Looks And Dating

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You and your boyfriend dig each other.

That’s all that matters.

Thanks Sweetleaf. I wasn't trying to criticise the OP or any contributors, but I've seen such sentiments before ^ and it seemed that this thread was possibly the same theme. I agree with XFG that most people are "average", and that the importance of looks is often overemphasised. I hope that if there are attractiveness scales, there are also "personality scales" and "we are compatible scales" used for couples who date.

Excellent point. When I was an eligible bachelor, I didn't know where I was on that scale, largely because I had been extremely unpopular in school and had even been told I was ugly. It's a real problem for a lot of people that they believe themselves either more or less attractive than they actually are, and it's hard to get an accurate assessment.

For both sexes, the most reliable approach is probably whether members of the opposite sex flirt with you. If it happens even occasionally, then at least some people think you are attractive. The problem here, for women at least, is that many women are convinced they are unattractive so they immediately distrust any guy who flirts with them, expecting the guy simply wants to use them, OTOH the ones who are convinced they are attractive will think any guy who hits on them is a loser, the end result being that everybody goes home alone.


Thanks for acknowledging this. That theme has unfortunately existed on other threads but this isn't one of them.

Can you know what’s inside a box if you are not willing to open it?

Obviously not - and I'm not denying for a second that your own level of general attractiveness (looks, status, personal charm, ambition, sense of humour, intelligence, personality, compatibility with a specific person and quite a few others can play a part in it) will influence or even determine the level of attractiveness of the people that will show enough interest in you to get to see what's inside that box.

My point was that it's not by far as black and white as some seem to think and I've seen plenty of people who "make up" for average or less than average looks in other ways (sure, people usually think it's money, but that comes with huge pitfalls too) and end up being highly sought after - especially as long term partners, not just as sexual partners or reproduction material.

Whoa....slow down boy, a lot of these stuff are inside the box. C'mon.

Not really - but I was always opposed to any kind of "cold approach". Sense of humour and personal charm are very obvious and most NTs can easily and quickly signal social status and inter-personal skills.

Good for them, but for me, those signals are huge red flags. They essentially mean "I'm completely incompatible with you".

Good for you and incidentally I was always interested in "outliers" too, but I was answering Boo's question.

Most women are above average looking.
At least in my state.
Why would they date average looking or ugly poor men especially in area where there’s tons of extras men then women?

When you have tons of good looking men who likely have all those to pick from why would you bother with the ugly ones?

No ones saying those aren’t considered or thst it’s looks alone, just thst women and men won’t even consider people who aren’t attractive to them, so for those unattractive people those other issues don’t even matter. I’ve meet women’s wants 99% but I’m not attractive so they don’t even consider me, why would they they can find a guy who also meets them but is attractive to them.
You have two apples, both will taste great, one looks like a pile of poop. Which would you pick? The good looking Apple or the one thst looks like poop? Both will taste great and meet your needs, bet you’d pick the good looking one. That’s why food pics are a big part of marketing. Got to make their tasty food look good. Looks is the first thing people notice, if you don’t make it past thst then nothing else matters.
There’s lots of tasty food most people don’t try cause it looks nasty. There’s also good looking food that tastes nasty. But people try it cause it looks good.
Goes for anything. That’s why consoles put a lot of work to make things look good, sometimes at cost of prefomance or overheating. Cause if your product looks like crap it won’t matter how great it is. Phones could be a bulky rectangle and work fine or even better, they wouldn’t sell well though. Phones are pieces of art, lot of work goes into their looks and having to make them look different better every few years. People got so upset when Apple kept the iPhone 6 design to the iPhone 8. That’s 6,6s,7,8
But the internals and screen got better every year, it looked same though, sales suffered. Humans are very look first. Our society would be better if we were all blind.
But no if a new iPhone came out thst looked different but was worse then last iPhone people wouldn’t buy it and women won’t date a guy who is gorgeous but doesn’t have the other qualities she wants. But as I said they won’t date a ugly guy who has the qualities, they won’t every even know said guy has the qualities they want as they won’t even consider him.
Just like a lot of good products people don’t even know about and go unnoticed.
If women won’t even talk to me or date me, they never see the qualities I have or our compatibility and shared interests.

Way more simple and excellent way of saying what I spent 20 mins saying

I hear you, Sly. I really do. My point is that it's the same for women who are less-than gorgeous or less-than perfectly shaped. Why would the good men (whether that means good looking or good personality or good job or all of these qualities), choose the less-aestheically ideal woman? Some woman feel the way you do. They feel disadvantaged by mass media marketing which shows ideal women with ideal figures, ideal skin, ideal pearly white teeth and an ideal sex drive. All genders feel equally insecure about these things. Granted, women have a little more social freedom to colour their hair or wear cosmetics to enhance their natural looks. I'll admit that is one difference which is more socially acceptable for women.

In your situation you claim there are far more men than women where you live. If that's true, then there is a true disadvantage and I see your point. Overall though, world-wide, where the demographic is more even, I think men and women and everyone in between has the same insecurities about the way they appear, physically.

The thing is Sly, you actually think you’re uglier than you actually are. You’re about average-looking. So am I.

I’ve seen plenty of average-looking people from the Pacific Northwest.

I absolutely agree with that, and that's the point I'm making. If you don't have the capacity to attract anyone, those other factors never get a chance to be explored, because people have already put you in the discard pile since they don't have any attraction towards you whatsoever. So effectively, your looks make up a large part of your dating problems.

But why do you think you don’t have that capacity?

I’ve seen your picture. I don’t see anything “wrong” with you. You seem like some bearded guy.

Some hippie-like woman will certainly dig you.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 14 Oct 2019, 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.