Most young men are single. Most young women are not.

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25 Jun 2023, 1:31 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

If you scroll through the history of L&D, you’ll see that various threads have been locked due to posters claiming that a specific group of people has it easier when it comes to dating.

Most often, such threads tend to claim that women have it easier which is invalidating to the women who struggle with dating and relationships on WP. That’s why it’s not allowed.

Most of the time when a thread gets closed because people "said" women have it easier, no one ever really said women have it easier. They merely had words put in their mouth because they had the *audacity* to point out one aspect of dating where women tend to struggle less. No different than how you pointed out an aspect where men tend to struggle less (physical safety concerns with a partner).

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25 Jun 2023, 1:37 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

I typically see something different: such threads usually degenerate into why women (or men) supposedly have it easier as a whole. That’s why such topics aren’t allowed.

If you have concerns about threads being locked, you could talk to moderators about it.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 25 Jun 2023, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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25 Jun 2023, 1:38 pm

Fairfield wrote:

SkinnyElephant wrote:

When you say safety tends to be a bigger concern for women because women tend to be smaller, couldn't some construe your statement as "claiming the men have it easier"?

I totally agree with you (Women tend to be smaller, thus have more safety concerns when it comes to dating). It's a fact each gender (on average) has certain things that work against them; each gender (on average) has certain things that work in their favor (when it comes to dating).

I'm mainly highlighting your post to show what a slippery slope it is to discourage us from discussing how dating tends to affect each gender differently. I don't see anything wrong with your post. But if we go by the book, some might say your post technically isn't permitted.

I honestly think this "men don't have to really care about safety" thing to be a form of the "one gender has is easier" thing, and I think some of the things here are appalling. Maybe older men don't have to worry about their safety or never had to, but men my age are very aware that they're not invincible, especially gay men and even some straight men. This is just a really odd hill to die on and I don't like it.

Men have safety concerns too, no doubt. However, we tend to fear for our safety with a partner way less than women do. I say this as a man who has always weighed below 150.

I don't see anything wrong with pointing out the fact women fear for their safety more (in the context of dating). Because it's true. Which isn't to say no men fear for their safety with a partner.

Just like when people on here have pointed out the societal expectation for the man to make the first move, they're not saying a woman never makes the first move. All they're saying is, while it is becoming more socially acceptable for a woman to make the first move, the man is still the one making the first move most the time.

The "first move" thing is the topic where I most often see people on here get falsely accused of saying "women have it easier."

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25 Jun 2023, 1:41 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Fairfield wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

I'm pretty sure threads saying "men have it easier" are also not supposed to be allowed. The rule isn't to just protect women, and no one should be an invalidating as*hole to anyone on here no matter their gender, especially when it f*****g comes to safety concerns.

I don’t think I ever claimed otherwise. I was just pointing out the reason for and history of this guideline on WP.

Straight men do not typically worry about date rape when they are on dates with straight women. It’s a major concern for women who date men. I’ve lived it. That’s all I am saying.

Obviously, there are other safety issues, though, and for diverse groups of people. No one here meant to be invalidating. That’s the truth.

Right. While some men have been date raped, date rape is a much bigger concern for women. I see nothing wrong with pointing this out.

All I'm saying is I also see nothing wrong with pointing out the fact certain other areas are more of a concern for men on average.

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25 Jun 2023, 1:47 pm

^ The problem is that, historically on WP, those conversations always degenerate into: women have it easier. It finally got to the point where those conversations were no longer allowed because of it.

Talking about safety is not saying that men have it easier by the way. If women are less likely to engage in casual dating or are more cautious due to safety concerns or vice versa, it affects everyone.

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25 Jun 2023, 1:52 pm

No one has invalidated anyone in these past few comments. Statistically speaking a cis woman is more at risk in terms of physical safety when dating a cis man. The safety concern isn't just about potential SA or size differences but the fact women can become pregnant. That's a safety / medical and mental health issue of its own even though it would also be a problem for the father of that child. What I just wrote would also apply to transmen who could become pregnant or experience gender-based violence. Same with transwomen, minus the personal pregnancy risk.

I don't believe anyone in this thread is suggesting dating is easier or harder for any specific gender. That was never the topic. Afaik, the topic of women's safety wasn't raised to suggest dating is harder for women or even to suggest women are always smaller than men. It seems the comment was made to show support and understanding for women (people with v's), in that one specific aspect of dating. I respect and appreciate that because according to crime stats it's true.

As for dating (big picture), it's all relative and no one has it easier across the board. We all know dating presents challenges to everyone in different ways, especially if we're on the spectrum. Think of it like a spiky profile. Each of us might have individual strengths and weaknesses at play regardless of our gender. Safety is one variable and I don't believe it was meant to be presented as "the only variable". There are concerns for LGBTQ+ people, autistic people, people with PTSD, people with physical and / or mental health problems, and all the intersectional groups involved. As individuals we have our own issues which make us different yet again from other people in our "groups", because of our individual personalities. The toxic masculinity crap makes it harder still for men, but men also have physical or emotional safety concerns in some dating settings (especially gay dating, trans, or meeting psycho women -- which does occur).

I think it's safe to say no one was attacking anyone in this exchange and we all respect the challenges of all other groups.

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25 Jun 2023, 1:57 pm

Wow! I didn't realise my comments would cause such a backlash.

I'll tell you what, if you want I will make my next post wildly inappropriate, so you can report it and I can be swiftly dispatched.

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TwilightPrincess
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25 Jun 2023, 2:03 pm

Recidivist wrote:

Wow! I didn't realise my comments would cause such a backlash.

I'll tell you what, if you want I will make my next post wildly inappropriate, so you can report it and I can be swiftly dispatched.

I don’t think anyone wants that.

We could find something else to argue about.

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25 Jun 2023, 2:32 pm

Recidivist wrote:

Wow! I didn't realise my comments would cause such a backlash.

I'll tell you what, if you want I will make my next post wildly inappropriate, so you can report it and I can be swiftly dispatched.

There shouldn't be a backlash imo. We're all speaking based on our personal life experience and things we've witnessed as well as our own personal triggers. You're sensitive about violence against women because of things you've experienced. That doesn't mean you don't acknowledge the possibility of violence against men, or the gay / trans people. I also noticed that the comment was pertaining to "worry about safety" rather than actually being assaulted. I think it's very fair to say that in general, worldwide, including all ethnocultural groups and social or gender identities, women do "worry" about it more than men do, whether their safety ends up being compromised or not. It's engrained in girls and women from a young age to worry about it. That's just a sad reality. That doesn't mean men don't worry about it ever, but you didn't say that so imo you've said nothing wrong.

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25 Jun 2023, 11:07 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:

Lets just say species come and species go.

Maybe some ratio of non-gross men, and women who are attracted to men, are left over and they repopulate the world. It might happen or, if there's some kind of conservation principle where only the top 10 - 20% of any genetic stock are attractive, then we probably go extinct.

There is the whole 'artificial wombs' technology coming up but that only partially solves the problem when egg extraction, from my understanding, is quite a painful process and the woman undergoing it is usually trying to preplan / prescreen genetic selection with her husband or partner (also relatively new technology). Maybe they donate out the eggs they don't carry to term but I still don't see that quantity or quality creating a vibrant market where sperm donation and egg donation joined somehow save population numbers. If the whole hope is that it could save us from Handmaiden's Tale vs. extinction probably not, instead it just turns Handmaidens Tale into a surgical Handmaidens Tale unless we learn to make artificial eggs too that are somehow equally or more robust than the real thing.

It's a serious topic of conversation even without these numbers because men have to pursue excellence at turning nature into landfill and be more exceptional at it than their competition (or be breeding among the criminal underclass) to impress the opposite sex, so if we want to not strip the planet bare and die with it we probably want to figure out some way around 'the old fashion way' for procreating the species - perhaps even better if the resulting babies are so genetically engineered that the particular sperm or egg are so different from the parents that there's no feeling of ownership or extension of self remaining thus no jealous feelings of life-extension when the baby's radically not you rather than half you.

Not only that, men’s sperm count declined by 50% https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/11/18/heal ... index.html in past of 50 years.

Prediction: Someone will accuse me of implying that eggs have it easier. :lol:

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25 Jun 2023, 11:47 pm

^ I heard somewhere that releasing sperm is much more fun than releasing eggs, but don't quote me on this. :lol:

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25 Jun 2023, 11:49 pm

Honey69 wrote:

Most young men are single. Most young women are not.

[opinion=mine]

Some of this may have to do with the different definitions of 'Single' used by men and women.

• Men tend to call themselves 'Single' only if they are not married.

• Women tend to call themselves 'Single' if they are not in any sort of committed relationship.

Thus, fewer women than men will clam to be 'Single', even if they are not married.

[/opinion]

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Last edited by Fnord on 25 Jun 2023, 11:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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25 Jun 2023, 11:50 pm

^ Good point.

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26 Jun 2023, 3:52 am

Researchers would surely set the definitions of what constitutes single vs not-single before doing the study.

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26 Jun 2023, 3:59 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Researchers would surely set the definitions of what constitutes single vs not-single before doing the study.

One should hope so; but even then, who would care what the 'official' definition might be?

To expand on the concept I presented earlier, I have heard men claim having sex with someone other than their girlfriends is not cheating because they are not married to their girlfriends. I have also heard women claim that their boyfriends cheated on them after they had broken up.

:roll:

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26 Jun 2023, 8:00 am

^ We were on a break. :lol:

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