NT woman at her wit's end with her male Aspie friend

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Sorry, double post.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 01 Feb 2009, 4:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

Truth hurts jerky boy?

Was I somehow included in this?

I can sympathize with this. I think people are way too quick to apply labels. I first started to read about AS because I felt a psychologist was doing exactly that to a nephew of mine. As an aside, my nephew is, at most, mildly AS. I, on the other hand...

Part of the problem is that unless there is some sort of sorting mechanism, odds are small that one AS will ever meet another and know they share something. So it is pretty easy to think that you are totally unique and no one is even close to what you are. Hence the aversion to labels.

However, hanging around this site has convinced me there are others who have gone through exactly the same sort of stuff that I have. I only wish I had known about this decades ago.

Yes I agree magnus. They are variable just like NT's and no different because we get to realise this in the comments they make.
I think generally aspies are very honest or straight to the point so this truth comes out.

But... that's a perfectly good waste of an opponent for Mario Kart!

I don't expect you to be honest here. Aspie guys really believe they are god's gift to women simply because the tv told them so.[/quote]
Where did I say that? Last I checked the only statement I was making about women was that they don't like me...

It doesn't have to. If you want to call women when you need them, and dump them when you don't, that's what escorts are for. With them, there is no manipulation or deceit, just straightforward honesty, and most don't want clients calling them unless they want to arrange a meeting. (Hey, escorts aren't the same as hot porno chicks, so you can't accuse me of that.) But I agree, it's bad to manipulate women; they have feelings too. Now I'm not saying all aspies are perfect, but using this site as way of attacking them is just wrong.

And I know Magnus is going rag me about this escort thing. So here's the truth: yes, I used an escort service, because of my low social skills and bad looks. Can't really use it against me once I said it myself. And I'm sure you'll say that I'll never get a woman unless I pay for it, so feel free.

I'm not a saint, and don't intend to be. But let's keep this in perspective. We've had a lot of threads spinning out of control lately, because of altercations between members and/or trolling.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 01 Feb 2009, 11:21 am, edited 2 times in total.

Also, many of his AS-type traits are most likely what have made my friend so successful, professionally that is. If we only know one way of doing things, we aren't going to want to accept a diagnosis that could suggest we aren't "acceptable," especially if one has had to fight to maintain their individuality whether it is comfortable or not.

I can't speak for him. I have spent a lot of my life trying to figure out why I have so much trouble dealing with others. I have chased a solution for decades. Finding out about AS shows me there isn't a solution, it is just the way it is. So now I am free to focus on coping and not trying to find a fix. That has greatly simplified my life.

This certainly makes sense. I had a (somewhat) similar experience once I learnt I suffered from an anxiety disorder and that there were ways to deal with it. Before that, I just knew I wasn't as successful as I could be.

Based on what you and others have said here, the attitude about the topic of AS, or any other trait/ combination of traits, certainly depends upon whether one feels they are suffering.

You are really trying to understand him, great respect.
There might still be hope for NTs in my world.

As for his bad behavior before, that might have been a way to see if you were serious, friends who withdraw when that side comes up are labeled "users" and are then cut off.

And never underestimate the suspicioun we have against others. It most often comes from a lifetime of bad experiences. So when somebody changes behaviour we must:
1. Figure out why.
2. Analyse this new behaviour and find a responce.
The most common change of behaviour is that they(/"you") want something from us, when they get it they change back, to us (someone might have a different opinion here), that is to lie.
This applys at work too, it's (most likely) not something that has passed.

Don't forget to give explonations too, if he talks too much and/or too fast about one subjekt, don't just say that he should be quiet, explain that he's going on too fast and that you are not all that into the subject. The more info you can give him directly, the less he needs to think and the less he needs to think, the less wrong it becomes.

Peace be with you both.

it is like they say, it is only a disorder if it negatively impacts your life.

Here is something you should understand. People with AS are very prone to depression and anxiety disorders. Those two took control of my life the year before last and it took some months to recover. When I think back on it, the anxiety was always there, just waiting for the right moment...

Certainly some of his behavior that you have described could be anxiety related. His snarkiness, for example, could be a not so good of a way to push others back when anxiety is a problem.

Of course, he could just be basically a jerk. But I think that would show in other ways, too.

I have compassion for people with AS and autism. Both men, women and children.

Aeroz, I got the chance!

His brought up his ex last night while we were hanging out. I was kind of annoyed because, as I've said here before, I'm bothered by the fact that he won't or can't tell me what he wants from us and the last thing I want to hear about is an ex that he wanted as a GF and with whom he actively stays in touch. So, as Aeroz suggested, I asked about how he met her and how they became a couple. He didn't go into detail but in a nutshell it seems they were friends/ acquaintances for a few years and then "something changed" (his words) after a social event "she insisted" (again, his words) he attend with her.

The conversation was calm but inside I was upset. I wanted to say one more thing and then let the subject drop: I said that I was under the impression that if she had not moved away, they would still be together or at least he seems to feel that way. And that's true, I've always kind of felt he is not over her.

He replied that mine was an interesting impression. Then, since the talk was obviously about relationships and awfully close to becoming a discussion about "us," he said, "I'm not understanding this." I wasn't interested in discussing it any further anyway. I changed the subject.

I'm happy with how that went. I got a little bit of information and also offered some that I've wanted him to know but had yet to have an opportunity. I think the pitch was just right: I didn't let my emotions get involved (which was remarkably difficult, I'm surprised at how much The Ex bothers me), I managed to have a conversation about a very sensitive topic without him getting frustrated, and we both dropped the subject before either party became defensive or fatigued. *And* he stayed for at least three more hours so obviously that part of our talk wasn't too much for him, or me.

Last edited by RecentlyBookmarked on 02 Feb 2009, 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When I split up with my boyfriend even though he was NT and I wasn't - he thought I was bipolar and weird sometimes.

So obvisously he didn't understand me. Anyway, he got with an NT girlfriend. I was so jealous, a little He replied, "I still can't stop thinking about you." Happy! with a pissed off look on his face because he knew I wasn't taking him back. Like his friends said, "It is your own fault - you f****d up" to him. Sometimes, I see him in the mall and he looks my way. I look the other way.

He might have been NT but I was way better than him. I could do better and he knew it. I still like him. I just pretend I don't because he was violent.