LADY'S: What's so attractive about a jerk?

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Nothing, but sometimes a guy doesn't seem a jerk at first. It comes out later when the girl has already invested her time and her soul, and it's difficult to simply exit. Pathetic, yes, but it happens.

This topic again...

Maybe it's because jerks have larger reproductive organs.

Of course this topic has always been sticky because it's difficult to come up with a consensus of just what a jerk is.

Is it?

I think it is. Everyone makes up their own definition to suit them

Some guys seem to define it as "that guy who is dating the girl that I like".

So true!! !

Hahahahaha - well I'm sure jealousy can play it's part! For me it's someone who 'cons' a girl into loving them and then takes advantage by using her just for sex, with no interest in who they are or anything like that.

Hrmm, you think that women are too stupid to realise that they are being used for sex and are so easily conned? It takes two to f*** (at least two anyway!). Firstly, some men use women for things, some women use men for things, it is a human thing, not a gender thing. Also define "using her just for sex"? There is nothing wrong with only wanting sex and perhaps the women you see that are "used" for sex actually prefer this? I know I have been with plenty of people just for the sex and had no interest in anything like who they are! But then again I made sure they were under no illusions about my interest in them...

Well this is the dating forum, but when you get down to it, Jerk is just an emotive label. It just depends on your feelings about the word jerk and who you've chosen to label. Some people just label themselves as jerks and have a blast. Now that I think about it, some of those guys aren't even jerks, but I'd never tell them to their face.

This might be more true than you think. I remember a study, years back, that found that confidence in men correlated with genital size. Not sure if that meant penis or testes, but the theory was that they either were confident because they knew they had nothing to be ashamed about down there, or that their larger genitalia was indicative of or causing higher testosterone levels, which also tends to boost confidence.

Honestly, that might be the problem more than anything else. If there's one thing women shy away from, it's a hater, for two reasons:

1. Haters make them feel uncomfortable -- After all, if haters attack those who are winners/winning, what does that say about them if you are not complaining about them (that they are losers?), and what do you say about them when their backs are turned?

2. Haters seem weak. By hating on someone, you give them power. Instead of concentrating on yourself and your business, you're threatened by everyone else. I was in this mode once, and it was a bad period in my life that only cost me friends, and did not make me any. If someone is truly bad, yet everyone still seems to love them, either re-evaluate your own opinions and motives, or just leave them alone (assuming they aren't actively attacking you) and let them hang themselves with their own rope (by their actions).


Women of course much prefer a self-confident or just happy "jerk", rather than someone who will make them feel insecure about themselves or someone who seems to be weak and ineffectual. This is just biology at work -- women pick men whose genes seem to give the best chances for offspring.

It is much better for the men here who have issues to work day by day to improve themselves, their social skills, the number and quality of social connections they have, and their career outlook. All of these things bring women -- pouting and self-sabotaging doesn't.

To all the women who have expressed a dislike of jerks: Good for you! You deserve a pat on the back.

To me, a jerk -- or as I call him, a sadist -- does not merely punish or even kill in order to correct behavior, but genuinely seeks to make sadness and suffering a part of society's plan. In this way, the jerk is distinguished from the outcast, and in a sense could be viewed as more evil.

Why would women be attracted to these 'jerks'? There are many possible explanations of this stereotype:

1. It is a lie concocted by men in order to increase feelings of paranoia.
2. Women have been made to like 'jerks' through deliberate social and genetic selection by men who were jerks.
3. Women find 'jerks' attractive for some trait they embody, such as confidence.

One remark about (3): You can find these traits in nice people, too. In fact, someone who seems like a 'jerk' at first might really be fighting against jerks and appear aggressive, independent, and self-serving for that very reason.

I hope that women will continue to appreciate the value of their children's feelings and not give into jerks.

I don't believe in evilness. Any action any person takes is based on what that person concludes to yield the best outcome for his/her current situation based on his/her current assumptions. The assumptions are cumulations of observations, which implies that evilness is based on a lack of information.

A jerk is just "exceptionally selfish" (to put it in layman's terms) and disregards other peoples' feelings because he/she doesn't gather the particular kind of feedback that such considerations would produce. In other words, the jerk has social deficiencies that causes other people emotional suffering. He/she simply doesn't get that he/she is doing anything wrong at all, or attributes the wrong doings lesser scores than his/her selfish needs does.

EDIT: I think, to stay on topic, that women tend to go back to "jerks" due to irrational (but emotional based) beliefs that they are able to change said person.

This may not be your intent, but this statement comes across as very patronising.



What are you getting at here? This confused me.

Hmm yes, I think part of the problem is that a lot of unconfident guys seem to label all confident/popular guys as jerks, when they're really not. It's whiny, it's annoying, and it shows the sort of attitude "let me blame everyone else for my lack of success with girls".

I sound mean, but it gets really irritating after reading hundreds of the same post. Blaming other people for your problems gets you nowhere, and I know that I personally never blame other people for my problems - I rightly blame myself (although occasionally giving leeway for genetics).

Of course, as far as the "real" jerk goes (the bigoted a**hole type) - they need a serious attitude readjustment, and I strongly dislike this kind of person. And this kind of person comes in ALL types (both confident AND unconfident guys). Of course, I believe in second chances and redemption for all people, and I would try to reeducate them if I could. I would consider it my duty to society to at least give it a shot. I would never date this sort of person though. Ever.

There are some guys I know who say quite nasty things to women they like, like speculating on their promiscuity or their low intelligence (regardless of how promiscuous or intelligent these girls really are), and it's sort of made to look innocent because they do it in a tongue-in-cheek manner. It's part of how they flirt. And, lo and behold, they get dates. To be honest, in none of these cases could I detect sarcasm (unlike when I playfully tease my friends, where really the undercurrent there is that I admire and believe in them), and they don't seem to respect them very much when talking behind their back, so I doubt any of the women who fell for them had a high self-esteem.

Let it be said, though, that these guys are a minority - among the men I associate with, at least, most of which have relationship experience.

If you're just taking the "nice guy" to be Mr. Young Man With AS Who Doesn't Get Dates, there may be a bigger picture there than just "people behave like jerks to get dates". For one thing the "jerks" can flirt, and it could be that the "nice guy" in question isn't properly conveying that he finds a girl attractive. Or maybe the "jerks" wear better clothes or have better personal hygiene. Or maybe the "jerks" all happen to have accomplished something like getting good grades, good fitness or a good job. And so on.

All in all there might be something to the idea that men can be alarmingly disrespectful to women and still get dates, but the notion that the dating game all goes down to "nice guys versus jerks" is absurd. By now the fact that people here still bring it up is more interesting than the idea itself. It has the flavour of wishful thinking in the sense that it makes courtship look more clear-cut than it really is.