Why do women fall in love with men who don't respect them?

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sunshower
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25 May 2009, 3:16 am

I've actually read about it in my psychology book. They've done studies on it and everything. THERE IS A REASON. Pretty much, when a person suffers depression and has a negative view of themselves (a.k.a. low self esteem), they get attracted to other people who also have a negative view of them (because they feel like that other person is seeing them as they are, thus "understanding" them I guess...).

I have struggled with low self esteem myself for a long time (although I've never dated anyone who's treated me badly), and I actually understand how this could work. The thing is, if a guy compliments me (especially big compliments) it often makes me feel really uneasy and uncomfortable because I can't believe the compliment to be true, as though they're making up stuff to flatter me, so sometimes the feeling I get can actually be negative instead of positive.

I think it's a really serious psychological problem, and the people who suffer from it should never be called "stupid" or judged or labeled. They need help, and they are suffering from thoughts and feelings they can't control. They don't want to be the way they are. I have a friend whose boyfriend treats her like s**t, even has hit her, and she just can't bring herself to leave him even though she logically knows he's bad for her. I think, inside, she genuinely feels she doesn't deserve better. It's like judging people with AS for accidentally offending other people due to our poor social skills and inability to read body language.


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belle_enigma
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25 May 2009, 10:21 am

sunshower wrote:
I've actually read about it in my psychology book. They've done studies on it and everything. THERE IS A REASON. Pretty much, when a person suffers depression and has a negative view of themselves (a.k.a. low self esteem), they get attracted to other people who also have a negative view of them (because they feel like that other person is seeing them as they are, thus "understanding" them I guess...).

I have struggled with low self esteem myself for a long time (although I've never dated anyone who's treated me badly), and I actually understand how this could work. The thing is, if a guy compliments me (especially big compliments) it often makes me feel really uneasy and uncomfortable because I can't believe the compliment to be true, as though they're making up stuff to flatter me, so sometimes the feeling I get can actually be negative instead of positive.

I think it's a really serious psychological problem, and the people who suffer from it should never be called "stupid" or judged or labeled. They need help, and they are suffering from thoughts and feelings they can't control. They don't want to be the way they are. I have a friend whose boyfriend treats her like sh**, even has hit her, and she just can't bring herself to leave him even though she logically knows he's bad for her. I think, inside, she genuinely feels she doesn't deserve better. It's like judging people with AS for accidentally offending other people due to our poor social skills and inability to read body language.


Hmm... now that you explain it, seems plausible. It just makes me angry that whatever I say to my friends they still let guys treat them like crap and I guess I just can't relate. How are you supposed to help someone like that? I mean I've been depressed, I have low self-esteem, but it's a different kind I suppose, because deep down I still feel like I deserve better. So I'm a totally different kind of creature. lol



sunshower
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25 May 2009, 5:32 pm

belle_enigma wrote:
How are you supposed to help someone like that?


That's the big question, and the big problem. More research needs to be done to find a way.


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25 May 2009, 11:49 pm

sunshower wrote:
I've actually read about it in my psychology book. They've done studies on it and everything. THERE IS A REASON. Pretty much, when a person suffers depression and has a negative view of themselves (a.k.a. low self esteem), they get attracted to other people who also have a negative view of them (because they feel like that other person is seeing them as they are, thus "understanding" them I guess...).

I have struggled with low self esteem myself for a long time (although I've never dated anyone who's treated me badly), and I actually understand how this could work. The thing is, if a guy compliments me (especially big compliments) it often makes me feel really uneasy and uncomfortable because I can't believe the compliment to be true, as though they're making up stuff to flatter me, so sometimes the feeling I get can actually be negative instead of positive.

I think it's a really serious psychological problem, and the people who suffer from it should never be called "stupid" or judged or labeled. They need help, and they are suffering from thoughts and feelings they can't control. They don't want to be the way they are. I have a friend whose boyfriend treats her like sh**, even has hit her, and she just can't bring herself to leave him even though she logically knows he's bad for her. I think, inside, she genuinely feels she doesn't deserve better. It's like judging people with AS for accidentally offending other people due to our poor social skills and inability to read body language.


It makes me uncomfortable when girls compliment me as well. I can pretty much tell when they are being truthful about it or not now, but it still makes me uneasy sometimes, because I still haven't gotten used to people being genuinely nice to me.

There are lot's of reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. One reason is fear. It's not always that they are afraid of the other person, but sometimes they are afraid of being alone, and/or they think they can't find anyone else, because of self-esteem issues.



jemir1234
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26 May 2009, 11:32 am

But Whose problem is that?



Tim_Tex
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26 May 2009, 2:01 pm

jawbrodt wrote:
Personally, I don't think it's love. I think it's lust, insecurity, social status, etc...... :chin:


I would have to agree with you on that.



jemir1234
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26 May 2009, 2:04 pm

But whose problem is that?