Have you ever been attracted to unattractive individuals?

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Teach51
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11 Oct 2019, 12:46 pm

No blame sweety, just amazement. You are absolutely right, men need to be told. I am an older woman, maybe we need to spread the word :) My younger lover keeps proudly sending me d...k pics, I keep telling him talk about how I make you feel instead, and..... I get more d..k pics. Can't win.


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Raphael F
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11 Oct 2019, 1:03 pm

Maybe he is showing you feelings he doesn't know how to put into words?

I can't be aroused by someone I don't personally adore. Their perceived "attractiveness" has very little to do with it.

So a male erection may mean more than you affect to think it means. But I suspect you in fact know that...

Although it still strikes me as a pretty unimaginative and uninspiring subject for a photograph. Are there no buses or trains where your lover lives? Or, if desperate, maybe even sunsets or butterflies or some tedious mundane stuff like that?

In some parts of the world there are huge great big mason-built mill chimneys (except for where Fred Dibnah has taken them down). I do quite like to take pictures of those. But that is absolutely definitely not Freudian in any conceivable way whatsoever. Obviously.


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Teach51
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11 Oct 2019, 2:47 pm

Raphael F wrote:
Maybe he is showing you feelings he doesn't know how to put into words?

I can't be aroused by someone I don't personally adore. Their perceived "attractiveness" has very little to do with it.

So a male erection may mean more than you affect to think it means. But I suspect you in fact know that...

Although it still strikes me as a pretty unimaginative and uninspiring subject for a photograph. Are there no buses or trains where your lover lives? Or, if desperate, maybe even sunsets or butterflies or some tedious mundane stuff like that?

In some parts of the world there are huge great big mason-built mill chimneys (except for where Fred Dibnah has taken them down). I do quite like to take pictures of those. But that is absolutely definitely not Freudian in any conceivable way whatsoever. Obviously.



Lol I'll introduce him to LS Lowry and Manchester mill chimneys. Or even better, a Leeds Corporation bus, that's some good erotica for you. What is it they say Raphael? Sometimes a chimney is just a chimney :D
Men really do have a thing about their chimneys.


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Raphael F
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11 Oct 2019, 3:28 pm

Yesss, that voluptuous two-tone green, and the sultry growling of the Gardner Diesel engine and the soft sibilance of the Daimler semi-automatic gearbox ... swaying round that freaky petrol station in the middle of the Eastgate roundabout ... oooh ... hang on, just let me go and change my Y-Fronts. Sorry. Couldn't help myself. You started it! Little tart...

Actually I'm really not at all proud of my genitalia. Never was, never have been, and almost certainly never will be (they are, frankly, a declining asset, now). Always thought them a bit of a nuisance and a curse, until at the age of 23 or so I met a nymphomaniac who was ready and willing and able to show me the plus side of possessing a penis.

So I don't think all men are actually necessarily proud of their junk. I've always been a bit perplexed by mine.

And I really think this is very pertinent to the question of "attractive" vs "unattractive" individuals. Take anyone's clothes off, and you're liable to reveal a sweaty smelly hairy area between the thighs that no-one with any taste would really choose to visit. It's only if you greatly like that person as a person that you'll even be willing to consider getting any closer.

Sex is icky and smelly and undignified and generally disgusting, and I almost agree with the hard-line Christians who want to ban it altogether, except (1) as a Jew I know that Christianity has no intellectual right to even exist and (2) as a human being I know that sex is the most amazing experience available to humankind, bar none, and attractiveness is so much in the eye of the beholder that it hardly warrants recognition as "a thing".

Find someone you like, and like him or her. If you like that person, he or she is by definition attractive. End of.


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Teach51
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11 Oct 2019, 4:35 pm

Raphael F wrote:
Yesss, that voluptuous two-tone green, and the sultry growling of the Gardner Diesel engine and the soft sibilance of the Daimler semi-automatic gearbox ... swaying round that freaky petrol station in the middle of the Eastgate roundabout ... oooh ... hang on, just let me go and change my Y-Fronts. Sorry. Couldn't help myself. You started it! Little tart...

Actually I'm really not at all proud of my genitalia. Never was, never have been, and almost certainly never will be (they are, frankly, a declining asset, now). Always thought them a bit of a nuisance and a curse, until at the age of 23 or so I met a nymphomaniac who was ready and willing and able to show me the plus side of possessing a penis.

So I don't think all men are actually necessarily proud of their junk. I've always been a bit perplexed by mine.

And I really think this is very pertinent to the question of "attractive" vs "unattractive" individuals. Take anyone's clothes off, and you're liable to reveal a sweaty smelly hairy area between the thighs that no-one with any taste would really choose to visit. It's only if you greatly like that person as a person that you'll even be willing to consider getting any closer.

Sex is icky and smelly and undignified and generally disgusting, and I almost agree with the hard-line Christians who want to ban it altogether, except (1) as a Jew I know that Christianity has no intellectual right to even exist and (2) as a human being I know that sex is the most amazing experience available to humankind, bar none, and attractiveness is so much in the eye of the beholder that it hardly warrants recognition as "a thing".

Find someone you like, and like him or her. If you like that person, he or she is by definition attractive. End of.



I suspect it's happy hour again :)


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Raphael F
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11 Oct 2019, 5:04 pm

Sarcasm will get you ... well, quite a long way from the Eastgate roundabout, apparently.

Tell me you don't remember the two-tone green Daimlers with the Gardner engines, and I'll tell you your memory for buses is less good than mine. And then you can tell me to tell you something we didn't both already know. And then we can probably amicably tell one another to bugger off.

Still. Attractiveness. So completely subjective, and so bizarrely in denial of how utterly revolting everybody actually turns out to be, when seen in utterly inGlorious Technicolor, the following morning. Everybody has a nice smile or nice legs or a nice arse or a nice chest or nice eyes or nice hair, or something. So there is hope for us all.

But if you don't fundamentally like that person, or feel a connection with that person, or get a buzz from that person, then the entire concept of attractiveness ceases to exist.

And you may well accuse me of being drunk, Teach51, and it is even conceivable you may be right, but I will still be saying the same thing in the morning when I'm sober, and maybe so will you, because I have a feeling you know what I mean.

Trying vaguely to stick to the original point of the OP. All individuals are unattractive. Brad Pitt. Mélanie Laurent. Bet they both smell equally bad at 6 a.m. Show me a close-up of his crotch or hers while I'm enjoying my lunch, I'll be equally ungrateful. I'll yell "YUCK" equally loudly. Which is odd, considering in general I go weak at the knees at the merest mention of Mélanie Laurent, whereas I only quite like Brad Pitt.


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cyberdad
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11 Oct 2019, 8:54 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Women actually respond more to cerebral stimulation such as verbal descriptions, intellect, humour.

Humour and confidence are as sexy and attractive as it gets.


Women may find these qualities "attractive" but social status/looks/income are what make a girl pay attention to a man.



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11 Oct 2019, 9:02 pm

Raphael F wrote:
(1) as a Jew I know that Christianity has no intellectual right to even exist and (2) as a human being I know that sex is the most amazing experience available to humankind, bar none, and attractiveness is so much in the eye of the beholder that it hardly warrants recognition as "a thing".


1) I always suspect Jews chuckle at how much the essene messianic cult spread into the goyim population :lol:

2) I see you are having dissonance over sex (kind of swinging between vaguely wanting and badly needing based on your earlier posts). Social programming is to conform to norms and society elevates sex because it's always been such a powerful social bonding incentive so became a great source of social manipulation. Helen of Troy wasn't of course the first sexual object that lead to the complete destruction of societies (in that case the Trojans).



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11 Oct 2019, 9:42 pm

Raphael F wrote:
...as a Jew I know that Christianity has no intellectual right to even exist...


I'm curious to hear you expand upon this. :nerdy:


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Raphael F
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12 Oct 2019, 12:58 am

Very naughty and foolish of me to even raise it, alcohol is not much of an excuse. Could seriously offend someone with an irrelevant quip like that. And it was way off topic vis-a-vis the OP. Apologies to the world.

I'd had a good day after a week of unpleasant depression. Always do get a bit carried away when a better day comes along at last...

Apologies again.


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Raphael F
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12 Oct 2019, 1:02 am

cyberdad wrote:
I see you are having dissonance over sex (kind of swinging between vaguely wanting and badly needing based on your earlier posts).
Yes but since I got past about 23 that seems to have been a usual, cyclical/tidal kind of thing. The only explanation that fits the ups & downs in my level of desire is to be found in astrology; and with regard to the original question, that's generally the only way of explaining why I'm attracted to people, whether as friends or as objects of desire.


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Raphael F
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12 Oct 2019, 7:06 am

cyberdad wrote:
1) I always suspect Jews chuckle at how much the essene messianic cult spread into the goyim population
Intriguing point but I think it will be a good idea for me to stay away from the subject of religion now for at least the next thousand years. I'm not a practising member of any religion so I have no right to upset those who are. I've been reading a fascinating book by Geza Vermes, that's maybe why it was on my mind.


cyberdad wrote:
2) I see you are having dissonance over sex (kind of swinging between vaguely wanting and badly needing).
Yes. You have just summed up the past twenty-odd years of my life. On the one hand my sex drive comes and goes in ways not explicable by reference to my current level of depression or anxiety, to my current financial situation, to the weather, or to the season: the moon seems to influence it somewhat, and other longer-term astrological stuff seems to have a powerful effect but of course I cannot defend that proposition scientifically.

On the other hand, getting back to the "attracted to unattractive individuals" thing, I have been so scarred by emotional shocks and disappointments between 1999 and 2011 that, realistically and in practice (as opposed to ogling movie stars or pop stars or whatever, that I'm never going to actually meet), only someone I really really thought I could trust and be safe with would now stand any chance of being attractive to me, and that person's physical attributes or age or status or even gender would be largely irrelevant: if it felt "right", I'd want to go to bed with that person. Only unusual people attract me (maybe that's just evolution telling me to be realistic...), so again their other ostensible attributes are less relevant. If every man in the room is agreeing how attractive Woman X is, I'll agree her face and body are flawless but she'll almost certainly leave me stone cold.


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13 Oct 2019, 7:20 pm

Everybody has their own definition of attractiveness. But as far as choosing a romantic partner goes, I am focused almost exclusively on whether they have the same interests as me.


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