You can't win arguments with women?

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There are women who lose sexual interest in their men because of a baby.

It’s a hard job taking care of a baby.

It’s hard on the man, too, because she doesn’t feel the same way she felt before about him. He becomes more a partner in child rearing sometimes than a lover. And, sometimes, he doesn’t do as well as she wants him to do in child rearing.

All this can lead to problems in romance. Many times, no one is at fault.

That’s a thing?

That’s the first I’ve heard of it.

This makes his situation even more unnerving - he could have an evil/manipulative person as a wife who doesn’t love him, and now this.

And I hope I’m wrong about that.

I hope he can reason with her through love - otherwise there isn’t any point to being married.




Great points.

Hopefully counseling and herbal remedies would help with her mood and chemical imbalances.

Makes sense - giving birth does a lot to the organs around it which are used in sex...

And also: if the woman isn't having sex, she can't get pregnant. 'Nature's birth control' as it were. It's harder to get pregnant while breastfeeding, too.

Ah, that’s true - but I thought he was talking about a situation where she was permanently turned off to him.

My own experience - not permanently but as long as the baby is small, with all the nights not slept and the baby keeping your attention day and night, there was little room for sex in my mind.
Once our children got bigger, the fun is back there.

Typically, if the Chinese culture is anything like the culture where I live (and yes I do notice they're very similar) - they would prefer to die in a bad marriage rather than "losing face" in front of strangers, let alone in front of friends.

Hence why "marriage counselling" is something unheard of in many eastern cultures.

^ Valid point.
Here, it differs a world between the generation of my parents and mine.
Though, church is a place where such things traditionally could be tackled.

Sometimes, the "lost interest" is permanent.

Other times, the interest is restored.

It ain't good while there's "lost interest," though.

I wondered if that might be the case.. and if so, Retro could use it to his advantage. Not to turn the tables and be a manipulative jerk back to her, but if He knows that She Wants him to stay with her Because if he leaves then it will "bring great shame upon her & her family," (as per stereotypical Asian movies) and cause her mother/father to lose respect for her to such a degree that she just "CAN'T," allow her relationship to fall apart, then Retro has leverage. Big time.

He can say "Look, you want this to work and for us to stay together? Then You Also have to work on this relationship. We're going to register for couples counselling and you're coming with me, and then we're going to follow their advice and work on things until this is an arrangement that works for both of us. If you're unwilling to do that, then I have to make a change and leave, and you will have to deal with your family." Something like that. Now the ball is in her court and she can either change her tune and play nicely (which could be a win-win) Or f**k around and find out. Either way could be better for Retro.

It still happens, i recently heard it happening to someone's ex. They didn't think it would so fast after birth but it did.

That's a major red flag for me.

TBH I think the whole "silent treatment" tactic is pretty childish, too. Especially when you're supposed to be working together to look after your baby.

Sometimes with an arguement you need time to cool down before trying to discuss it more reasonably, that's fair enough. But dragging things out in order to create more misery than is necessary is a very unattractive trait to me.

Collective cultures generally frown on divorce and the community generally puts pressure on the couple to think of the children first.

Getting back to the subject at hand, about whether is possible to win an argument with Ms. Always Right...This saying is probably based on a misconception that men are all logic while women are all emotions...It is true that men and women were purposely created different in order to complement one another...When the couple uses their different strengths to fortify their marriage, they will sow great rewards in the form of peace, tranquility and happiness in their relationship...

However, for the couple to reach such level of mutual understanding and unity, it will take tremendous time, effort and love from both parts...Otherwise, the many marital problems due to misunderstandings will persist and ultimately destroy the marriage...And if we add other factors involved such as language barriers; neuro-diversity; stubbornness; etc, how much greater are the challenges and the possibility of heartache and brake-up...

Being married to my beloved (Aspie) husband, i can attest to the above-mentioned communication difficulties...After only two years of marriage, my beloved husband and i have had a zillion misunderstandings:cry:...We are both worn-out physically, mentally, and emotionally, but our determination to salvage our marriage remains strong as well as our love for each other...

We both seem to speak two different languages due to our neuro-diversity...Because my husband tends to focus all his attention to his employment, and because he has shown no interest in seeking some form of ASD therapy to help with his communication deficiencies, I have taken the initiative to seek the help of an 'interpreter'; that is, a marital counselor who specializes in ASD...Sadly, Mark Hutten has a long waiting list...My goal is to learn to understand the ASD language to minimize misunderstandings in my marriage...I am convinced that if at least one partner learns the other's language, the overall communication will improve...

As to the OP here, the fact that after so-o-o much arguing, he humbly acknowledges that he was unaware what was the topic of the discussion--choosing the right school for the baby--shows how much this couple needs a marital counselor who specializes in ASD...As an NT, I know first-hand the desperation of trying to get my point across without success to my beloved husband...And yes, i am guilty as charged as i, too, in a moment of desperation, have mentioned separation as a possible solution to end the heartache for both of us...Not with the intent to manipulate but with the intent to find relief from the quarrels and seek peace with each other...Thankfully, my husband seems to understand, because i have made it clear, that separation is not my true desire...In my case, i assure you all it is not a form of manipulation but an act of desperation...

Still, with every "battle" my husband has learned a lot about me, and i have learned a lot about him...So all of our suffering has not been in vain...We have come long ways...And as we continue to strive, we move forward with renewed HOPE of better times...

And wtf? She has money so threatens to leave then when you wanna leave she persuades you not to? This is all BS manipulation nonsense.

1) So what she has money? Sure, she could support herself.. but if she has more money than you guess what happens when you split ? Half of it is yours. She likely knows this and that's part of why she doesn't want you to leave. Suggesting she could afford to leave is just her manipulating you to do whatever she wants.

2) She doesn't want to split up. Clearly. Or she'd have left/let you leave when you tried. She wants to stay together, for the baby, for her reputation with her family, possibly for you and your relationship and so on.


IMO, if you want to stay, start leveraging these facts and tell her the way forward for your relationship is for the two of you to get some counselling together and work on yourselves and your relationship. IF that's what you want.

As an NT married to my beloved (Aspie) husband , i am following this thread very closely...And it really saddens me that--with a very few exceptions--the great majority here are imposing ill-intentions on a struggling wife and new mother...I remind you that she is not here to clarify, to defend her stand, nor herself from being severely judged by you...

With all due respect, to all of you well-intended members on the spectrum who opiniated above from your strictly logical perspective, i remind you that there are FEELINGS involved here...These are two people who LOVE each other, and are now responsible for the wellbeing of an innocent baby who is entirely dependant on them...So instead of promoting an adversary stand, i suggest a reconciliatory position...Not only for the benefit of the child but also for the happiness of the struggling couple...

ASD is characterised by real communication deficiencies...This leads me to suspect that both parties--not just the female--share some responsibility for this communication issues...Thank you in advance for considering a more balanced perspective...