Alcohole, peer pessure and big mistakes in love

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Ithink the storys been made out worse than it really is. I think im going to end this topic thanks to all those who helped or tried anyway

When I made the comment "You got what you deserved" I wasn't placing it in any sort of sexual way. I was quite literally saying "YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED" AS IN A LITERAL MEANING IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE YOU PAY THE CONSEQUENCES.

That was all that I meant by that; but it doesn't matter since I should have realized that people would automatically assume that my goal in life was to take advantage of drunk women.

Anyway; I don't think that any one realizes that I was actually trying to help Lonelybonesey.

Sure; maybe I am not big on the whole "human compassion" thing but I tend to be a lot more direct.

By telling Lonelybonesey that "Yes, I think what you did is wrong" I feel than was ten thousand times more effective than "You made a mistake, but its okay; we all make mistakes" type of response.

Why?

Because telling her that she made a mistake and that everything will be okay solves absolutely nothing. Unless of course that is why she first posted this thread in the first place.

At the end of the day their will always be 100 people who tell you that you made a mistake and one that will shove it right in your face. You can go on and hate that one person as much as you want; but in the end they are the only one who is really helping you anyway.

This couldn't be more incorrect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you do, you should learn from it, not beat yourself up over it for a lengthy period of time. You encouraged the latter more than the former, while others encouraged the learning part above all else. So just how much did you help again?

The emperor has no clothes.

If someone realises they've done something wrong and already regrets it then I don't see the point of drumming in how wrong it is? Fair enough if someone refuses to acknowledge their mistakes - go ahead and pop their bubble. But that clearly wasn't the case here!

wow.

well, it does not help anyone to have a mistake shoved in their face, especially if they already feel bad about it, and especially if they are already super-hard on themselves as many AS people are.

what possible "help" is there in encouraging someone to feel guilty and horrible? none. but telling someone it will be ok, when it really WILL be ok, because it was a small mistake to make, helps by trying to get the person to put it in perspective and not hate herself for it.

I must agree.

This begs the question. Effective at achieving what end?

EXACTLY!

answer?

I honestly don't care what the answer to that question is since I don't respect the opinions of those who attempt to bully vulnerable members.

It's true that there have been at least a couple instances of personal insults on this thread.

So in case it wasn't clear before: let it be known that calling a fellow WP member "stupid" is not acceptable. I wouldn't recommend making a defense of those comments either, guys.

When I'm at a party, I drink bottled beer. I drink a beer, then go in the kitchen, rinse the bottle, fill it with water and drink that. That way, I drink 3 beers when it looks like 6 and I stay hydrated, which does a lot to diminish the next day effects.

Yes, I think honesty is much more effective , I don't agree with Brian's "She deserves that" or something like that but I do agree with him about the honesty issue. A true parent is the one who tells you honestly when you did wrong or when you did right , just imagine that it's your daughter/son who drank liters and went drunk with some friends and fell asleep in a public place and then she told you that she feels ashamed about all this, what would you tell her/him? "oh it's ok my dear , don't feel ashamed"???? Any responsible parent would tell her/him instead: "You must feel ashamed,glad to see you unharmed but don't ever repeat that again!" or a less emotional version "You must feel ashamed, don't ever repeat that!! !"

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 11 Dec 2007, 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Can you show us a clear list of these members?

i would consider you on it, as i think it is wrong for you to tell someone they should feel shame.

^^ Feeling ashamed sometimes it's not a such bad thing as you are trying to project , in fact this feeling makes you improve. When I do something wrong at work I feel ashamed of it and I promise myself to never do the same mistake again and so I improve the quality of my work. And oh...there's a world of difference between 'feeling ashamed about something you did' and ' feeling shame about yourself.
It's ok if you don't agree with me but that doesn't give you the right to call me stupid or whatever.

Hope I am on the top of the list alex!!

If we're all in agreement about not calling each other stupid, then all is well.

If you have a question for Alex, you can PM him.