An online dilemma ... plz help.

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Okay, she lives a long ways away. That's obviously a concern.

Other than that, the only negative quality you've mentioned is that she's excessively fond of you. That's the worst thing you can say about her?

She hasn't met you in person. I don't know the stats for your country, but over here half of all marriages end in divorce. Of the people who don't get divorced, a lot of them are unhappy with each other, but stay together anyway. That was true before there was an internet.

People often make bad judgments even when they know each other in person. Maybe two out of three times.

Aspie traits don't show up in written communication. She might be horrified when she meets you in person. It's also possible that she won't be horrified.

That's a risk. Every time I get in a vehicle, I might get creamed by a drunk driver. I accept that risk.

I note that she's a doctor and she's living in Sudan. She could probably make more money someplace else. She might have some depth and character.

You are not getting it. Reread Anna_banana's post.

By this rationale, one could argue that they shouldn't be in any relationship because it may preclude the other person from finding someone else. I don't think LPP has done anything wrong or created the scenario (reacting to 'if he keeps this up'), but I think it ultimately comes down to choice. She is admittedly interested in him; it took eight years, but distance is no longer an obstacle (or becoming a non-issue with the move) between me and the woman I love. If he is disinterested or disinclined in allowing something to evolve - whether into romance, back to friendship, or things disappear completely - then he should find some explicit closure... but if it is due to probability, due to the assumption that challenges and questions mean imminent failure, the he is holding back... then I think that further thought would be appropriate.


M.

Another thing is... I wondered which African country she was in because when I used to chat on Yahoo Chat there were a lot of ladies in Africa, specifically West Africa. They tended to be pretty friendly but eventually ask for money, an extension of the dating and other financial scams that often originate from that part of the world. That's West Africa, mind you, I don't know about the Sudan.

^^ We added each others on msn through an online local forum, she is an active member there and very involved in this online community (she was moderator) for about 3 years, so she can't be a scammer or troller. I didn't met her in a chatroom.

sudan is in east africa on the horn. If she asks him to do some financial dealings I'm sure he wouldn't fall for it.

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 28 Dec 2008, 7:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Huckleberry Finn: You done missed the point, Jim. You done missed it by a mile.

Jim: Blame de points. I knows sense when I sees it, and there ain't no sense in doings such as that.

--Mark Twain


Suppose you were really interested in some female. Not just a little interested, really interested.

So she tells you that you and her shouldn't have much to do with each other because... are you ready for this... because she doesn't want you to waste your time.

No other reason, she just doesn't want you to waste your time.

Your reaction would be...

another twist; from what's going in in Sudan, she may be looking to get a guy to get her out (though, being a typical American, it sounds like going from Sudan to Lebannon is like going from the frying pan into the fire, though the way the news works, each country only hears the worst about the others... by marriage.

Still, why not just meet? Somewhere neutral, have a chat, no plans, no pressure; then you go your seperate ways if you like.

I actually met the missus in a chat (don't ask where... and we wound up getting married. Doubt it will go that far, but there's nothing wrong in having friends. If it develops into something more, it would take a meet-up to figure it out. There's only so much you can do online.

I know taking things literally is a part of the disorder, but you're complately misunderstanding it and reading it out of context.

not that I care, LPP already knows what he's going to do, and your putting him in a different story just to prove your point on an Internet forum is not going to change much.

whatever.

If it's quasi-impossible to meet each others then my reaction would be total understanding , I would be sad and upset for a while ,but I would totally understand her reason.

I was used to love a Druze girl and her religion doesn't allow in any shape or form any kind of relationship with a non-Druze and her parents were pretty religious. As you can't covert to Druze and there's no civil marriage in Lebanon so there's no way for it.
What happened? She told there's no other way and the whole matter would be total waste of time.

She was right as if I witnessed later a couple in such situation who were attempting for years to get a normal relationship...and it ended up badly ,very badly.

Well, well, well, speaking of things that aren't a new experience for an aspie, getting dismissed for being stupid is definitely on that list.

Maybe some day I'll achieve your depth and wisdom.

But I guess I have given people reason to think I'm excessively literal and structured in my thinking. Maybe it was the story about the desert mermaid getting attacked by a dragon in a Barnes and Nobel.

At least it's a change of pace. Instead of Prince talking about how difficult intimacy is to find, now he's talking about how difficult it is to avoid.