I really need

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Well I've been thinking lately that he might be prideful so the more I ask and tell him I am unsatisfied, the more his pride is hurt so he doesn't want to do anything. So I am currently trying a 30-day program where I am not allowed to critisize him and I spend more time looking for positives and complimenting him on them. The idea is that if I act more positively, he will feel better about me and our relationship will improve. I've been blogging it daily on my WP blog.

I still kind of feel like its a lost cause because it's just not important to him but I'm giving it a shot.

If things don't improve, I'm not sure.
I have several other issues with him as well.
I don't beleive in divorce, but I keep reaching the end of my rope.. but giving him a little more anyway. I think I may just snap at some point.


Sorry for whining. You asked.

I am wondering if talking about it on here counts as critisizing him?

I don't think its really critisizing. Your just telling/saying how it is. And there's always a chance someone else can be in a similar situation, or have been through it. And they could offer some good advice. I've never been married though. And i'm not quite sure what i'd do in your situation, i'm not one to quit.

I'm sure there's some way you put put the spark back into things. With fantasies etc. I dunno, just try and error I guess. Its difficult to understand though. I'll have my wife in the bedroom constantly, she'll only leave to go to the kitchen joke. But yeah, sex or making love is all part of the relationship, maybe not the most important thing for all couples, but while we're young, I think it should be.

I don't know. There's no spark to put back. We've been married for 9 months. This is how its always been.
I tried dressing sexy once.. got turned down. I've been turned down so many times I've stopped asking.
I don't know.

Mithara, this is sad. You are beautiful and I can't imagine anyone not wanting to make love to you.

Something you wrote caught my eye, and may be putting a damper on things:

I'm thinking asexual. I know he's not gay. Not too interested in women either tho. He just kind of doesn't care much.
I knew he didn't check out chicks much or watch porn or anything like that but I thought he was .. like.. respectful I guess. We waited until we were married to do ... stuff but there was issues about 'drive' about wanting to make out and stuff but he always said it was because he was trying to hold back because he didn't want to lose control since we were trying to wait. He promised that it would be better once we were married and he could relax. I think the other relationship issues do have quite a bit to do with it as well but still. It's just not a prority to him. I tried to explain that it's someting I need and he said that he had never thought of it as a "need" before.

PS thanks for the compliments, Shadow. Like I said, yeah the other issues do have a lot to do with it. I don't even really like him very much anymore. But at least I have human desires.

Yeah, he could be. Well, it sounds like he kind of lead you on. And if there's other problems too, you could be fighting a losing battle. Have you thought about threatening to leave, and see if that changes his ways?

I 'threaten' to leave about ... every other month. It's not really a threat, though, its because I'm really thinking about doing it. I keep giving him more chances... because I'm a easily dominated person. I don't have much guts.

Anyway this is all my side. I'm probaby just too much of a b***h so that's why he doesn't want to touch me or something. Whatevah. Like I said, I'm trying to be nicer and I hope that helps but it doesn't seem to me like it will change his views of intimacy. He's just got much less drive and much less 'kinkiness' than me. I'm the christian woman you spoke about in your question in the adult forum only the lie was not the size. I don't want to leave him because of my beleifs but I'm not sure how I can ever be happy this way.

I know there are plenty of people out there in unhappy marriages and they survive. So I need to figure out how to do it. But I'm honestly not sure I can. I'm about this close to going out and finding a stranger to fool around with.

I don't think your a b***h. You've just been handed a difficult situation. Oh right, yeah I kind of realise that now, it wasn't aimed at you, but sorry anyway.

Hmm, well I don't know, he doesn't seem to be putting much effort in from his side. But I wouldn't just go and find some stranger. Then you would just end up feeling terrible guilt. Its something you need to think over and make a decision. You can't really go your whole life feeling like this. Was you bought up to be a Christian or did you make that choice yourself?

Yeah I wouldn't really find a stranger anyway. That seems so hollow. I just feel like it sometimes. But I wouldn't.

I was raised to be a Christian, but I still choose to follow it myself. I'm hundreds (if not thousands? she may have moved..) of miles away from my parents so I could do whatever I want now. I believe its the right thing to do. So I guess that means I have to stick it out. I guess I will live. No one really said I have to be happy about it, just that I have to do the right thing

Of course it sounds like there's not much effort on his side. I'm the one telling the story! I'm sure if you asked him he would say that he always tries and tries to make things work but I am never happy.

people are selfish, sadly

Aren't you the one who got a gf here? the girl who was trying not to be insensitive?

Well....try to date her again.