(non-intelligent) girl has a crush on me

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If you equate education level with IQ, you have a lot to learn about what qualifies as "intelligence".

OK. But maybe it should be put this way, "Will you be able to treat her as an equal?"

Yes.

Would he be able to treat her as an equal. That is a perfect question to ask. Actually get rid of Able and put willing. Would he be willing to set aside his own customs and comforts and treat her as an equal.

What the hell are you talking about? He is giving good advice. The guy can't pretend to be something he is not. You are asking him to be hung up on a girl he is not interested it. Of course he could always change his mind later. But isn't it better advice not to focus all you attention on one person especially if you are very unsure about it?

Btw you come across quite patronising sometimes pitching yourself at this relationship guru. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has picked up on it. It think it is great that you want to give advice and your opinion, but you might try doing it in a less sanctimonious way.

I second that.

Sanctimonious? I'm not being sanctimonious, I'm being myself, blunt and to the point. trust me, if I weren't, you'd all know.

and what am I talking about? Let me put it this way, the guy obviously likes the girl, however, due to the whole IQ thingy, which shouldn't really be an issue, because if it were, half or more of the married people in the US wouldn't be currently married to who they are currently married too. So in retrospect, should it matter? No. it shouldn't. He should go for the gusto and ask the girl out, damn the consequences, because he should listen to his heart not his brain.

First, I *heart* that you posted a diagram, Asterisp!

Maybe in the U.S. or in the U.K., though it wouldn't be a very nice thing to do. Dutch girls (I'm presuming she's Dutch) don't really go for that so much. You'll see exceptions in cities, but they're a very visible minority.




Is it stupid? It's the way things work in his community. Seems to function pretty well, too.




Actually, our society is more rigidly striated than we'd like to think. Check out The Economist studies on social mobility and see how we score.




Their families may well have been friends for hundreds of years. They don't just go bobbing around for new apples. Who are you to define what model of friendship works for him?





It's likely that her family background was the largest influence on her academic path. It's not just about intelligence, it's about an entire worldview, approach to life. It's about values and lifestyle goals. There's flexibility in the social system, but "outsiders" have to show they can signal shared values. So far she's not doing that.


I'm not dissing the girl, just saying there are bigger differences than people who've only lived in the U.S. can fathom. I was married to someone from a background that sounds similar to Asperisp's, and while I chose the "don't bother trying to join them - beat them!" approach, I know women who've joined from outside and chosen to do their best to integrate. It's a tough row to hoe, especially for women from the same larger culture. Asperisp is far too charming to post it here, but I suspect that this girl's speech patterns and accent reflects a difference in upbringing.

There's something else I'd caution Asperisp about (an emotional dynamic), but I've spouted off enough in here for now.

Says you. How do you sense that? The guy said he is attracted to her physically and is fun to spend a small mount of time with, but see no long term potential with her. I think that’s pretty clear. This post is about how to deal with it.

fortunately for you, I don't see it that way.

I'm a dating and relationship adviser, I know what to look for. otherwise I'd be dead by now.

You mean... you are not dead yet, so you know what to look for, so that makes you a good relationship advisor.

So we all are excellent relationship advisors!

The proof's in the pudding. There might be a point when Asterisp wants to stop talking about this young woman so openly, but I hope he'll tell us enough if there's anything we can learn from how it pans out.

No. I'm saying the amount of people I've managed to piss off in the real world. you'd be quite surprised by how much people have tried to kill me. to date I've had at least 5 brushes with death.

Sorry to hear that I value your input.

I don't think any of our input is perfect, but together we toss around the ideas and at least the OP gets some good questions to ask himself.

Dude (I never say dude but when in Rome...) sorry to hear that but how does that make you a relationship expert? Anyway I amire your persistance if that is any consulation. Just don't get yourself killed over something petty. Or just don't get yourself killed if you can help it.

Why are you so hell bent on being a relationship guru. As you actually saying you do this as a living?

it would take a lot more to kill me, or incapacitate for that matter. though this much I do know, I have quite a following and fanclub from high school and in college, and a few friends in the military that anyone crazy enough to try and knock me off would best find a place where the arms of my people can't find them, and hope in Heaven's name that I didn't survive, cause I'd be coming after them.

Why am I hell bent? It's a calling, I guess. It's what God has me do. I'm but the willing servant of the Almighty. I'm no Joseph, Noah, Abraham, or what have you, but nonetheless I'm someone who most people take seriously in real life. In real though though, I'm entering into my junior year in college, majoring in writing lit with emphasis on Creative writing fiction, mostly in the Fantasy fiction type of writing. this is just a side gig, though most of my friends do come to me at school for help. Though next summer if all pans though like it should, I'll be interning with the FBI, and hopefully working there one day, whilst I go to grad school to get my MA in Library Sciences.

Good.

You have explained a wee bit about your plans in life and given part of your curriculum vitae. I think I understand a little bit more about your personality type, now that I've read some of your posts. And why this makes you a person with real foresight and relationship knowledge...

But I think I should return to the subject of the topic, because this topic is not about Gamester but about Asterisp. Some have raised the issue of equality: "Is he willing to or able to treat her as equal?"

There is a theory (it is just a theory, so for what it is worth) saying that very beautiful women like men that come of as arrogant. Because the standard reaction of men--and she will get a lot of attention--is often praising her or putting her upon a pedestal, a beautiful woman often gets bored with these type of men. See develops confidence, in some cases (not always her fault) might develop some sense of superiority. As a result of the boredom see goes looking for a man that stands out, is different from the rest of the bunch. Someone who has the guts to be arrogant to her (or might come of as arrogant unpurposely in case of Asterisp) must be a strong person...

The act of trying to be dominant over her and giving the signal "I am more than you" might actually be the thing that makes her wanting to be close to him. And also would bind her to him if this has become a relationship.