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Do you have similar problems?
Yes! 15%  15%  [ 2 ]
No! 85%  85%  [ 11 ]
Total votes : 13

Hector
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26 Jan 2009, 5:26 pm

As has been said, what's going on is a misunderstanding of the terms that you set. Especially inexperienced guys, who are quite commonly found at your age, may think they're about to have a girlfriend. If you're interested in a more casual arrangement such as friends with benefits or an open relationship then make that clear almost from the start.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who insisted on a casual relationship, but don't take that too personally; I just don't think I could handle going out with someone without the understanding that I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure many others feel similarly, so expect some guys to take the realisation (that you're not interested or ready for a relationship) better than others.

Breaking up over text is taboo. Don't do it, period.



beef_bourito
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26 Jan 2009, 5:31 pm

Hector wrote:
Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who insisted on a casual relationship, but don't take that too personally; I just don't think I could handle going out with someone without the understanding that I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure many others feel similarly, so expect some guys to take the realisation (that you're not interested or ready for a relationship) better than others.

yeah, that's more common that most people think. with me it really depends on the girl. if i'm not interested in a relationship with the girl it's really easy to handle, if i had a crush on the girl it would be more difficult to be casual and i might not be able to do it. i've never been in that situation (wanting a relationship with a girl but her just wanting sex) so i don't know how i would handle it.



rennabella
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26 Jan 2009, 5:32 pm

beef_bourito wrote:
rennabella wrote:
Well that sounds like a good way to go about it. I'll try and subtly bring up relationships and say it. Admittedly I did try that the other time, but I think I stated it too explicitly and not at the right moment. ^^;;

Haha, I deleted the quote from last time and I shall remember to do that from now on! ^_^

That is really a bit of a nightmare for you :( Ah well, you can't be expected to do amazingly in that sort of condition!

i think you can go about it a bit better than to sleep with the guy and then say it afterwards, if he really was looking for a relationship then he might be a bit hurt. it gets easier in university since people sleep around more freely and it's not looked down upon as much as it is in high school (at least for girls), at lest when i was in high school girls who slept around at all were considered sluts, not sure how it is where you are. it shouldn't be too hard to find a guy who's willing to have a "no strings attached" casual relationship, just make sure he knows that's what he's getting into first so you don't come out looking like the bad guy (or girl) because he thought there was more to it.

as for the race, it was our annual race against our rival university in the same city. we row out of the same club, have the same coaches, and share the same equipment, hell we even share rowers sometimes (i felt so dirty wearing that Ottawa University shirt at trent this year) so it's not a very important competition. almost the same thing happened this year, funny story but i don't really want to hijack the thread, PM me if you want to hear it.


yeah, i think i should think things through slightly :)
no, i think it would be like that if i ever did anything through school.
however all the parties i go to are not with people from my school.
no, i doubt it will be difficult a l'avenir :)

haha feel free to tell the story! :)
sounds pretty casual ^^



Kangoogle
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26 Jan 2009, 5:35 pm

rennabella wrote:
Quote:
Maths now, which is a really good dept :D Look up the top trumps group on facebook, hilarious.


The Maths lecturer top trumps group??

That is actually amazing. Are you going to get the cards?? I defo would. :)

Haha Natural Sciences sounds like a good option if you can chop and change. I should have applied for it, doh! ^_^

Its a brilliant course, though you might be able to switch to a similar course at your uni. Phone them up and ask them.

Nah, I never bought the cards. They found out it costs way too much, like £12 a pack or something.



rennabella
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26 Jan 2009, 5:37 pm

Hector wrote:
As has been said, what's going on is a misunderstanding of the terms that you set. Especially inexperienced guys, who are quite commonly found at your age, may think they're about to have a girlfriend. If you're interested in a more casual arrangement such as friends with benefits or an open relationship then make that clear almost from the start.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who insisted on a casual relationship, but don't take that too personally; I just don't think I could handle going out with someone without the understanding that I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure many others feel similarly, so expect some guys to take the realisation (that you're not interested or ready for a relationship) better than others.

Breaking up over text is taboo. Don't do it, period.


Okay, I will make sure I do that in the future instead of being silly and just just assuming they don't mind! ^_^

Oh right, yeah I think I understand. I mean I get why some people would like to be in a monogamous relationship, but for me it is kind of like... being in a sweet shop and only being allowed to eat sherbert lemons (which are so yummy btw!).

Yup, won't make the same mistake.
Is breaking up over facebook okay?



Hector
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26 Jan 2009, 5:37 pm

beef_bourito wrote:
Hector wrote:
Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who insisted on a casual relationship, but don't take that too personally; I just don't think I could handle going out with someone without the understanding that I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure many others feel similarly, so expect some guys to take the realisation (that you're not interested or ready for a relationship) better than others.

yeah, that's more common that most people think. with me it really depends on the girl. if i'm not interested in a relationship with the girl it's really easy to handle, if i had a crush on the girl it would be more difficult to be casual and i might not be able to do it. i've never been in that situation (wanting a relationship with a girl but her just wanting sex) so i don't know how i would handle it.

Furthermore I have a concern, especially since I'm sexually inexperienced, that I'd grow very attached to whoever wants to have me. That aside, I'm also concerned about the other party getting jealous should I get a girlfriend. There are plenty of ways in which it could get unpleasant, as I see it.



Hector
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26 Jan 2009, 5:38 pm

rennabella wrote:
Hector wrote:
As has been said, what's going on is a misunderstanding of the terms that you set. Especially inexperienced guys, who are quite commonly found at your age, may think they're about to have a girlfriend. If you're interested in a more casual arrangement such as friends with benefits or an open relationship then make that clear almost from the start.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who insisted on a casual relationship, but don't take that too personally; I just don't think I could handle going out with someone without the understanding that I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure many others feel similarly, so expect some guys to take the realisation (that you're not interested or ready for a relationship) better than others.

Breaking up over text is taboo. Don't do it, period.


Okay, I will make sure I do that in the future instead of being silly and just just assuming they don't mind! ^_^

Oh right, yeah I think I understand. I mean I get why some people would like to be in a monogamous relationship, but for me it is kind of like... being in a sweet shop and only being allowed to eat sherbert lemons (which are so yummy btw!).

Yup, won't make the same mistake.
Is breaking up over facebook okay?

In person is the only really honourable thing to do. Over the phone is less honourable, but still forgivable.



Kangoogle
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26 Jan 2009, 5:39 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Kanoogle, can you learn to edit your quotes?

Is there a way to auto do it?



rennabella
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26 Jan 2009, 5:41 pm

Kangoogle wrote:
Its a brilliant course, though you might be able to switch to a similar course at your uni. Phone them up and ask them.

Nah, I never bought the cards. They found out it costs way too much, like £12 a pack or something.


I don't think that they do :( But the Physics department looks really nice though ^_^

Aw, that's really lame. I would have asked a friend to get them for my birthday or something, cos they are just too cool!!



rennabella
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26 Jan 2009, 5:46 pm

Hector wrote:
beef_bourito wrote:
Hector wrote:
Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with the idea of dating someone who insisted on a casual relationship, but don't take that too personally; I just don't think I could handle going out with someone without the understanding that I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sure many others feel similarly, so expect some guys to take the realisation (that you're not interested or ready for a relationship) better than others.

yeah, that's more common that most people think. with me it really depends on the girl. if i'm not interested in a relationship with the girl it's really easy to handle, if i had a crush on the girl it would be more difficult to be casual and i might not be able to do it. i've never been in that situation (wanting a relationship with a girl but her just wanting sex) so i don't know how i would handle it.

Furthermore I have a concern, especially since I'm sexually inexperienced, that I'd grow very attached to whoever wants to have me. That aside, I'm also concerned about the other party getting jealous should I get a girlfriend. There are plenty of ways in which it could get unpleasant, as I see it.


I do see a lot of possible problems. However I just prefer to ignore them ^_^



ToadOfSteel
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26 Jan 2009, 5:54 pm

Kangoogle wrote:
Is there a way to auto do it?


Unfortunately, no... but it's quite easy to highlight some text and hit delete... at least until you get to a dozen stacked quotes...



beef_bourito
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26 Jan 2009, 5:54 pm

Hector wrote:
rennabella wrote:
Is breaking up over facebook okay?

In person is the only really honourable thing to do. Over the phone is less honourable, but still forgivable.

you really should break up in person unless there's some reason you can't see them in person, like if you're in another country or something. barring that, you should always do it in person, it's just the polite and accepted way of doing it.



Kangoogle
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26 Jan 2009, 5:56 pm

rennabella wrote:
Kangoogle wrote:
Its a brilliant course, though you might be able to switch to a similar course at your uni. Phone them up and ask them.

Nah, I never bought the cards. They found out it costs way too much, like £12 a pack or something.


I don't think that they do :( But the Physics department looks really nice though ^_^

Aw, that's really lame. I would have asked a friend to get them for my birthday or something, cos they are just too cool!!

If you were on the Durham network I would be able to show you their top trumps. Plus that part of the department students nearly never go in. A PhD in the dept might be better I think..



rennabella
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26 Jan 2009, 6:15 pm

Kangoogle wrote:
If you were on the Durham network I would be able to show you their top trumps. Plus that part of the department students nearly never go in. A PhD in the dept might be better I think..


Aw lame, sadly I'm not a member of Durham uni, :(
But the idea is still definitely a winner! ^_^



Kangoogle
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26 Jan 2009, 6:24 pm

rennabella wrote:
Kangoogle wrote:
If you were on the Durham network I would be able to show you their top trumps. Plus that part of the department students nearly never go in. A PhD in the dept might be better I think..


Aw lame, sadly I'm not a member of Durham uni, :(
But the idea is still definitely a winner! ^_^

You should do one for your uni, if it does not exist. Politics needs one coming to think of it.