Anyone terrified of being alone for the rest of their life?

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Will I be crucified, for being a sexist pig, for suggesting this may be a woman thing?
If so, pretend I didn't say it.

Indeed, experience and age can make a difference. Then there are those that are on the spectrum that genuinely don't care about this kind of thing. They're fine by themselves and don't really care to interact with other people, much less have a partner. being that way certainly has advantages but it's not something that those that do have those desires can just will upon themselves to be like.

I'm glad meta-cognition works so well for you, I use it a lot myself. Because I do though, I also know that mental/rational understanding doesn't necessarily 'fix' a hurt emotional center. It's a good place to start, but there is a lot of work to be done in order to become cohesive.

Humans are imperfect whether they are NT or ND. So there is always going to be some manner of dysfunction. Meaning even if the ND ran the world, there would still be a boat load of dysfunction - just a bit different.


I'm not entirely sure what you would include within social indoctrination. In terms of just the general everyday social messages were given and taught as to what is normal or are you including trauma based situations? Abuse, neglect, abandonment etc. "I am scared of being alone" that comes from those kinds of things is a bit different than "I am scared of being alone" because of "I don't fit in/I'm different". Then of course if both are active it's an even heavier weight. But if you're including both, that's a bit like suggesting we all learn to be islands. Typically, but not always people need other people in some way.

I'm not against the idea of learning to decouple ones self worth from others approval. But a complete decoupling I don't think is something most can do. At least not without walling themselves up and off. We just need to be more choosy about whom we allow to affect our mental/emotional well being. <---but this also requires learning to value ourselves more

So yes, in terms of overcoming the fear/terror of being alone does have a substantial hinge on one's self worth regardless if someone is ND or NT, everyone should be learn to be able to be okay alone.

Getting over that terror doesn't necessarily mean someone is going to be happy about it. If someone has a dream of sharing their life with someone or having a family and despite their best efforts they are unable to make progress, being alone will always likely remain a difficult prospect.


I barely know you

For myself, there's things I like and there are things I don't. I think that's fairly normal though.


If your pretense for saying so is because of something like 'women are so emotional' then yes, it is indeed sexist.

Hush!

This was a joke.
I suspect you knew that.

^^^^^ Lololololzzzz ^^^^^^

Was that a Politically correct video ?

Maybe not "will upon themselves", but studies/surveys/research has identified a trend of well being, over a certain age.



You are only 33, so you have a ways to go.

Assumptions:
Negative internal dialogue exists.
Negative internal dialogue affects our emotions.

Consider:
Where did this negative conditioning come from?
How did it take root?
If negative programming is possible,
Can positive programming replace it?
Is it not axiomatic that it can?

Yes, it takes a lot of work.
That is not the same as an impossibility.

Not everyone engages in metacognition.
Those who do can reap the benefits of greater self-awareness more effectively, surely.

"There is a 20-year gaol sentence for disagreeing with a woman."
That sounds about right.

this reminds me, i've seen and heard discussions on this, when i've been told of stories of guys, men, reaching a certain age and never had a girlfriend before, and when they disclose that to the woman they are speaking to, the woman will often react by saying "why haven't you had a girlfriend?", or "i find it hard to believe that he's never had a girlfriend before"

I've seen women make posts like this on the internet when asking dating advice when discussing a potential dating prospect, like saying "should i pursue him if he's never had a girlfriend before?" or "why hasn't he had a girlfriend before"?

i get mad, enraged, when women make comments or express shock when they meet a certain guy and the guy has never had a girlfriend before.

Because it makes me want to say to those women "ya well, the game is different for men than it is for women", or "you don't know what the dating game or system is like for us guys, men".

Because is a brutal cold harsh reminder, that a guy can be handsome or good-looking or have a lot going for him, but his social-skills are below average or kinda awkward, or just not that much of a social person, that is obviously going to affect mens dating lives a lot more than the other way around.

Since guys are expected to do the heavy-lifting in social-interactions between men and women.

it is one of those things that in our culture goes without saying, it is a cultural conceit. few people can think outside of this box.

Not all autistic males are alone. I currently have an autistic male partner (in addition to being autistic myself).

But, yes, it's hard for most autistic people (especially for autistic heterosexual men, apparently, but also for many autistic women as well) to find partners.

Your chances are better if you can first get your life together on other fronts, e.g. if you can manage to get a decent-paying job. This is more difficult for autistic people too. Some of us can, some of us can't.

Only in the early phases of the relationship. Once a relationship is established, women are more likely to do most of the emotional labor.

I should also point out that the current social norm of expecting men be the only ones to take the initiative in establishing a heterosexual relationship is harmful to (hetero and bisexual) women as well as harmful to men. It can be extremely frustrating to feel that one is not allowed, at all, to approach a man that one is interested in, lest one be seen as a "slut" or otherwise a woman of low value.

But this problem could be fixable, IF enough people, both women and men, were to decide to get together and fix it. How would you feel about a "Sadie Hawkins club" in which everyone agrees that it's fine for women to take the initiative?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 26 Feb 2021, 7:44 am, edited 2 times in total.

Hear! Hear!

To the lonely heterosexual men here: Consider the above.

Just don't go PM'ing random women here on WP. Don't PM anyone here until after you've had plenty of interaction with them in multiple sub-forums.

Also it would be helpful to include your approximate location in your profile. To protect your privacy, don't be too specific about your location, but do at least say which country you are in, and, if it's a big country, say which state/province or major metropolitan area you are in.

yes but starting the relationship is still a major phase or significant step, a relationship can't happen or start if that phase doesn't occur, and there is still no denying the fact, that despite how modern human society has become or ow modern the world has become, it's still rare for a woman to make the first move or ask a guy out first, or be the one to initiate the relationship.

I PM no one; I just reply.

I may PM only guys to discuss some thread but I never initiate PM with women* here.

I did it maybe once only ages ago; with no ulterior motif (i live on the other side of the planet for fk sake); about something that has nothing to do with romance or sex.

and yet she thought I am interested; never again ever since.

Edit: I just remembered I did with one user recently, shared a youtube video - but she’s someone who pmed me few times before; but it’s all platonic, both ways.