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More Thought on Incels.

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cyberdad
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20 Aug 2021, 10:20 pm

auntblabby wrote:
they haven't got a road map to romance, and even if they did they lack the TOM and social smarts to be able to follow it properly.


This is what I am saying. They i) lack a roadmap and ii) lack the conviction and motivation to follow the roadmap



auntblabby
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20 Aug 2021, 10:31 pm

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they haven't got a road map to romance, and even if they did they lack the TOM and social smarts to be able to follow it properly.


This is what I am saying. They i) lack a roadmap and ii) lack the conviction and motivation to follow the roadmap

to a person they did not have adequate parenting IMHO.



cyberdad
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20 Aug 2021, 10:44 pm

auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they haven't got a road map to romance, and even if they did they lack the TOM and social smarts to be able to follow it properly.


This is what I am saying. They i) lack a roadmap and ii) lack the conviction and motivation to follow the roadmap

to a person they did not have adequate parenting IMHO.


Good question? It's hard to say. In my case my father had zero interest in my personal life. Perhaps that's where they need more guidance.



ezbzbfcg2
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20 Aug 2021, 11:12 pm

cyberdad wrote:
The ones shooting up schools or serial killing seem to be decent looking.


Couple problems here:

You're not a woman. How do you know how "decent looking" they are in the eyes of women? You're perceptions of what you think is decent looking in a man may translate to being ugly/below passing in the eyes of most women. You can't be the judge.

Also, who are all these people you're speaking of? You're the guy who labels any young male mass shooter an "incel."



auntblabby
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20 Aug 2021, 11:14 pm

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they haven't got a road map to romance, and even if they did they lack the TOM and social smarts to be able to follow it properly.


This is what I am saying. They i) lack a roadmap and ii) lack the conviction and motivation to follow the roadmap

to a person they did not have adequate parenting IMHO.


Good question? It's hard to say. In my case my father had zero interest in my personal life. Perhaps that's where they need more guidance.

they were not given good modeling of proper adult behavior. they were left to fend for themselves.



cyberdad
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20 Aug 2021, 11:15 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
You're not a woman. How do you know how "decent looking" they are in the eyes of women? You're perceptions of what you think is decent looking in a man may translate to being ugly/below passing in the eyes of most women. You can't be the judge.


But that's my point, women aren't always judging a guy on looks alone (although let's face it, its important in the selection process).

I never said every incel is a shooter. But a lot of shooters are incels. Think of a venn diagram.



cyberdad
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20 Aug 2021, 11:18 pm

auntblabby wrote:
they were not given good modeling of proper adult behavior. they were left to fend for themselves.


Yes, its a delicate thing and perhaps not having mentoring from peers and/or lacking confidence in themselves.

I still remember walking up to a girl and saying hello was more scary than giving a presentation on a school project in front of 30 classmates and a teacher.



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20 Aug 2021, 11:26 pm

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they were not given good modeling of proper adult behavior. they were left to fend for themselves.


Yes, its a delicate thing and perhaps not having mentoring from peers and/or lacking confidence in themselves. I still remember walking up to a girl and saying hello was more scary than giving a presentation on a school project in front of 30 classmates and a teacher.

i lacked the social graces from the very start, the genes just weren't there, what politesse i have was hard-learned, beaten into me. it is always a calculation and never organically automatic, i have to will it. tough job.



ironpony
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21 Aug 2021, 12:11 am

cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they were not given good modeling of proper adult behavior. they were left to fend for themselves.


Yes, its a delicate thing and perhaps not having mentoring from peers and/or lacking confidence in themselves.

I still remember walking up to a girl and saying hello was more scary than giving a presentation on a school project in front of 30 classmates and a teacher.


I've always found this strange, when guys act like this. I know a guy who is a really good martial artist, and can probably take on three guys in a fight. But he completely freezes when it comes to picking up women. But how are women more scary than guys attacking you...



ezbzbfcg2
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21 Aug 2021, 12:17 am

cyberdad wrote:
But that's my point, women aren't always judging a guy on looks alone (although let's face it, its important in the selection process).

I never said every incel is a shooter. But a lot of shooters are incels. Think of a venn diagram.


I agree, women aren't judging on looks a lone. But looks are most certainly a prerequisite before anything else comes into play.



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21 Aug 2021, 12:23 am

ironpony wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they were not given good modeling of proper adult behavior. they were left to fend for themselves.


Yes, its a delicate thing and perhaps not having mentoring from peers and/or lacking confidence in themselves.

I still remember walking up to a girl and saying hello was more scary than giving a presentation on a school project in front of 30 classmates and a teacher.


I've always found this strange, when guys act like this. I know a guy who is a really good martial artist, and can probably take on three guys in a fight. But he completely freezes when it comes to picking up women. But how are women more scary than guys attacking you...

prolly because he is just aware of the TOM thing to know that he hasn't a clue as to how they think.



ironpony
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21 Aug 2021, 12:35 am

Oh sorry what do you mean by TOM? I couldn't find an acronym that would be as to what you mean.



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21 Aug 2021, 12:59 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh sorry what do you mean by TOM? I couldn't find an acronym that would be as to what you mean.


theory of mind


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ironpony
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21 Aug 2021, 1:03 am

Oh okay, thanks.

auntblabby wrote:
ironpony wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
they were not given good modeling of proper adult behavior. they were left to fend for themselves.


Yes, its a delicate thing and perhaps not having mentoring from peers and/or lacking confidence in themselves.

I still remember walking up to a girl and saying hello was more scary than giving a presentation on a school project in front of 30 classmates and a teacher.


I've always found this strange, when guys act like this. I know a guy who is a really good martial artist, and can probably take on three guys in a fight. But he completely freezes when it comes to picking up women. But how are women more scary than guys attacking you...

prolly because he is just aware of the TOM thing to know that he hasn't a clue as to how they think.


But I don't see how not knowing how women think makes things scary. I know how a gun works more than a woman for example, but that doesn't mean I would rather be faced with a gun if that makes sense?

It's just that women are harmless compared to other things that guys should logically be more afraid of so why be afraid fo someone or something that is harmless?



auntblabby
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21 Aug 2021, 1:13 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, thanks. But I don't see how not knowing how women think makes things scary. I know how a gun works more than a woman for example, but that doesn't mean I would rather be faced with a gun if that makes sense? It's just that women are harmless compared to other things that guys should logically be more afraid of so why be afraid of someone or something that is harmless?

my friend, women are NOT "harmless." they can hurt you bad and plenty if you are unlucky. i hope you NEVER have to find that out for yourself.



ironpony
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21 Aug 2021, 1:18 am

They can hurt you later and badly for sure, but when it comes to approaching women and asking you out, they seem to be harmless in that phase, and even for a first few dates, unless I am wrong?