Can anti-age gap people afford to be so picky in dating?

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Some people probably woulda thought that I was grooming both my exes due to my 1st being 15 when I was 20 & my 2nd being 19 when I was 28 but I'm extremely protective of my romantic partners. My 1st had issues with drugs & alcohol & was trying to quit when we became friends. Part of the reason I got in that relationship with her was because she seemed happier having me for support. She slipped up after a while thou & my grip on sanity & reality slipped partlly due to worrying about her. I'm not blaming her nowadays. It was majorly due to my crummy homelife situation & adjusting to trying to become a more independent adult. I was straight_edge for about 10 years after that relationship ended cuz it was a lot easier for me to blame the drugs & alcohol than myself for how I handled things. Now I'm a hypocrite cuz I'm on a lot of meds including 4 psych 1s & I also drink ocasionally & very rarely eat a couple THC gummies to relax. I NEVER gotten into any trouble with that but the person I am now probably coulda made our relationship work & she would not of ended up in the hospital for drinking waaay too much after we broke up

A relationship between a 15 year old and a 20 year old is not legal. I hope you never had sex. It sounds like she was a rebellious teenager who was in need of parenting and therapy, not an older boyfriend. I should hope that you didn’t “blame her” for how things went.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 03 Sep 2022, 6:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

The only person I ever had sex with is my current girlfriend. A relationship is legal but sex may or may not be depending on the state. The age of consent in some states is 15 or at least it was back then thou in our states(mine Louisiana & her's Texas) it was 16. Those age gap realtionships are not uncommon where I'm from even thou sex is techincally illegal. For example my neighbor was 14 & having sex with a 21 year-old guy who was giving her drugs & alcohol & the cops wouldn't do anything about it even thou her grandparents tried to get them to. She actually made a move on me online shortly after me & my 1st gf broke up. I turned my neighbor down cuz I wanted a real realationship with someone who didn't have drug or alcohol problems.

I can’t speak for back then, but it’s not legal now. The age of consent in both states is 17. Both states have 3 year Romeo and Juliet laws.

https://www.ageofconsent.net/states

That story about your neighbor is very sad. It’s also really sad that statutory rape is not uncommon in your area.

I might be misremering. It was 20 years ago & I haven't researched since then, no need to. I did not break that law & I talked to my psychiatrist about the relationship during my 1st appointment then & I had no trouble.

I don't know why something like that would be seen differently in Canada, but worldwide, I think there is way more acceptance of such relationships where the woman is older. Consider the President of France who is 25 years younger than his wife. That hasn't stopped him from getting votes. Also when it comes to celebrities, it seems every female celebrity 40 or older is involved with a younger guy (I won't try to provide a list of examples but you should be able to think of some). OTOH Alec Baldwin gets a LOT of flak for being married to a much younger woman (notwithstanding I am no fan of his). It's usually the man who is thought immature in this situation. The older a man's love interests, the more mature he is seen as being. Women OTOH are thought to mature rapidly beginning at an early age due to the demands society puts on them, so it doesn't become an issue in their case (or is this not the case in CON countries?).

I personally have a bad impression of relationships of men who are significantly younger than their spouses. It's my impression that the guy is attracted to the woman when he's young and doesn't think long term, but the woman will make him feel obligated to commit. But as time goes on, the man isn't happy and problems arise. My mother's mother was 2 years older than her husband. Their marriage ended when her younger sister seduced my grandfather. Then she married a guy 10 years younger but he died in a year (not sure what to conclude from that but it's interesting). My father was 8.5 years younger than my mother. He did cheat on her once — the marriage survived but of course it was never the same, although once he developed dementia it probably didn't matter so much. I am around age 70 and my wife is 65. When my father was my age, he was married to a 78-year-old. That shouldn't matter to me but it does. I'm sorry! Where I worked in the 90s, there were two fortyish men who were both married to women 10 years older and they both would hit on the young female employees, even to the point of inappropriate touching. The more self-disciplined one went on couples retreats with his wife to help strengthen their marriage. In 37 years, my marriage to a woman 4.5 years younger has never needed "strengthening" although we have faced many many challenges.

That's my point of view anyway.

I don't usually have a problem with age gaps either way as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.

When I was 17, a guy who was in his mid-20s kept on telling me that he couldn't wait until I turned 18. I found that a little creepy to be honest. He ended up being decidedly creepy.

Another problematic situation occurs when younger people scam lonely old people to get to their money.

As a teacher, if I heard of such a situation now, I would be making a report to CPS.

There's a bit of shows on the ID Channel/Investigation Discovery with this murder plot. Kinda makes me glad to be broke & also makes me disgusted with people.

I understand My current girlfriend's mom got married when she was 16 & my gf's dad was in his early 20s at the time. Times have probably changed alot since then & even since I was 20. If I was single today I would not consider a relationship with someone that young. I'm not the same person I was when I was 20 & I do NOT want to go back to that.

Either you believe adults should be free to make their own decisions, or you don't.

My partner and I have a significant age difference. We also have a lot in common and are very compatible. We've been together for over 3 years.

Anyone who can't respect that does not have my respect.

Well people I know always told me that maybe one day I will meet a woman who is autistic like me, and maybe we will do very well in a relationship because of that.

Now I met a woman in which the relationship is going pretty well so far. But now that I have finally found someone also autistic, like they suggested to me to, are all now taking it back because she is 16 years younger than me.

It feels like a case, of people believing, you should have your cake, if you can eat it too, if that makes sense?

Ignore them. 16 years is less than our age difference.

Finding a person who is really good for you is too rare to let age or anything else stand in the way.

It's impossible to please everyone all the time. Plus in my experience, being on the spectrum can cause me to get mixed conflicting messages from others. For example people often said I was too quiet & needed to talk more, yet when I would talk they would tune me out or I'd be in trouble for being rude. You cant win for losing sometimes so to speak so I quit caring about trying to please others a long time ago. I care about my girlfriend's happiness of corse & try my best but she really cares about my happiness as well. I try to consider the source for any advice I get & if the people that have a problem with your age difference don't really understand you or don't seem to majorly care about you(IDK anything about their other behavior) then I would try not to worry about their opinions which I know sometimes can be a lot easier said than done. What's important is that the both of you think the relationship is going well.

Sometimes it amazes me that sometimes , two different humans can even get together theses days .

Okay thanks. Well I'm going to meet my gfs parents soon for the first time, and am preparing for a somewhat negative reaction as well.

It feels like that movie Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, but nowadays it's much easier for parents to accept an interracial relationship of course, but I guess age gap dating today, has become what interracial dating was in the 60s, in terms of controversy perhaps.

I've gone 10 years older than me and 15 years younger, strangely the biggest issue for me has been that with gaps that large we don't get each other's references.