What are your behaviors when you like someone?

Page 4 of 4 [ 62 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

calandale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,439

12 Sep 2007, 10:08 pm

Bightme wrote:
The more I'm attracted to someone, the harder I find it to talk to them and maintain eye contact. So generally I pretty much avoid them..


QFT



myeyesseekreality
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 112

13 Sep 2007, 2:04 pm

I look at them, then look away alot. Have pictures of what if's running through my head. Try to think of something to say that wont be so blunt that I scare them off. If I do get the nerve I start to have a shutdown, and turn into Raymond Babbit without Wapner, or in the 1 out of 100 times I get it right I screw it up 2 out of 5 times by either being to Aspie, or not knowing when to call them. If I don't know when to call them I end up not calling them because I can't. I'm a mess :(



calandale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,439

13 Sep 2007, 3:48 pm

Looking, and looking away is the fundament of
my flirting style. Often brings them to me. After
that, I'm usually at a loss.

Though, I used to do the looking surreptitiously.
Now, I try and get caught. Looking away seems
to convey either not being quite so fascinated, or
not being a complete perv (it also shows shyness,
which leads them to approach). Getting caught AGAIN
indicates that you ARE interested, and is usually when the
decision is made.



DejaQ
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,719
Location: The Silver Devastation

13 Sep 2007, 4:41 pm

When I pass someone I like, I generally hold what I'm carrying close to my body, and do my best to only get a quick glance. Whenever I'm really close, I try to avoid looking or talking directly at that person. In the event that someone I like tries to talk to me, I'm very short on words and don't know how to carry the conversation further. I occasionally look at their MySpace profiles, and that's the closest I've come to stalking.

One time I got up the nerve to leave a note for someone I liked during class. When class ended, I got out of there as quickly as I could.


_________________
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.


Bightme
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 197

13 Sep 2007, 5:57 pm

DejaQ wrote:
When I pass someone I like, I generally hold what I'm carrying close to my body, and do my best to only get a quick glance. Whenever I'm really close, I try to avoid looking or talking directly at that person. In the event that someone I like tries to talk to me, I'm very short on words and don't know how to carry the conversation further. I occasionally look at their MySpace profiles, and that's the closest I've come to stalking.


Ha, sounds familiar. :lol:

I have this thing where I try to catch them looking at me, for example I'm looking in their direction, but I'm pretending to stare at something else close by, only to flick my eyes over to them when i think they're looking at me. Man.. I'm weird.



techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,693
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

13 Sep 2007, 8:58 pm

If I like someone, I think my behavior comes off as boundary chiseling. Its kinda like I'll be looking or at least sending vibes in her direction like I want to talk. If I get the same back I will talk and if that takes leading the conversation for a minute I will. The nice thing is I can read nonverbals across the room, and especially if someone seems like they're my type or the type who would like me its pretty easy to notice when they're aware of that themselves and of me.

The only thing that sucks - I can innitiate the conversation but, unfortunately for just being as weird as I am, its like I can't usually keep it going. Either they get the impression that I'm not fully interested, I'm just slightly keeping the conversations in certain constraints or taking subtle directions with it that have them scratching their head because it doesn't jive with the NT mating dance (its an honest 'lets talk, have fun, and get to know eachother a little' type thing).

Almost always in the end if its mutual attraction I can usually start feeling it fall apart when if they're flirting with me I'll just it like they're eyes themselves are asking me "Will you take me places? Will you be romantic and dashing? Will you outdo my last boyfriend on treating me like a princess?" - my answer to that internally is; Geez, for me to really do that I have to feel right with it, feel natural with it, and be feeling you that much - that'll take a lot more time than you're giving me. The other thing of course, the more obvious aspie bit, either I'm feeling hostile undertones that she almost seems unaware of but I know would trigger badly in time or - the usual aspie plight, they slowly get colder and just walk off (most of the time anymore with that last group I have them pretty well filtered out).



spirited
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 14 Dec 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 140

14 Sep 2007, 2:36 pm

Bightme wrote:
DejaQ wrote:
When I pass someone I like, I generally hold what I'm carrying close to my body, and do my best to only get a quick glance. Whenever I'm really close, I try to avoid looking or talking directly at that person. In the event that someone I like tries to talk to me, I'm very short on words and don't know how to carry the conversation further. I occasionally look at their MySpace profiles, and that's the closest I've come to stalking.


Ha, sounds familiar. :lol:

I have this thing where I try to catch them looking at me, for example I'm looking in their direction, but I'm pretending to stare at something else close by, only to flick my eyes over to them when i think they're looking at me. Man.. I'm weird.

I should probebly say, if I saw a man doing that around me, I would read that body language as that You didn't like me, you were afraid i was going to steal your stuff, pick your pockets, or whaever. I would not pick up that you liked me at all. Pulling your arms into your body is a sign of being threatened, or someone is crossing your boundries. If you smiled, loosened up, maybe stretched out your arms a little, I would read that as welcoming.



DejaQ
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,719
Location: The Silver Devastation

14 Sep 2007, 6:59 pm

spirited wrote:
I should probebly say, if I saw a man doing that around me, I would read that body language as that You didn't like me, you were afraid i was going to steal your stuff, pick your pockets, or whaever. I would not pick up that you liked me at all. Pulling your arms into your body is a sign of being threatened, or someone is crossing your boundries. If you smiled, loosened up, maybe stretched out your arms a little, I would read that as welcoming.


I can't help it. When I think about someone I like, I feel the need to hold something close, as though to prevent my vital organs from spilling out. I'm afraid of smiling because, well, I act a bit odd at times, and I think I'm going to convince them that I'm a creep.


_________________
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.


AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 76,406
Location: Portland, Oregon

14 Sep 2007, 7:11 pm

I get real nervous when eye contact is made so I blush & look away.
Unfortunately, in my Chemistry class, I am seated next to a group of girls who try to talk to me, knowing of my AS.
AS Dude VS Punk Girls
Does anyone have any advice?


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


dasanbe
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 92

15 Sep 2007, 2:28 pm

I never have to ask out women. They always ask me out. Omg, I wish this were true.

I've always asked out women. I have a 95% success rate of them saying yes to me when I ask them out.



OMGpenguin
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 172

15 Sep 2007, 8:29 pm

Well... assuming they understand me, I understand them, and I even have the motivation to pursue them...

that's when the terror usually sets in.



MrSinister
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,560
Location: England

16 Sep 2007, 6:40 am

spirited wrote:
THe common theme seems to be fear, or bashfulness. Is it that you don't know what to say? That you might feel socially inept, or stupid? Are you afraid of the person saying no? OR what the person might think?


Definitely the last one. When I told the last girl I had/have feelings for that I liked her (in a dreadfully sheepish fashion), I was horribly afraid that she'd leg it out of the restaurant we were in, leaving me alone to pick up the bill, or that she'd laugh at me scornfully, or that she'd choke on her food in utter disgust. Fortunately, she'd picked up that I liked her about a year beforehand (subtlety is not my forte, it seems), and was still cool with us being friends. Hell, she'd asked me to a concert with her, which was why we were eating in a restaurant together by ourselves.

spirited wrote:
So, what you all are saying is I have to walk up to you, sit on your lap, plant a big smooch on your face, and rub your pee pee, to get you to know that I am interested?


Yeah, pretty much. I wouldn't know a subtle hint from a slap across the face...

Pikachu wrote:
I normally act flirty with girls I like once I talk to them, it gives them an idea I'm interested in them


I can act flirty with women I have no interest in with no problems whatsoever. It's when the hormones start kicking in that I can't do a damn thing right :(

Spot17 wrote:
Does this actually happen to you, women coming up and groping you?


Once or twice. I've detailed my one experience of trying to chat somebody up in another thread (she was moulding herself to my body and was almost going to stick her tongue down my throat... when her husband showed up. Oy vey). And then there were the two times I've had my arse pinched - although one of them didn't feel all that nice, since I heard the giggles of a bunch of teenage harpies afterwards, leading me to think that whoever had done the pinching was just doing it on a dare or something :(


_________________
Why so serious?


samtoo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,762
Location: England

16 Sep 2007, 8:08 am

The social stuff is strange though... sometimes I'll come across as adept in most departments, and other times I'll be perhaps (trying too hard?) going over thoughts in my head to try and say something interesting... nothing wrong with trying I guess. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... I hate those awkward moments of silentness though, even if it is online...


_________________
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.


calandale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,439

16 Sep 2007, 2:35 pm

It's worse than not KNOWING what to say.
Not being ABLE to. Even online. Finally
contacted someone whom I've been
obsessing over all year. Started everything
out mellow and cool. Didn't admit the real
HOW of finding her - but only gave a half
truth. THIS fact bothered me so damned much,
in so many ways, that I had to spill EVERYTHING.

Not sure how it's going to turn out,
but it doesn't look good. Might have
been able to play it out and gotten somewhere,
but I was rather convinced that she was
obsessed with me too, and revealing this
was best.


Stupid aspie.