Hiding diagnosis from NT girls

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FrostBender
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01 Jun 2024, 9:00 am

I don’t accept myself.

TwilightPrincess
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01 Jun 2024, 9:02 am

FrostBender wrote:

I don’t accept myself.

That might be something to work on before you start dating people/trying to have a relationship.

FrostBender
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01 Jun 2024, 9:08 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

I don’t accept myself.

That might be something to work on before you start dating people/trying to have a relationship.

I’d rather lie and mask

Sweetleaf
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01 Jun 2024, 9:09 am

blitzkrieg wrote:

Cornflake wrote:

^ But lying about yourself from the get-go is no basis on which to start a relationship.

I was thinking the same.

Although unfortunately, a lot of people have unconscious bias toward autistic people and might screen out an autistic person with regards to dating, that they might otherwise like if they had spent some time with them.

It's the same with employment. Telling an employer you are autistic up front seems to significantly reduce a persons chance of being hired, which is why some people choose to disclose their diagnosis after they have been set on for a job etc.

That is why I didn't tell my boyfriend till we got a bit more serious and so I knew he really liked me, I was still nervous as I didn't know if he'd just do a 180 and call me a ret*d and break it off or something(I have anxiety and sometimes worry about the worst possible but least likely outcome of things).

As for employment, I did not mention my autism at the current one...and seems the coworkers are rather toxic , so in that case I am glad I did not disclose it. Wheras one job I applied for, haven't heard back so who knows if they found someone else already. But on the application it mentioned they try to hire an amount of disabled people, so when asked if I had a disability I said yes because seems like it wouldn't be seen as a reason not to hire me. So with jobs its sort of a mixed bag if you want to disclose it initially or wait to see if it feels safe to do so.
*hmmm the r word gets bleeped...probably for the best, but people always called me that when I was a kid so I think as a defense mechanism I became desensitized to that word.

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TwilightPrincess
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01 Jun 2024, 9:13 am

I’m always upfront about my autism to people I’m interested in dating. I wouldn’t want to date someone who wouldn’t date me because of it. We all have different takes on it though.

Sweetleaf
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01 Jun 2024, 9:17 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

I don’t accept myself.

That might be something to work on before you start dating people/trying to have a relationship.

True, I would say you don't have to be 100% sure of everything, but if you can't accept yourself at all then no one else will be able to. I kind of learned that the hard way, like for a time I thought I was just a crap person, I was acting quite self destructively...like no one would have wanted a relationship with me at that time and if they did it wouldn't last as no one can maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't even care about them-self. Like even my siblings were getting bothered by my behavior. I did have untreated PTSD so that does have a lot to do with it, but I have since gotten some therapy for that.

LIke, even a little bit of self acceptance can go a long way.

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FrostBender
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01 Jun 2024, 9:21 am

I don’t even want to date a girl who is ND.

babybird
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01 Jun 2024, 9:22 am

My only concern with this is if there are any mental health issues that have arisen because of trauma because of autism

In a long term relationship this might be more difficult to mask

Otherwise you could probably get away with not disclosing but things like ptsd bpd bipolar and things like that would be more difficult to explain away and could completely ruin a relationship

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Sweetleaf
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01 Jun 2024, 9:24 am

FrostBender wrote:

I don’t even want to date a girl who is ND.

Why not?

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FrostBender
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01 Jun 2024, 9:24 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

FrostBender wrote:

I don’t even want to date a girl who is ND.

Why?

Because I want to pass as NT.

TwilightPrincess
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01 Jun 2024, 9:26 am

Have you tried therapy?

Having internalized prejudice of any sort is a lousy way to go through life.

babybird
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01 Jun 2024, 9:28 am

I pass as NT but a really f****d in the head one

Whereas my daughter who has HFA is quite open about her diagnosis and she gets on really well in the world

It's one of them really innit

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FrostBender
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01 Jun 2024, 9:28 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Have you tried therapy?

Having internalized prejudice of any sort is a lousy way to go through life.

Not paying to go see a therapist. I believe therapy is for the weak

babybird
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01 Jun 2024, 9:29 am

:lol:

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FrostBender
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01 Jun 2024, 9:29 am

I will lie and act the rest of my life. No matter the cost

TwilightPrincess
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01 Jun 2024, 9:30 am

FrostBender wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Have you tried therapy?

Having internalized prejudice of any sort is a lousy way to go through life.

Not paying to go see a therapist. I believe therapy is for the weak

You seem to have a lot of erroneous beliefs. Seeking help when you need help is a sign of strength and resiliency.

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