why have I never had a boyfriend?

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From your resume it sounds like a lot of guys would be overwhelmed by you. Let it come out a little at a time. When a guy asks you something about yourself, give a brief answer and return a similar question. For example, if he asks, "Do you have any pets?" you respond, "Not now, but I had a cat when I was in high school. How about you? Any furry friends?". It will give them time to learn to appreciate you. Also, if you think he's telling jokes and you don't get them, say so gently. Maybe "I'm sorry, these are going right over my head," with a smile and a light giggle so he knows you're not making fun of him.

It's just WEIRD that we're the ones who are supposed to be so obsessed with rules, yet here are all of these "sophisticated" NT guys ruling out women who are intelligent, charming, accomplished and sweet because the guys feel inferior. BLAGH!

BTW, you sound like a dreamboat.

Heheh, Ivy League, grad school, independent, financially secure...I have read an article that most highly educated, independent women (NT, AS doesn't matter) run into this problem...they have problems finding a good, decent guy ON THE SAME LEVEL with them. I think the idea was that men want to feel needed for...SOMETHING. Their role in society has been of provider/ protector forever...so when they're not really needed for either, they don't know what to do? I am not sure....

A friend of mine was joking that she should just start acting really girly, giggle a lot at any attempt of a joke, act "legally blonde," dress in pink and high heels and act completely in awe when a guy talks about his job/successes/house/car etc Hey, I think the truth is somewhere in between the extremes...not too girly but not too composed either. Not too superficial but not too serious or cold either. Maybe it has to do with opening up and letting some vulnerable side show?

***But as others have said, in a relationship, what matters is not just how accomplished one is...but if you come off as WARM, friendly, genuinely caring, sweet...Not that men are needy or that they like a woman who is caring and friendly etc...I think ANYBODY wants that in a mate. And one other things that turns anyone off is being too serious, unwiling to try new things, have fun, be light-hearted and carefree...If one comes off as serious, grave, intense, self-centered or arrogant...most people won't find it appealing. The nicest thing is to find someone who doesn't take it all too seriously and who can laugh at his/her own expense from time to time.

So just dress and act more girly, open up and be willing to CHANGE and challenge how you've been so far! If you want things to change, you will have to accept that they will change part of YOU and that you will need to accept and expect changes in many ways (and they can be good ones, not bad...a whole new world).


I don't know...I'll keep reading this. All the best!

Last edited by northern_light_girl on 06 May 2008, 10:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'd give you a try if you lived here.

When I take a look at the people who seem to be really successful on either side of the coin, they have a fair balance between cerebral and animal nature - if anything a slight favor toward animal in their general overtones though. Its like a lot of women seem to be more intoxicated by a guy who's filling the male gender role rather well and seems more based in that than the abstract 'human being' bit. I think it all goes back to natural law - the genetics/eugenics game, as its implanted in all of us, smells a fake when someone's too cerebral and not sporting typical gender behavior enough; thus it shuts down a guys attraction for a woman or a woman's attraction to a guy if they don't have enough direct masculinity/femininity displayed in how they carry themselves and generally act. Its how a lot of 'nice guys' finish last I think just like how a lot of more self-sufficient and less girly women have a harder time not finishing last as well. I still think of something another aspie was telling about a female friend of hers, supposedly supermodel beautiful, blonde, but from the sound of things about if not more cerebral than I am - supposedly she's 40, still single, and hasn't really dated herself. Stories like that make me nauseous just because I know how having that sort of intellect just compounds the effects it emotionally has on you to know that having what you do as an asset attacks your mobility in this area of life.

I wonder what happened to the original poster?

Hmm, I am only 22 so not sure I will be able to help much but heres my 0.02 cents.

You are in shape. You are successful. You look 20 years younger than you are. There is nothing wrong with you. If anything you most likely intimidate men by being just that cool.

I know my dad is 44 and looks in his 20's and he has 2 failed marriages and two kids by different women. He is a very good man but does not hit the bars much.

I have very little relationship experience but from what I have been told here is a list of the top three reasons guys I know 20-65+ get out of relationships.

They don't get enough attention from their woman.

Their woman takes over their lives and gives no room for social freedoms so they feel entrapped.

And fighting. Lots and lots of fighting.

Personally I have always seen lack of communication as an issue for people.

My advice date more. Find as many guys as possible that you find attractive physically or mentally and then ask them out. The more you date the more you learn.

Chances are it is something simple like you are always stoic and do not touch them enough so a guy never really understands that you are into him...flaunt more sex?

Hecked if I know I am still just a baby in the world of dating.

Hope this helped,

-Zane