BBW's (larger women)

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No, @Toad - you're still a guy, just not quite as typical - in this one respect - as a lot of men. To be more accurate, there are women for whom physical attraction plays a much greater role than what I've described. And there are men who do become attracted to women over time. Generally though men are more visual, and attraction is the motivation to pursuing a loving relationship. Women are less visual, so often the loving relationship is the motivation for sexual attraction. Old saying that I think is (mostly) true: Men learn to love the women they're attracted to; women learn to be attracted to the men they love.

If a guy doesn't like fat women that's his business, but morbid obesity aside, the health argument is ridiculous. Normal weight is in no way a guarantee of perfect health - I'm slim and athletic and I have high blood pressure - nobody refused to date me because of that .

Of course having normal weight is no guarantee of health! What "healthy" really means is that a person "cares" about their health and doesn't abuse their body by letting their weight get out of control. Overweight/obesity is a sign/symptom of a lot of serious psychological problems, just as much as someone who's underweight from anorexia/bulimia, and it's much more common.

It's WAY more than just an aesthetic thing...

^
I fully agree with that when it comes to obesity and anorexia. Overweight on the other hand is a pretty subjective - personally I wouldn't worry about someone who has 10-15 kg over their "ideal weight".

If what you say is that you don't want to date someone with an irresponsible/self-destructive life style, I can understand that too. Otherwise, most people will have some health problems - genetic or acquired - and some baggage too. Especially since my own neurology isn't typical I try to give people a chance even if I suspect they might have some psychological problems - after all, very few people don't. If they acknowledge their issues and take steps to deal with them, they'll be fine. But I'd rather avoid those who refuse to face their problems or blame others for them - that is indeed dangerous for a relationship.

Because polygamy isn't allowed in the U.S. and few people can handle open relationships anyway.

I don't mean all of them at once. I mean if all you need is personality, why not just be with your best friend (for example?)

Because relationships can wreck a friendship. I've seen it happen waaay too many times. Best friends go on a date, they get together, something happens and then they act like they have become total strangers. It's sad. >.<

I think we are actually in complete agreement on the subject. The notion of "ideal weight" is hotly debated scientifically anyway. All I really mean is that someone maintains a weight which does not cause them problems medical or otherwise.

I am very understanding and tolerant for conditions over which one has no control, but preventable conditions that result from poor lifestyle choices are an entirely different matter...

Grisha, the proof is in the pudding. if you would be attracted to, and date, an overweight woman and get to know her before judging whether she has unhealthy habits, i would accept that it is about a woman's health to you, primarily. it is not possible to glance at a woman and judge her health or habits. and again, if you cared that much about health, you would exclude drinkers too.

No of course I wouldn't decide that someone's habits are unhealthy unless it was really obvious, and sometimes it's not.

Many years ago I was set up with a "larger" girl, I was totally OK with that aesthetically, the rest would come later. I am very active, but decided to pick an activity which didn't require much walking or any sort of exertion. We ended up going for a walk on the beach, it was level terrain, hard-packed sand, and the distance wasn't that great (or so I thought) but 10 minutes into it I was looking around for an oxygen bottle and defibrillator. This girl was in her mid-20s!

I guess this kind of affected my view, also the fact that I'm very active (I hike about 30 miles/week) makes it important that someone be in reasonably good shape.

And since you brought it up, not drinking is a HUGE plus for me (I don't drink myself), I would love to have the luxury of excluding people on this criteria but it's so common that just isn't practical. Why are people so into getting high on ethanol?

Anyway, I think we're actually on the same page here...

Because at medium levels of intoxication, it causes euphoria and diminishes feelings of pain. Some people are either too sensitive or not sensitive enough, and either can't stay conscious long enough to enjoy it, or in my case, require so much alcohol to get to that point that it becomes a health risk and overly expensive.

I much prefer cannabis myself. Much healthier, seriously.

I don't use cannabis either, but it is MUCH healthier than ethanol.

Health isn't really a bit thing for me. Obviously I would prefer my partner be healthy, but I'm not a hypocrite - I eat a tonne of junk food and not get enough exercise myself tbh

I wouldn't refuse to date someone because they drank/smoke etc. Excluding people who drink would pretty much mean I could never have a girl my own age as practically all other students seem to drink lol

I'm just not physically attracted to fat women. All the women I like are (almost) always white as well, but I'm not racist

People have their own tastes in women/men. For me being fairly slim is just one of those things which is always true of any girls I've liked

That's always the problem - most people don't understand the "everything in moderation" principle. A glass of good red wine or port once in a while has great benefits - I never understood those who automatically go for the whole bottle and then some. Same for cannabis - I have a good friend who uses it, but wisely - he knows excess can cause unwanted long term effects.

The whole bottle -- people like me who don't even get warm from one or two glasses. No joke -- I went on a business trip with Salespeople (who are big drinkers) and didn't even get tipsy in 3 days. It takes a lot of liquor to get me to a happy warm place, thus the cannabis instead.

^
I get it, what I don't get is the drinking to get wasted thingy. One or two glasses of good wine relax me and I enjoy the taste - I'm not really interested in getting tipsy or drunk.

Cannabis seems to work well for some, unfortunately it increases my awareness and senses to an almost unbearable point.