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"You don't need a partner to be happy"

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hurtloam
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26 Aug 2019, 6:40 pm

I genuinely don't know any divorced guys or single dad's.

Divorced men seem to drop off the face of the planet.

I'm having a pretty good week... Maybe I really should just give up. Maybe I don't really need anyone.



Fnord
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26 Aug 2019, 6:47 pm

hurtloam wrote:
I genuinely don't know any divorced guys or single dads. Divorced men seem to drop off the face of the planet...
They may be either too busy working to socialize (gotta keep those child/spousal support payments going!) or they may have gone "gun-shy" about relationships ... likely both.



BenderRodriguez
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26 Aug 2019, 7:00 pm

^
I don't think they have "spousal support"/alimony in the UK. Here, many people have shared custody=no child support.


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martianprincess
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26 Aug 2019, 9:20 pm

I don't think I do, but having a healthy relationship does add several benefits to my life. Do I absolutely *need* it though? Nah.


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rdos
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27 Aug 2019, 1:41 am

Fnord wrote:
Nobody needs anything to be happy.

Happiness comes from within. If you are not happy with yourself, then nothing will make you happy -- not partners, not friends, not drugs, not money -- nothing.

Me? I'm happy with myself, all things considered. True, by most people's standards, I am ugly. So what? English bulldogs are ugly by most people's standards, too! Why are they so popular? Because they're affectionate, companionable, easy to get along with, and they don't complain about how ugly they are or how all of the Dobermans and Shepherds are getting all of the Poodles!

And because I'm happy with myself, I can be happy in almost any situation (the after-effects of anesthesia from surgery weren't at all fun, for example).

Don't have a partner? Consider all of the things you can do because you don't have to "check in" with a partner to see if it's okay to do them! Really.

So go live your life for yourself and forget about not having a partner; but if you want to have a partner, then work on improving yourself to the point where you'll attract potential partners without any effort. That's all there is to it.


I can be happy by myself, but it's a lot easier to be happy when somebody else makes you happy. After all, humans are not adapted to making themselves happy, simply because that would be maladaptive in the evolutionary sense.



hurtloam
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27 Aug 2019, 1:54 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
^
I don't think they have "spousal support"/alimony in the UK. Here, many people have shared custody=no child support.


No they do. I've worked in HR and they forcibly took it out of one if our employees wage because he wasn't paying child support.



hurtloam
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27 Aug 2019, 3:00 am

martianprincess wrote:
I don't think I do, but having a healthy relationship does add several benefits to my life. Do I absolutely *need* it though? Nah.


It's nice to have the opportunity to evaluate it with knowledge though.

I'm getting older and no one will give me a chance.

It's the fact that it's not been my choice that bugs me the most.

I'm just constantly told "no".

I'm in my late 30s and stuck at teenager level.



Amity
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27 Aug 2019, 3:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Amity wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
There just no men left. :shrug:

I agree, by mid thirty or so many un/conventionally attractive men are already in relationships.
Though I think it's fair to say that there are many divorces/relationship break ups and if those people decide to look for a relationship they are more likely to know what they want.
Ever consider dating a single dad or someone from an older age group?
I considered dating women at one point, when I was trying to figure out what was actually important to me in a life partner.



I like how you added the “un/“ just to sound politically correct.

That’s old tho ha :p.


Lol, I would miss your quirks Boo if you ever left here, you could even say that I thought of you when I added 'conventional' for balance, :wink:

I would have just stuck with unconventionally if I thought it wouldn't have been picked up on. :lol:

Yup to many, late thirties is getting on, but we have plenty of youth left in our bodies and I aint taking that for granted.

We always have something to loose, and usually when we have 'plenty', its something we take for granted and never stop to appreciate it in the moment, never mind truly experience it.

Dont care what the world thinks of age, most folks dont have original thoughts about aging.



Amity
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27 Aug 2019, 3:32 am

Fnord wrote:
Amity wrote:
... by mid thirty or so many un/conventionally attractive men are already in relationships...
By their mid-thirties, it seems most single people (men and women) are either happily married or bitterly divorced. If you're willing to have a relationship at that age, then don't overlook those who are divorced. Just avoid the crazy ones and you'll do okay.

I think someone who has learned to grow (maybe bad events helped them to learn this the hard way) is a keeper, with them it doesn't matter what challenges come their way in a relationship. They will grow around the obstacle.

I agree that you need your red flag radar switched on, though I think no more so than with any other person. :D



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Aug 2019, 3:51 am

You've tried your best.



Amity
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27 Aug 2019, 4:08 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You've tried your best.

But... :lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Aug 2019, 5:56 am

Amity wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Amity wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
There just no men left. :shrug:

I agree, by mid thirty or so many un/conventionally attractive men are already in relationships.
Though I think it's fair to say that there are many divorces/relationship break ups and if those people decide to look for a relationship they are more likely to know what they want.
Ever consider dating a single dad or someone from an older age group?
I considered dating women at one point, when I was trying to figure out what was actually important to me in a life partner.



I like how you added the “un/“ just to sound politically correct.

That’s old tho ha :p.


Lol, I would miss your quirks Boo if you ever left here, you could even say that I thought of you when I added 'conventional' for balance, :wink:

I would have just stuck with unconventionally if I thought it wouldn't have been picked up on. :lol:

Yup to many, late thirties is getting on, but we have plenty of youth left in our bodies and I aint taking that for granted.

We always have something to loose, and usually when we have 'plenty', its something we take for granted and never stop to appreciate it in the moment, never mind truly experience it.

Dont care what the world thinks of age, most folks dont have original thoughts about aging.



This makes me feel that something really bad is gonna happen to me soon.



Amity
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27 Aug 2019, 6:10 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Amity wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Amity wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
There just no men left. :shrug:

I agree, by mid thirty or so many un/conventionally attractive men are already in relationships.
Though I think it's fair to say that there are many divorces/relationship break ups and if those people decide to look for a relationship they are more likely to know what they want.
Ever consider dating a single dad or someone from an older age group?
I considered dating women at one point, when I was trying to figure out what was actually important to me in a life partner.



I like how you added the “un/“ just to sound politically correct.

That’s old tho ha :p.


Lol, I would miss your quirks Boo if you ever left here, you could even say that I thought of you when I added 'conventional' for balance, :wink:

I would have just stuck with unconventionally if I thought it wouldn't have been picked up on. :lol:

Yup to many, late thirties is getting on, but we have plenty of youth left in our bodies and I aint taking that for granted.

We always have something to loose, and usually when we have 'plenty', its something we take for granted and never stop to appreciate it in the moment, never mind truly experience it.

Dont care what the world thinks of age, most folks dont have original thoughts about aging.

This makes me feel that something really bad is gonna happen to me soon.




It's entirely possible, for everyone. It could be me next (...again).
We get comfortable with our 'busy work' distractions, convinced that they are all that matters, then reality knocks our door...
It's happened to me too many times, that hideous curve ball of realism that smashes dreams, or delusions.
Life keeps teaching me a bitter lesson, I dont mean to cause worry, but I believe what I've learned is worth sharing.
Seize the day, break free, dont wait for tomorrow. The unknown gifts you posess now, might not be available by then.



sly279
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27 Aug 2019, 7:50 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Belated response - I think 'not needing a partner to be happy' really depends on the person, and it probably has a lot more to do with stable personality traits than just choosing to 'buck up'.

Here here


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