving is better suited to NT women who will never read it than to us.

I think teaching the 'inherent differences between men and women' at school would be sexist and lead a lot of aspie women to wondering if they're trans and a lot of bullying of more camp guys.

It would be better to teach modes of thinking but to keep it more equal than we do now (nowadays we try to force aspie kids to see things the NT way without doing anything the other way around). So teaching NT kids about autism and about how some people who say things bluntly aren't always bullies.

I agree. The only "inherent" difference between men and women is that men have testicles and women have ovaries. The rest is, at best, statistics.
I got quite a lot of knowledge about men and and women by just hanging out with them, listening to their stories, seeing how they act. I believe in desegregation and embracing diversity.

I’m not an effeminate man.

There are times when my reactions seem more “womanly” than what’s expected from a “manly man.”

I’m from Venus sometimes

My husband often shows testosterone-heavy manly man behaviors - and also some stereotypical female ones like being on a diet all the time and then being unable to resist a chocolate cake He is equally Himself in both.
The world isn't purely dualistic, people aren't purely dualistic, there is no unpenetrable barrier between the fundamental essence of Male and Female.

It's just a reproductive strategy of many species to have two sexes

How do behaviors get defined as "Feminine", "Masculine" or even "Queer"?

Who gets to decide, and why?

"Society" dictates it----and individuals interpret it in their own way, but influenced by previous notions.

There is sort of a "consensus"---and we tend to go with it (rightly, or wrongly).