The Competition: On Quashing Them

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Process? Hell of a way to put trying to find love. Have you ever considered the women just aren't attracted to you, and it may have nothing to do with any tactics you're using?

Granted, I don't know of your forays into the mating game, but it sounds like you're trying to rush things for an end that I can't quite understand. Finding someone you truly fit with means them being naturally attracted to you, too, unless you're aiming for an arranged marriage. Beating out through underhanded means any competitors around you seems like a poor strategy for finding love.

Isn't it obvious? The most urgent drive for me is lust. That's not to say I'm not interested in a a longer term, fuller relationship, but lust, left unsated, has a way of becoming an all-encompassing drive that pushes everything else out of the way.

Regardless of whether anyone is attracted to me or not, I'm horny. And yes, it's a process, a tedious process, when you've been working at it for years, and it seems more like a job. How many damned profiles do I have to view, how many messages do I have to send, to get a friggin' date? Obviously a person is going to get a little impatient with that.

Just get an escort if you're that horny....that is if there is no women out there that meets your standards and value system.

You can't just expect attractive women to settle for just any guy or women to be born pleasers. Women like it or not, got their prerogatives too.

By making the others fail, you eliminate the possibility that your new mate might leave you for one of them. A woman is more likely to leave a man for an also-ran living next door than she is to leave a man for a loser living on the social equivalent of Skid Row.

Well, since I have numerous attractive qualities, they wouldn't be settling.

Also, St. Louis is really lacking in the escorts department. I'd have to go somewhere like Las Vegas, which seems to be a waste just for sex.

If this is an issue of pure desire to get off with a desired object, then I'm with Miss Construe on finding an escort, or, if that fails, there are plenty of 'open women' out there that I've met. But that said, trying to manipulate women who are looking for something entirely long term so you can use them as a sex doll really rubs me the wrong way. But to each his own, I guess.

I'm not meeting them, obviously.

^Have you tried bars?

Yes. I go alone, walk around the place for a few minutes looking for some woman/women to chat with, and then settle when I don't find someone particularly attractive to me and just start talking to some women. Usually they're in groups, seated at a table. They quickly drop that they have boyfriends/husbands/whatever, and I soon end the conversation since there's little point in continuing it. Maybe I'm going to the wrong ones or at the wrong times, but I am an aspie who's out of the social loop, after all.

Maybe you could try being a bartender instead of a bar patron.

Sorry, didn't see this post earlier. I suppose I will follow up and finish this.

You have a great personality, and that is attractive... even sexy. You are way ahead of some guys in that respect.

Being in the "friend zone" isn't a bad thing. You're basically ready to break out at any time, if that is where you are. Esp. since you're at a school where men outnumber women 4:1, you are way ahead of the game.

I think at this point, it is a matter of you finding your own individual way of sexually connecting. Finding a natural, happy smile that is right for you, and getting comfortable with it, is important for making connections. One way to start exploring your own comfort zones at making emotional connections is to use different attraction moves, like looking right in a woman's eyes and smiling naturally. Naturally comfortable eye contact is a big thing, as well as smiling happily while looking into their eyes. Visceral things like that can help AS people like myself who can be too wordy and literal and not pay attention on whether or not I'm making "emotional connection" moves (non-verbal signals). So non-verbals might be holding you back.

Other physical, non-verbal things you can do to start making your friend zone connections into emotional connections is to raise the energy physically between you. This includes techniques like the above, looking naturally and comfortably right into their eyes and smiling happily. That kind of thing raises mood and energy level. Another way to raise physical energy level is to use "pacing" and "mirroring" techniques from Neurolinguistic programming. To reinforce bonding, you get your breathing in sync with theirs, then start pacing and mirroring their movements, and other NLP techniques. You can try to raise the energy level physically of someone you are talking to, without being sexual at all, using these techniques, and if they respond, that is a good sign they are interested in you physically. Car salemen get trained in and use these NLP techniques, and there are algorithms as to when and how to use them.

Learning NLP and non-verbal physical moves help you check out how responsive the other person is to you on a physical level, by making you better able to read them. If someone is mirroring you physically, that is a great sign that they are physically attracted to you. If someone is breathing in sync with you, that is a great sign that they feel bonded with you. etc.

So this is my suggestion: if you feel that you are in the friend zone, that is great because you are way ahead. You have a great personality and you can maybe learn some of these non-verbal, physical moves in order to help you do non-verbal bonding, raise the energy level of your connection to the person, and also they will help you read the other person's responsiveness signals. If learning the non-verbal techniques doesn't solve your problem, at least they're still worth learning because they help you generally with friends, in meetings, ...and with car salesmen.

Almost everyone is in my friend zone. That just means they're friends. That includes girls and boys.

No, I'm not bi, so don't ask!

First of all, I believe guys can control themselves because I'm a guy and I can control myself just fine. We might have higher sex drives than our female counter parts (at least till they turn 30-35) but I refuse to believe that makes us raging uncontrollable horn-dogs I think most of the time it is used as an excuse, sorta like "I was drunk" and society just kinda accepts it. If you are unable to control yourself, then you need practice using self control.

As for where I get my numbers, it was from an article on MSN. The author was single and complaining about the "single tax" that at any given point 50% of the population was subject to. I quoted 40% because her #'s seemed a bit too high (not sure where she got them from) and it seemed more reasonable. I was unable to find the article, but here is the next best thing:
"Percentage of voters in the 2000 presidential election who were unmarried." (The article says 34% voters, which is about on target with the author on MSN's 50% when you include non-voters (like kids)...although the authors mistake would be that non-voters aren't really subject to the "single tax" they were writing about (in regards to home ownership / taxes).
Unmarried on 2000 Census

Anyways, hope that helps.