Inability to love?

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^^^
i agree that if folks like ted bundy or ted kaczinski [AKA "the randy" and "the handy"] had been able to ditch the evil side of their natures, they coulda done a lot of good in this world, by dint of their superior intellect. how unfortunate, for them [and their victims, not to mention their collateral damage] as well as for this hurting world which is so in need of more service-minded smart people of an ethically enlightened bent. in those terms i feel inferior to those two, in that what cognitive functions came easily to them, i struggle with quite dimly, which limits my ability to do good in this world. maybe if i didn't also have evil thoughts from time to time, i wouldn't feel so queasy about it all.

I'm genuinely curious as to what occured in the second act. Seriously, reading over this thread now. (Why the hell I didn't stumble upon this sooner? Curses. I missed the drama. ) This guy definately sounded like an ass. Seriously? His folks got involved, and chewed you out? Considering the fact he told you his parents encouraged it says it all RIGHT THERE. Yay for the lovely trait of blatant honesty that seems to come with the territory of AS.

As for the nature of aspies and love.
Love is an incredibly tangible thing. No person loves another the same way, or measurement. Also what one person may see as love could be considered inadequate or an overabundance. Hence we have such a thing as chemistry. Also what many have said there is true. The trouble many people with AS and autism in general have a hard time understanding and expressing themselves in the traditional line of expressing and taking in. Doesn't mean we don't feel or cannot express affections in our own way. Sadly this isn't the first therapist or counselor I've seen who falls prey to this misconception. It's quite disheartening.
I myself love in my own ways. Sure there is a level of detatchment on my part sometimes, but I blame that in part to my neglective and abusive upbringing. I don't always feel the emotions or understand the motivation behind actions, but I still try my best to fullfill the other's need for support and affections by relying on my common sense, and the strong feelings I do have of not wanting to hurt them because even though I don't feel at the moment I still care about them, and act accordingly. That's just scratching the surface as to what I feel and how I feel. And oh when I do feel, I feel too much. XD
Hope you're doing alright with yourself.

I think it's more a fact that women of the younger age group are getting harder to love, doubt Aspergers has much to do with it :/

I have come to the conclusion that I an incapable of loving people, I am only capable of liking my parents (Mom MUCH more than Dad) who are great parents, but I sincerely love my cats, I think I'm mentally defective.

If we are unable to love, then we instead have some unnamed emotion that could be easily comparable to love.

Perhaps a modified version of "Special Interests"

But aside from what anyone says; love is as interpreted by the lover. Hell, I bet 15% of the NT's on this planet have a seriously flawed perception of what "Love" even is.

It's so obscure, which is probably one of the reasons Aspies find relationships difficult. They only wish to be with the one they love ^_^ Falling in love in the first place however, is generally due to a lot of them being so desensitized to NT's; generally because of getting bullied and/or misunderstood.

Love IS a mental defect. All rational thought goes out the window. Consider it on a par with drug use and you'll be on the right lines - and, indeed, some people end up abusing it and feel utterly miserable, like those battered women that keep going back to their husbands (wailing "but I love him!" as their friends ask what the hell they're thinking of).

And remember - to tennis players, love means nothing.

I think I have the ability to love, I just tend to think most people are stupid and hate stupid people.

Does that apply to my love of my cats who unfailingly improve my mood even when they're crazy?

I know heaps of people have replied already but I'll add my piece. Firstly, I would get rid of that counselor ASAP and find a new one. Take it from somebody who's a psychology undergrad, has several disorders, and has been to see many different psycs - they are highly diverse bunch terms of skill level and knowledge. Seeing a counselor who is giving false or incorrect information is worse than seeing nobody at all.

The way your counselor describes Aspergers is actually a more correct description for sociopathy, which is a different condition. People with Aspergers have difficulty understanding body language, non-verbals, and have poor social skills as well as in some cases have difficulty understanding their emotions (yes they do experience the full normal range of emotions, but they may have trouble labeling them - this doesn't apply to everyone with AS though). This can cause trouble in relationships, but it doesn't affect their ability to love. People with Aspergers can be self-centered (note I use the term "self centered" as opposed to "selfish" - the two are different; "selfish" means only caring about yourself and not others, "self-centered" means your thoughts revolve inwards and around yourself because you have difficulty thinking of what others are thinking or feeling (this is what it means to lack of theory of mind) but this doesn't mean you don't care about others).

Now none of this means that your boyfriend is not an abusive a**hole. Just like in any population of people, there are going to be some people with Aspergers who are also abusive a**holes. To me it sounds like unfortunately your boyfriend falls under the "abusive a**hole" category.

Disregard Aspergers - from what you're saying, unless I'm mistaken it sounds to me like his mistreatment of you goes beyond the kinds of social misunderstandings caused by AS.

I am someone who has been through an emotionally abusive relationship (although I still find it hard to admit myself, and I find I keep blaming myself and thinking maybe he wasn't so bad - that's what happens, the abuser causes you to doubt yourself and blame yourself for everything) and the abuser will always try to draw you back in and trap you. What you need to do is to get out of there and stay out - cut all contact with him permanently no matter what messages he sends you to try and lure you back. It will be hard but stick with your guns no matter what.

If you feel your counselor does give good advice about what to do to break away from the relationship maybe you could consider staying with him/her. However, I feel the misinformation she is giving you about Aspergers is problematic as it allows you to excuse his abusive behaviour by associating it with a mental illness, thus allowing yourself to displace the blame away from him and perhaps even onto yourself for not understanding or something, which is precisely what he, the abuser, wants.

I honestly do not think love exists.

Oops, sorry! Should have read through more of the thread. Glad you did break up with him at any rate.

I'm inclined to agree. I feel like the idea of "love" has been projected in society to the point were people will set themselves the target of finding "true love" and make it the be all and end all of dating. In the real world, its very unlikely that someone will find their perfect match. It can also make people rather vulnerable, holding so much value in this idea and directing it towards someone only for it to not work out. I think if you find someone that you can be like best friends with and have some sort of physical attraction towards then that's probably as close as it gets. As for me I'm not too bothered about it, the cons outweigh the pros for me.

What? This is the only thing I know how to do, love.

ESPECIALLY love of cats. I am completely besotted with a moggy that demands we let her out at silly o'clock in the morning, insists we fill her food bowl and orders me out of my chair by the computer pretty much every night. I always give in, because I love her and she is the dark mistress with absolute power.

I can say that I can't love a guy. I never been in love and probably never will. And I'm completely fine with it. I see horrible damage love can do... so I never wanna experience it.

I think I can only have genuine love for animals.

I think my love for humans was beaten out of me from a young age, lucky I have animals to remind me I'm not a complete oxygon thief.

Your doc was on the money, did she suggest you find a real man to love you ?