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ToadOfSteel
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12 Feb 2008, 1:23 pm

Mudboy wrote:
Hale_Bopp, you have a very pretty picture. I think, the guys you find attractive, think you are out of their reach. (The opposite of lowering their standards.) Most guys are afraid to talk to you, because they think you will reject them like cute girls always do. The guys who hit on you are probably the jerks, or the ones that think they are going to get shot down anyway (Uglies?).

This is the case with me and good-looking women...


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Hotness is good for daydreams and fantasies, but getting to know each other is the real way to find a person who makes you happy.

This is why I take relationships in the reverse direction... I want to be friends with a woman before I get romantic with her...



Dhp
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16 Feb 2008, 4:03 am

I'm going to get hit with a lot of BIG purses (for most controlling gold digging women seem to have them) But I am truly a romantic (although what i'm about to say will not seem like it) No that wasn't it, ladies. This is it - >

However, I believe most american women are after men only because of their money. If the guy is rich, hang on to him...it means security, folks; and if the guy treats that woman badly - it's half of his estate when she divorces him! (This is why I'm single, folks. I am honestly really afraid of women. I look at their beauty from afar...but I'm in no place to even try asking one out, since I have no social skills, no confidence in myself, and I am poor. I mean poor. I'm rich in the close bonds that my family has and my 1 or two friends, but financially I'm poor!) That's right...to most women, I'm an utterly complete failure and loser.

But here is a secret. Women love confidence and humor too. Women love to be treated with respect. And they love to be pampered. Sometimes that "jerk" is with that woman because of the confidence he exudes, or his sense of humor - or maybe the chemistry masks true behaviors that each might see as faults when the chemistry disappears. Or maybe that beautiful woman is the most evil, selfish "jerk" that crawled out of the 9th circle of hell. Who knows? The right match is whoever is perfect for you - not whoever is perfect in someone else's view. lol...imagine that...me giving advice on love! I have never had a girlfriend, and only went on 2 dates, and never experienced love...what the hell is this world coming too? My advice here is probably as good as Jeffery Dahlmers!! lmao (sorry for the dark humor). Bah!



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16 Feb 2008, 6:55 am

Whisperer wrote:
iddqd wrote:
Oh-kay, this is going to seem strange... but I was wondering if there's any association between people's level of attractiveness and the people they date... I mean, I "observe" some really fat, loudmouth, smelly, unhygienic, etc... douchebags, with really nice and pretty girls. It kind of makes me sick. Do I have to become an unhygienic, fat a**hole to get a girlfriend? I feel leagues above this girl who likes me at the moment, and I don't want to be with her because I'm just not attracted to her physically... but I KNOW, I'm better looking, smarter, cleaner... than these a**holes with girlfriends... why do all the f**ktards get good looking girls?


I've seen that too - not that good looking and/or smart guys don't get girls but I've seen hideous guys - both physically and mentally - with above average looking girls; sometimes even smart girls.

There was a guy at my uni just like that. He was sexist, had no patience for any in-depth discussion, had bad grades overall and conspicuously slandered and backstabbed random people. In group projects (and I had to work with him at least once) he was obsessed with social intrigue and scapegoat creation rather than with actually contributing - in a period of months I saw him go from harassing me, to requesting my help to harass our informal team leader who was also supposedly his best friend; then I saw him at another team project saying ridiculous things like "We will all agree it was so and so's fault and will tell him so once he gets here".
He once forced a girl he was hitting on into a french kiss, then went on to tell everyone she was "probably a lesbian" because she slapped him.
Once we were - class setting - trying to convince a teacher not to take a certain test during holidays but a week earlier; this guy gets up, accuses us of "being liars" and requests for the exam to be taken during holidays as originally planned, then says that since he isn't going anywhere for holidays he might as well screw them up for everyone else.
Physically he was pale, fat - a flabby type, narrow of shoulders - and his t-shirts were sometimes stained with things like mustard. He wore glasses, narrow thick glasses from behind which he squinted at people.

Whenever there were girls, he was the guy hanging around with them. He supposedly had a girlfriend at the same time, but that didn't stop him from hitting on everyone.

I think it has to do with the all-encompassing sexist mindset; meaning that women are a part of it; meaning that those teaching girls how to think and how to behave are themselves sexist - for generations - then that sexism gets reinforced in the media, social pressures, etc. . . In my observation, girls would rarerly start conversation with anyone - myself, they would almost never even greet me - they just sat there like some doll and if a guy like this guy decided it was a good idea to occupy 99% of their free time with flirting, they would go along with that. . . apparently regardless to whether they already had a boyfriend or could (presumably) use flirting with somebody more interesting.
I've seen something similar in clubs, too; guys hit on everything that moves and girls don't even look at them unless spoken to. I have an American online friend; I discussed this with him; says it's the same over there (I had 'till then assumed the contrary). You are either initiating a flirting conversation or you don't exist - doesn't matter if you are fitter or smarter because you do not exist because you are not flirting with them.
My ex is Spaniard, she says girls take the initiative a bit more in her country and that they are generally pretty stupid where I live but I don't know how much of this comes from her direct observation (we did comment on a few random girls or couples we saw when she was here).
A shrink used to tell me girls at uni flirt with guys like these because they perceive them as "safe" and would rather shun someone like me because they could tell I'd eventually want a serious relationship (that being generally too much of a hassle).

Anyway. . . I wouldn't be surprised if seeing this jerk be so succesful when I couldn't even get a conversation going was one of the things that triggered my emotional breakdown a few years ago (since after which I basically stopped trying, have a harder time keeping fit, went back to playing videogames, greatly decreased my eye contact. . . amongst other things)

The evidence has always, even in retrospective, been more shocking than any logical explanation for it:

1) As I said, this guy would be hitting on everyone all the time. We once had a really sexy teacher-assistant in her late 20s. During a break - some of us were in the classroom - Jerk hits on her with something like "hey teacher. . . hmgph. . . prettey. . . isn't your boyfriend jealous of you being here?" (or something like that). She smiles at him and does some smalltalk with the group around her -turns out she was going to concoct the exam. Just to see what happened I said in an obviously friendly smalltalk-ish manner something like "Let's hope it's not too difficult! :D". She stops smiling, glances at me and goes on with her stuff. On top of that the fat jerk, quickly says something rude to me to try to shun me out of the social situation. I reply something rather stern, logically correct but softening the blow with a bantering attitude to it. He simply turns his back on me while I'm replying and pretends to busy himself with something on the board - something non-existant because the board had already been wiped clean.

2) Theres a new girl in class. Both me and Jerk make some social contact with her. One day we walked together the way back since we found out we lived like two blocks away. . . talking about different things (me and the new girl). The next day, there's me in a social situation with Jerk and others; new girl arrives and I turn around saying Hi to her and asking her if she finally managed to study for some exam she had told me about (or something). I have a grin on my face, she has too but I can soon tell she's not at all looking at me; she completely ignores me, walks past me and goes to flirt with the fat jerk. We never spoke to each other again.

3) When I had to work in a team project with the fat Jerk there was a girl around and at some point there was the three of us in a car going somewhere. . . During all this time Jerk never bothered concealing his constant rudeness and stupidity; for example by saying he'd punch me in the face (for something minor that had not even happened) and reacting violently when the girl tried to change radio stations because the music he'd put on was terrible (comparing it to the Spice Girls is not enough; I can't describe to the first world how bad third world music can get). This girl was jewish. At some point someone mentions something about jewish culture. I tactfully and casually asking him if he himself was jewish; he put a face that would have made sense if I had asked him if he liked to wallow in hospital residues during hot summer days - and then almost went into a racist rant in front of the girl he was supposedly hitting on.
This girl did not only not change her flirting attitude towards him; she began confiding in him when things weren't going right with her boyfriend. I always got along well with her, yet she invited him and not me to a party she later on organized.

I've seen a lot of guys be succesful with women (everyone else other than I) but the fact that, despite everything women like to say, guys like this one (and I've seen very few that are this bad) have above average success with them is. . . odd. . . to say the least. I still can't completely make sense of it.


Did you notice that girls here usually ignore your replies too?



Whisperer
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16 Feb 2008, 11:05 am

Not really, since I don't specifically address them.
As in NT forums, there seem to be replies going back and forth within cliques but that's a different issue. . .
Technically, I'm the one with the replies debt but, even then, I don't think I'm necessarily expected to. . .



Wolfpup
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16 Feb 2008, 11:46 am

Whisperer wrote:
Not really, since I don't specifically address them.
As in NT forums, there seem to be replies going back and forth within cliques but that's a different issue. . .
Technically, I'm the one with the replies debt but, even then, I don't think I'm necessarily expected to. . .


Maybe I should be embarrassed by this, but I don't even see cliques here. I'm not aware of anything other than that people are posting in various threads (assuming there is something else going on).



gwenevyn
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16 Feb 2008, 12:21 pm

Wolfpup wrote:
Whisperer wrote:
Not really, since I don't specifically address them.
As in NT forums, there seem to be replies going back and forth within cliques but that's a different issue. . .
Technically, I'm the one with the replies debt but, even then, I don't think I'm necessarily expected to. . .


Maybe I should be embarrassed by this, but I don't even see cliques here. I'm not aware of anything other than that people are posting in various threads (assuming there is something else going on).


You're right, I believe. Before I'd spent much time here, I thought there were cliques, but as I've talked with more people, I still don't have any sort of group and I assume most others do not either.


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Whisperer
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16 Feb 2008, 12:49 pm

Wolfpup wrote:

Maybe I should be embarrassed by this,


Yes, but because of the blatant off-topic-ness. . .

My semi-random comment on there being cliques was aimed at giving my reply to LePetitPrince more of a general background; having two members with over 1k posts (one of them being a moderator I don't exactly like) reply to THAT in less than a couple hours is creepy at best.

B-movies about zombie hordes are more tasteful than this. . .



gwenevyn
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16 Feb 2008, 2:25 pm

Whisperer wrote:
Wolfpup wrote:

Maybe I should be embarrassed by this,


Yes, but because of the blatant off-topic-ness. . .

My semi-random comment on there being cliques was aimed at giving my reply to LePetitPrince more of a general background; having two members with over 1k posts (one of them being a moderator I don't exactly like) reply to THAT in less than a couple hours is creepy at best.

B-movies about zombie hordes are more tasteful than this. . .


Seeing as how we've never even conversed before, to my recollection, I don't see why you would have any basis for forming a sense of like or dislike. However, the irony of someone complaining about cliques and then complaining that people he doesn't like are replying to his post... is pretty priceless.

In all honesty, I found your response to LPP's comment to be very graceful and the intent of my last post was only to reassure you that you weren't being ignored on the basis of cliques. Why you found that offensive, I do not know. Carry on, I guess.


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lotusblossom
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16 Feb 2008, 2:43 pm

relationships based on money or looks dont seem to last or these famous people would marry one person for life- it obviously is a formula that sucks! The best thing to do would be for people to find partners with common interests and friendship and get to know them before they had a relationship to make sure they were compatable. There is no point in getting a relationship that will end quickly -it is better to wait for a suitable person (even for a long time) and have that relationship be happy and lasting. :D



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17 Feb 2008, 7:05 am

I've always had the "hot" ones follow me around, and I always knew why; no matter what I did to myself (shave my hair totally off), it didn't matter. I can count the girls/women on several hands.

I can't talk to, befriend and then love a face/body; I can talk to, befriend and then love a mind.

I spoke to a mind, befriended and then loved the mind; I then loved the face/body.



LePetitPrince
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17 Feb 2008, 8:12 am

Danielismyname wrote:
I've always had the "hot" ones follow me around, and I always knew why; no matter what I did to myself (shave my hair totally off), it didn't matter. I can count the girls/women on several hands.

I can't talk to, befriend and then love a face/body; I can talk to, befriend and then love a mind.

I spoke to a mind, befriended and then loved the mind; I then loved the face/body.


ah really? hot girls drool over you just because you love the mind? riiiii..ghhht.

Are you sure that they don't follow you because of other reasons? Like being very good-looking for example?



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17 Feb 2008, 8:40 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
Are you sure that they don't follow you because of other reasons? Like being very good-looking for example?


That was my point, and yeah, I was very good looking (as well as being tall and "big"), I supposedly still am.

It boils to what one wants, and I'm the same, it's just that beauty, status, power, "intelligence" and what have you doesn't mean anything to me.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks in a way that's similar to this.

Perhaps the women in the OP feel the "same" way (it's different if the OP's observations of the men are "correct", but we all have our own subjective wants).



ToadOfSteel
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17 Feb 2008, 11:03 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
Danielismyname wrote:
I've always had the "hot" ones follow me around, and I always knew why; no matter what I did to myself (shave my hair totally off), it didn't matter. I can count the girls/women on several hands.

I can't talk to, befriend and then love a face/body; I can talk to, befriend and then love a mind.

I spoke to a mind, befriended and then loved the mind; I then loved the face/body.


ah really? hot girls drool over you just because you love the mind? riiiii..ghhht.

Are you sure that they don't follow you because of other reasons? Like being very good-looking for example?


And here I thought I was cynical...



kbergren21
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17 Feb 2008, 2:08 pm

So this is my view on girls here. I've had the hardest time meeting girls until I joined the military. Im not the greatest looking or the worst looking in men standards. And this is what I've notice in girls. Aspie or normal alike. They want to have fun! Look at all these hapless couples that have the strongest loving relationships. What do they have in common? All of them get playfully childish and tease each other as if there 8 years old on a playground. The hard part is finding that playful niche in the girl. Tease them a little bit, act clumsy and stupid (easy for aspies to do), be a little cocky and funny. The key is just get them laughing one they will want to date you (let them make the move) or two they'll be your friend and have lots of cute friend to introduce you too. All them have some sort of initial defense and test. The hot ones are sick of being approached by guys, getting used for sex, or having guys instantly fall in love with them (These are they guys they walk all over). Dont do any of these!! ! Treat like a normal person. If they are being rude, moody, or bitchy tell them 9 out of 10 times theyll apologize. Its all part of a subconscious test in a female pyche men have to pass.

For example the little cutie Im seeing right, her ex boyfriend, and I had a few drinks this weekend. She tells her ex boyfriend to buy her a drink and then gives him the puppy dog look. He gives in and buys her a drink. lol 30 minutes later she does the same trick on me. And I told her jokingly if she pulls that crap on me... Im gonna "Dutch Oven" her. What does she do?! She ends up buying me drinks the whole night. DOnt know why it works but it does! While I keep telling her no matter how nice she is to me she's not going to take advantage of me. haha While she gets free drinks from the guys she walks all over. I dont really think its about love... Its just about finding that comfort level around someone where you can just be a kid again. If a fat ugly guy can make a hot girl feel goofy and childish I dont think its gonna matter what he looks like.

If you are a girl and agree give me a high five~



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17 Feb 2008, 6:55 pm

zghost wrote:
I think it's more like this:
Is he or she is really attractive, either:
A) They're too good for you, don't even bother trying.
B) They're single? Must be something wrong with them.
C) They're probably a b***h/ a**hole.

And if they're really nice, people often feel they're not good enough for them, standard inferiority complex.
So often the pretty people date the not-pretty people.


Or, she has asperger's.



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18 Feb 2008, 3:02 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
ah really? hot girls drool over you just because you love the mind? riiiii..ghhht. Are you sure that they don't follow you because of other reasons? Like being very good-looking for example?


Well, the girls I know tend to drool over my delicious mind, but I think that is because they are zombies.