My gf seems to be bothered that I am 'white and privileged'.

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I am glad I do not share your concept of reality.

Exactly what concept do you believe that is? Photos lacking context don’t give me enough to form a reasonable opinion on anything. An apparent embryo could literally be any species. And I don’t see what difference it makes to stage a photo of, idk, an impoverished, malnourished human child I’m supposed to feel pity for (I guess?) when, really, all human life from the wealthiest to the poorest, from the newly conceived to those nearing their last heartbeat, are image-bearers of God and should be treated as such. The meme gives me nothing to go on, so what sense does it make for me to allow myself to be emotionally manipulated by it?

Observing your mind wonders with the doubts that have been building, the grass is greener on the other side. It's just how it is, it'll always be.

Depends very much on how you work internally, how hopeful and experienced and malleable you are.

If you're able to work out attraction and have a good hope factor for the future chances are you won't leave it midway and will be able to work it out. Most people weigh comparables and see what they can work through and if they are able to put up with the downsides relatively healthily. On the first date it's ideal to know everything, as much essential things as you possibly can but many many people oversell themselves and some undersell. The better someone seems, the worse are their downsides. Then personal factor is a thing. You might not been able to put up with your ex not being around often but you might find another person offers you the security and kindness you need so it becomes non issue. You find that different people can offer different things in different ways. Some ways may be more fulfilling.


I think it's better to be more efficient in assertion and insistent in eradicating political talk amongst yourselves. Ask it as a common goal for the future and explain the benefits personally for you and for both of you as a couple and claim you will and offer rewards that you reliably can for the success of the avoidance. People like you and her are dragged easily into debates, particularly when exacerbated past feelings are present, so might need extra help and effort to resist them, as well as her not thinking you're avoiding it for negative purposes or not wanting to solve it but for beneficial things. Sometimes giving up the debate can be a good thing. Satisfaction can be too difficult to obtain for both or either parties because they want to agree and see those points they make and understand them.

Sometimes you can understand why they think something or how it makes sense to them given their key beliefs, but still can't agree because your beliefs are different. And sometimes you can agree with some of their points because obviously no person can have only points you don't understand or disagree with but then on the whole the understanding is different. The whole picture with the way of thinking and the sum of all beliefs can be very different.

You will often see when couples break up they proclaim love. I love you BUT. And that but makes all the difference.

In order to be together there are factors and hard work that have to make the two proper for each other. Things that don't match need to be solved in a way that they don't destroy one of the members so they too can live their dreams and life happy and healthy, with their values. It may take years to solve some things but people will benefit from patience, tolerance and kindness. Together they can be much stronger.

Okay thanks, those are good points. And a couple of people on here pointed out before, that I should break up over this probably, but in my experience, every woman I have dated tests guys, and if it's fair game there, I just figure that if I date someone else, she will test to, even if it's on a completely different subject.

So I just thought best deal with tests and figure out how to make it work, when I really like her, since guys have to pass tests all the time with others anyway?

I never advocating you breaking up with her.

I did sense that she's using the "white privilege" thing to express some sort of discontent with you, without admitting it to you. In other words, using "white privilege" as an excuse.

I don't know if my impression is the correct impression, by the way. I'm just reacting to a bunch of posts written by one person. I'd have to meet you both in person in order to be able to at least somewhat gauge her position on "white privilege," and other things. And how this position impacts your relationship with her.

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply it was you who said that. One other user did before but I cannot find the post now. I wonder if it was deleted.

Oh good lord. is this thread still going?

Yup.

I hope you two are still getting along....and that you have some nice passionate nights.

I don’t delete my posts regardless. I think maybe I mentioned breaking up, but after reading about your situation I don’t think that’s really the best thing to do. Sounds to me like you care about each other and you find certain behaviors confusing. My wife and I are well-matched, but there are still some things she does that leaves me scratching my head. There’s no relationship that doesn’t have some of that, and you wouldn’t love your SO any other way.

Oh okay, and maybe the post was not deleted and I just couldn't find it now. I don't even remember who's post it was now. But thanks.

It was also mentioned on here before, about how she is a supervisor in her job compared to me, but is that a bad thing, or I still don't see how, unless the point was she may look down on me as a result?

Nah. I don't see why it would be that way. I spent about 4 years as a stay-at-home dad after being a washed-up music teacher and quitting teaching piano lessons. Aside from my Sunday gig, I wasn't bringing in much money, while my wife at various times was a paralegal, teller, and then head teller at a couple of different banks. She was defo way ahead of me in terms of earning power. It left me feeling somewhat helpless, but her thing was always that she loved me just for being with her. And I pulled a ton of weight besides by keeping the baby and picking up the older two in the afternoons. To me, the job wasn't all that hard, so I felt guilty for not earning much. But she never accused me of being a bum or anything, and it was really nice.

Circumstances changed once all our kids were in school and we both started working for the school were we sent our kids. I taught a couple of classes, she was a teaching assistant and ran the after school care program, so with me working two jobs and getting raises I earned more than she did, and that put us at about a combined $30k, maybe $35k. My two jobs now pay about that much and SHE's the stay-at-home parent with a new baby. It's not really about competition, just what's going to work best for our family and staying on top of things that matter most.

So if she's "outpacing" you in terms of job/career, don't sweat it. What matters is that she WANTS to be with you for her own reasons.

That's true, and those are good points. Do you think that maybe I just won't understand some of her views at all, and that's okay, even if she comes off as frustrated here and there?

Women who are for them don't suffer misogynism, along with the beliefs. Those women have no interest in other women's wellbeing and desires, or have certain beliefs they would force on others without considering the other viewpoint, much like men but they're not trying to gain out of the certain women's misfortune or control of women like those men do. Not many people are able to understand the feelings and views of people who are childless by choice, they're often judged and forced to fit in, denied rights. That can become very dangerous and a constant nightmare for women in relationships or sexual women.

Beliefs can and do change the world and people don't choose what to believe is another thing that makes laws and rules meant to be freedom very dangerous to certain groups, when there is an attempt to submit brilliant minorities. Minorities such as childless by choice people are more gifted in the smarts areas statistically and are more inclined to make responsible decisions. For example for childhood abuse people with borderline personality disorder in theory and studies the area of the working memory and decision making is increased, others are decreased such as impulse control and regulation area of emotions, and we can observe a higher tendency to swap from opposite emotions but also a longer time to dawn on the emotions. So this group may theoretically make better decisions but the impulse might ruin it.

Agreed.

When looking at Ukrainians leaving their homes, an image pops into my head. They multiply like rats. They have so many children, it's rare to see a woman without a kid. It really shocks me how the world is and how people work. Are we as humans really as shallow and blind, I never came to an answer to that question. The bigger image is frightening. I'm frightened of the truth and ashamed of these facts. I feel just like an alien, when looking at a different species. Humans disgust me, but the thought that most of them are accidentally alive soothes me. But it's probably a lie. Rats are accidental, guided by instinct and lack of knowledge. Humans not so much.

Do other people feel alone in a world of such things?

And sometimes I can't believe how good and easy life must be for a person to have no issue with having kids. Is it stupidity, don't people think or care about divorce or anything in life? And they even think babies are cute and children are good but the science says kids display sociopathic traits and are devoid of capacity of understanding of the world and logic. To view your kid like an animal seems odd especially when you'd like some normal conversation and being silly gets old and want some time alone with your head. Certainly not all people make good parents but they are.
Some people would call it immature but they're kidding if they can enjoy those things. It's rare to see moms happy and not stressed and reactive. They always envy people who have no children and say their life is easy. Isn't the world truly a mystery box.

Women who give up custody or don't fight for it are also judged harshly. But these are women who focus on growing their lives and developing their hobbies and skills, and ones who can accept they're not best fit to take care of those children. Some women seem to be trying to obtain the child custody just because of social shame and to avoid being judged even if they know what's best for the child is something they can't offer and even if they don't actually want it. These things are really not easily understood by many, even if they're other women. Expressing these things in public can even be dangerous, just to show that freedom of speech is not really dependant of laws but of education of the people. People don't tolerate difference. Maybe because it scares and apalls them just as much. But well, I feel the best and happiest when I can talk about such things.