Would you date an NT?

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Heh..I've went out with 2 NT's in my whole life.I didn't really enjoy it.Not because they were NT'S but because I didn't like them more than a friend.

SpaceCase

woooo hooo I never went out with anybody yet

It would have to be the right person. I'd like to date someone with AS just because I'd be able to relate to them a bit more. But it doesn't really matter NT or not. It would just have to be the right person.

I haven't dated yet. But I would want to date a person that is either NT or has AS. Either one would be fine.

I went to the local Autism Society library Friday and they had a copy of The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome: A guide to an Intimate Relationship with a Partner who has Asperger Syndrome on the shelf. Since I had some free time and the book is pretty short, I sat there and read it from cover to cover.

The first half of the book is devoted to explaining AS in adult terms, which is a refreshing change from talk about dinosaurs, tantrums and playground socialization. The book is probably most suited for someone who already knows that their partner is an Aspie but doesn't know what that means. They do discuss the situation where the Aspie is undiagnosed (and what *not* to do about it), but in such a situation I don't know how anyone would know they need to read the book in the first place....

The second half of the book is devoted to the practical realities of these partnerships (which is assumed to be a high-functioning Aspie man with an NT woman). It presents a rather complete and unflattering picture of the numerous deficiencies we have (lack of empathy, obsessive behavior, embarassingly poor social skills, etc.), but balances that with information about the uncommon benefits we bring to the relationship (such as a higher than average income, unwavering fidelity, law abiding character). The book describes ways in which both parties can compromise in order to get around the deficiencies, and warns about situations that must be avoided if the relationship is to have any chance at survival.

As I read the book I thought about all the things that went wrong in my own long-term relationship. It was spooky to see all of our failures described in such detail by people who have never met us.

The book is optimistic that we can make these relationships work if everyone tries hard enough, but I think the authors are ignoring an important point: when a relationship starts, people are willing to overlook faults during the accomodation phase because they know it's temporary and that both sides will change their behavior in order to become more compatible mates. In our case, we don't change. That puts most of the pressure onto the NT partner to make it work. They may be willing to do it initially, but in the long term they will face a lot more stress than in an NT/NT relationship. They may want to be in a relationship with us and may even think they can handle the extra burden, but in the long term the risk of burn-out has got to be a lot higher.

I personally don't think I would try another NT/AS relationship.

Well, considering I've never met another aspie, I wouldn't mind dating a NT... If fact I *am*, and he's seen me freak, and he's still okay with me, so... But I guess I've just been lucky to find someone who can put up with me. I wouldn't date someone who didn't love me for who I am, austism and all.

I woodnt date an NT, but thats only becos the girl i happen to be madly in love with is an aspie. I have dated NTs in the past, so i voted yes.

Sumone who dosent have an ASD

i have that book, too, Jetson. i bought it when i was with my ex, who i suspected (and now am convinced) has AS. (this was before i knew i have AS).

i agree with your comments on the book, wholeheartedly.

i also got "Loving Mr Spock", which is one woman's account of her relationship with a man with AS. it made me cry, as i realised that my ex wasn't going to change. if i read it again now, knowing i have AS, i'm not sure how i'd feel (ditto for the Aston book). it does have some positive stuff in it, and is somewhat informative for people who know little or nothing about AS, though.

Considering I've only ever seen two people with AS in my life and they were both male, I think I might as well give up and cut my balls off already if I were to limit my prospects only to aspie women.

BTW, I'm realising I very easily could date an NT - just so long as she ain't one of those elitist yuppies. I just realized that I get a lot of respect at school, I get respect from people I meet, I do fine in most situations, the only place where I'm 'special' or something genetically less than everywhere else is work where I deal with a lot of yuppy frat and serority kids from some yuppy prep college that mom and dad are paying for in most cases.

I guess when I don't have a chance to get out much I forget that the types of people I work with don't represent the whole world arround me.

I'm more interested in a guy's values. For one, I am childfree and not the least bit religious, so I wouldn't want to be with a guy who's a religious fanatic who wants 8 kids. However, any man that I am with has to understand and accept me for who I am as well. My ex constantly told me that I'm afraid of the world, I'll never make it in the real world, I'm too afraid of change, I take everything too personally, I'm not social enough, I'm "unbalanced" and needed medication, etc., etc., etc. ad nauseum. I'd rather poke my eyes out with a rusty fork than deal with that again.

I don't want to get you down, but AS guys wanting to date AS girls have a numerical disadvantage compared to our NT friends. In the general population the ratio of guys to girls is about 49:51, but in AS circles it's somewhere between 4:1 and 10:1.

I think the key to finding a mate is simply to keep your eyes (and mind) open and get out of the house and be around people.


It's mostly the other way around for me. I've always been "that weird guy" in social settings and during my teenage years school ranged from traumatic to dangerous. Once I got into the work environment I bounced from job to job for several years until I eventually found one where my technical abilities were more important than my social skills. Now I'm well known and (as far as I can tell) generally well regarded throughout my company. It helps that I don't have to deal with the public at all.

That was part of my point

<looks for the "I'm a male aspie and I'm already with an NT" option>

It's called 'Other'.

Went for other, male aspie, have dated female NTs in the past, but have decided to stick to others on the spectrum unless something happens and a nice NT female shows up that I can UNDERSTAND.