"Just be friendly."

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[\quote] Basically everything. It means you bought the view that you need to act NT to get a fulfilling romantic relationship, and such an approach will lead to failure if we have a bit higher standards about "winners" than just finding somebody that wants to date you. OTOH, social skills are useful in the job market, and in many other areas, just not in the relationship area.[/quote]

It’s really not about trying to “act NT.” It’s about learning the give and take in conversations, learning how to express interest, feelings, and support for a partner, and how to engage in a respectful conversation without fighting. It takes practice to figure some of this stuff out.

Some of this is vitally important for a successful relationship. Without reasonable social skills, a woman isn’t going to know the depth of one’s interest or whether someone is actually interested in her at all.

It’s not “giving in” to work on social skills. It doesn’t make us any less quirky or interesting.

Yeah, I don't know where you got anything about his special interests from out of any of my posts at all lol. He has a job he goes to every day and he has doctor's appointments related to his diabetes. His lack of time management often prevents him from getting to his appointments on time, which could place his health at risk, which he also understands, so it's pretty important that I have the role of being the timekeeper.

It’s really weird how some people believe that learning to get along with others is somehow “giving in” or an act of personal betrayal. It’s even stranger how trying to get along with people is considered evil simply because it’s something that neurotypicals and bullies easily do, as if behaving nicely would somehow justify their abusive behavior.

Come to think of it, that is worse than weird... it’s just plain stupid.

Learning social skills doesn't mean anything if you just can't fit in no matter what you do. I had to stop going to a Meet Up group because I didn't drink despite how it was supposed to be a group for nerdy or geeky people. I haven't even tried to look into other groups because I know I won't fit in since I don't drink until I vomit.

I am going to request this thread to be locked. I am sick of getting pushed to the wayside and I don't want people like Luhluhluh telling me they don't want me to have a girlfriend.

Nope, it just shows you have sub-optimal expectations about what a relationship can offer. Something I had too, until quite recently.

For instance, you would be able to exchange emotions mind-to-mind with an optimal partner. You would be able to support him without having conversations.



That's a really dangerous view. The more you learn and adapt to showing interest that NTs understand, the more NTs will become interested, and you would actually actively select out any NDs that also try to adapt because they would do it worse. NDs have very specific ways to show interest that both can be used to detect interest and to select out NTs. If you ignore those in favor of NT ways, you will be very likely to end up in sub-optimal relationships.



I'm not much concerned about quirkiness as I'm about finding a compatible partner.

How can you know what all someone is thinking or feeling without conversing? Conversation is often necessary to offer adequate support to someone.

I haven’t seen the post in this thread where she has said that.

He can't. This guy believes he can communicate telepathically. He's got more going on than just autism. I would love to have a conversation with his wife. Would probably be eyeopening.

In general, learning how to get along with others is necessary and not a personal betrayal. It only becomes a betrayal if it occurs at the expense of your own wishes and preferences. It also takes a lot of effort & energy to always be able to read social situations correctly, something that is highly unwanted in the relationship area. A relationship should be a source of energy, not a drain as it will become if it is based on social role-playing.