SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL FLIRTING by GroovyDruid

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Then I suggest you go get those books I recommened at the end of the article. They are cheap, and it will be the best money you ever spent, believe me. I simply can't go through all the information in this limited format.

Yes, I understand....

Every situation is different. Hard to formuate rules or steps for this one. You know what I would recommend? Watching romantic movies. Pay attention to the "first kiss" scenes. They actually do a good job of portraying women's expectations there. (In fact, they kind of FORMULATE women's expectations, in a way.)

You'll make some mistakes, but keep a light heart and be ready to laugh at yourself and enjoy it. Pulling off the first kiss gets easier and easier with practice. And don't worry about screwing up. The kiss part is much easier than all the manuevering leading up to it.

Same deal, Groovy. You're giving them an example that most don't/won't experience. It's all fine and well to say it's just an example, it's the ideas they should take from it. But there's one thing you should know about Aspies: If they aren't given a how-to guide on a situation by situation basis, most will fail, and then most of them won't pick themselves back up and try again. Personally, I just think you're giving them false hope. Do this this and this and you'll succeed. Truth is, there's too many variables for them to keep track of in their heads. They shouldn't be learning by formulas, they should learn by imitation.


True, you have outlined some of the principles, but you're forgetting something. Each woman is an individual, she will like different types of men, respond to different approaches, have a different personality. Just because she holds your gaze doesn't tell you what approach to use, or what pushes her buttons. There are a lot more clues for you to read, not to mention different methods of approach. The method of approach really is the big deal.

Well I got myself a lunch date for tomorrow. She has been talking about having lunch for some time now and she's the one who touched me on the chest once, as well on on the arm. This could be interesting. She's hot too.

I'm unwilling to reply to the contents of your post. I find your tone condescending.

I'll tell you this, though: I put in a lot of hard work to research and publish articles on kinesics to help my aspie brethren raise their standard of life. I don't get paid a cent. Heck, I don't even get it published under my real name. I do it because I've found ONE thing I think can really help.

And you know what? It has. I've gotten more PMs than I can count from aspies telling me how much they've enjoyed using the material in the articles. I've had THOUSANDS of reads on the articles. I've had guys and gals tell me they've gotten dates using these techniques to express their true feelings and to read the feelings of others. False hope? I don't think so.

So here's a solution for the both of us:

Stop reading my articles. PLEASE stop reading my articles.

You don't have to read the info if you don't find it useful. Meanwhile, others do, so let them have their success.

Awesome, ELLCIM. That's courage!

Remember your small-talk technique, and have a great time!

Javid... have you tried speaking with the staff and having them order the book for you? I just received a book from my library that they got loaned from another library. They are usually very willing to do intralibrary loans like that. It is worth checking on.

She had to cancel for tomorrow unfortunately due to a sudden family situation that arose. She was really apologetic and was willing to look at a time next week. So I'm cool with that.

Good! Keep your cool. Aspies have a tendency to come across as over eager/stalker-ish. If you're cool and reschedule with ease, then you seem that much more desireable.

Excellent idea.

Certain books the library may not have. I'd be surprised if they have The System, by Roy Valentine. It's not really a "decent" book (you can read my review of this book on my blog)/column). It's only $12 on Amazon, though, and if you can spare it, it's worth buying any one of those I recommended. They're tops, and you'll probably want to refer to them again.

Are you sure it was a "sudden familiy situation" or maybe she just got cold feet going out?

Nope, those were just my words - it was a case of her sister decided to come to town on the train and since she doesn't have a car she needs someone to drive her around today for various errands. My time is tight on Wednesdays so I couldn't fit in for today. This is a valid explanation - I didn't detect my friend was hiding anything. If a girl isn't interested they usually have a very vague excuse.

In any case, it is important to give the girl the benefit of the doubt and be cool about it.

I guess my question is, where would you suggest one goes to learn their kinesics? Did you get books on it through amazon? Like this one? http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159257 ... e&n=283155
Any ideas on how we can figure out which books are the best? Amazon user reviews aren't usually all that accurate

Or would you suggest one takes a course like this one? http://www.dalecarnegie.com/about_us/about_us.jsp
Dad told me it'd be a good idea for me to take it... I told him I was already pretty good at the stiff business-like conversation, it was being relaxed and casual that I sucked at. He said that it wasn't all about business and could apply to the social world pretty well... any thoughts on organizations like that?

I got some of my books through Amazon.com.

I don't know whether you saw, but at the end of each of my articles, I noted several books I recommned that deal with kinesics. They are all great ones to start with. They aren't very expensive, either.

I've never taken the Dale Carnegie course, though I've read his books. It might be helpful, it might not. I wouldn't start there, or you'll be a bit confused, though. He doesn't deal with body language per se. He deals more with social grace and personal motivation. Such things don't really count unless one can speak the language...

Let me know if you want other recommendations. Feel free to PM me.

PS. I looked at this book. It appears to be a decent primer, though I've never read it myself. I suspect it would work pretty well.

Hmm, that one actually got a bunch of bad reviews... and most of the ones you mentioned weren't listed on Amazon (or to be honest, looked 'sketchy'/'hokey' IMO) I'll probably try to just browse in a bookstore and use my best judgement....

I guess my only major critique on your guide is that you just skim over the fluff talk which is sort of what I was most interested in advice on. I mean even simple questions asked to me like "what do you do for fun?", I'm always afraid I'm answering kind of weakly. The appropriate answer I believe is along the lines of "hanging out with friends, drinking/smoking weed, cars, sports, going clubbing, etc etc" and when I can't say that sort of thing honestly, I'm reminded that there's this whole range of activity that NTs take for granted that I don't have and I begin to fear that they see through the facade which throws me off...

My first reaction is to answer "nothing" which is obviously not right. Sometimes I'll answer things like "music" or "movies" which are true but seem like pretty weak answers to me. Even when I am going through a phase where I have friends that I drink with semi-regularly, it seems like a sort of half-lie for me to answer 'hanging with friends' because I am such a wall-flower in those situations...

So I think a guide going more into specifics about small talk would be very helpful because not knowing beforehand how to deal properly with questions like that seems to throw my whole game off.... I'll spend the rest of the evening second-guessing myself, wondering if they see through my facade, how abnormal my personality seems to them, etc etc