Slys dating site advice help thread.

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You can be cozy while watching the telly with a man. He can put his head on your shoulder, and vice versa. That’s what I meant when I mentioned “pillows.”

I am curious if now that he's had a night to sleep on it, if sly's more open to the advice on pages ~34/35?

Basically: I wonder if sly's coming around to the idea that there are things he can do to make himself more attractive to potential girlfriends, and then if he's thinking he may give some of them a shot.

Things like mental wellness & balance -> treat & manage his depression.
Health & fitness -> diet & exercise.

IMO, focusing on these things would, bit by bit over time, make sly a happier sly, and thus a more attractive to others sly and he'd eventually achieve his end goal of having a girlfriend by shifting his focus from seeking one to building himself up to enable himself to attract one.

This process isn't new groundbreaking only found here on sly's wp thread advice. It's pretty generic "passed the test of time," sort of stuff that's held true for countless generations of men. For sly's sake, his happiness & well being, I do hope that he at least considers it and it'd be even better to read an update post that he's opted to give it a go and see how things go, if life becomes a little more tolerable, if life becomes a little easier, if life becomes a little better, if his interactions with others - even coworkers & customers, become a little less difficult.. all those things. Trying to focus on all of them, or even one or two, and "fix," them via whatever means is next to impossible.. but focusing on oneself first & foremost makes all of those other things just sort of start to fall into place at the same time.

Ready yet, sly?

I'm sorry, Fluffy, if I upset you.

It was quite unintentional.

I have come to realize that the "hard sell" doesn't work with some people. I used to rely exclusively on it. I realize now that being absolutely direct with advice doesn't always work. It makes the recipient of the advice rebellious at times. I've been the "rebellious recipient."

In the "advice-giving" business, one has to know one's audience. I'm still working at it. I've had my advice shoved down my throat (with a great deal of profanity sometimes). This adversity has taught me well.

I’m not required to like everyone here.
Since he got his new girlfriend he’s joined the ranks of the haves and telling us lowly single men to just be happy single and stop complain, about how we don’t meed a gf, easy said when he now has one and while he didn’t have one he also constantly complained about not having one and feeling sad. He’s like your child hood friend who grew up poor then got a good job and married into a rich family who now treats you like s**t. A turn coat. Though to be honest I never did much care for his views on fat women. Which put us at odds sometimes. But now that he’s gone full you don’t need a gf but I have one, I can’t stand him anymore. I’m sure other single guys have notice his attitude shift. I’ll stick with outrider and other singles and the few nice coupled people like you. Even dare I say it boo, even though he has a gf and countless past sexual partners hasn’t taken that attitude.

Not better then being with the right person. And every wrong person started out as the right person. It’s better to loved and lost then never loved at all.

Well, sly's the one who posted a thread requesting dating site help & advice, so, he's getting it.

What's he expect? 100 pages of chitchat BS "noise," & no point blank advice "signal?"

Too bad. For at least 5 years he's been posting the same complaints and requesting the same advice & then, seemingly so, not acting on it.

With anything in life, actions speak louder than words.. but sometimes it's loud words that spur people into action.

It doesn't bother me that sly doesn't particularly like me. I haven't done anything nasty towards him. I've simply cut to the chase and told him the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts & so sly reacts to it negatively. So be it if that's a part of the process to get him to learn something new he's been refusing to accept.

You post a thread opening asking for help & advice, here's your help & advice. Now the only way any of it does any potential good is if sly acts upon it.

My prediction? He'll ignore it, whether from myself or retro or hale_bopp (sp?) or anyone else, and carry on waiting until someone posts something consoling to him like "Oh sly, you poor dear. ALL women in the world are to blame for not being attracted to suicidally depressed men with zero ambition to think & feel better, get into better physical shape, or build themselves up to being able to work a little more and earn a little more money. The entire world should just flip a switch and change eons of evolution of women seeking alpha male providers and shift over to loving those who can't even love themselves. That's the way it ought to be!!" Newsflash: Never. Gonna. Happen.

Either he's asking for advice because he wants it and will take it into consideration & perhaps act upon some of it, or he's not and this should be titled "sly just needs to vent about things he's unwilling to even consider attempting to change about himself."

I don’t have the qualities that matter in this superficial world. And that’s all that matters. My quality’s are considered default human, and as such can be found in guys who have the other qualities women want. So it’s those other qualities(income, status, etc) that really matter. It’s not true my qualities are found in most guys but that doesn’t matter it’s preceived that all guys have them. I dont know why. Most people aren’t decent humans. They cheat, lie, steal, and hurt whoever they need to to get ahead in life. Most people only care about themselves. So someone who cares more about others is rare in my opinion. Which is why there’s shows and specials about them. But yet the perception is all men are that way or should be that way. I dont know.either way my qualities are seen as things every man should have and not special.

He’s had multiple relationships he’s very clearly relationship material. To not be relationship material would mean no woman will date you. If this one fails he’ll find another one in few months or less. Like the last one. He has what women want. He’s relationship material.

You view it that way, I don't.

I don't see retro saying any such things. I do see him suggesting that your complaining isn't getting you anywhere closer to having a gf, so why not stop complaining and start doing things to improve yourself and make yourself more attractive? That's legitimate, genuine, advice. It's also advice he's not just giving, but advice he's followed himself & proven that it's resulted in him being a more datable guy, so he's shared that with you in hopes that you may follow suit and realize that if you keep doing as you're doing you'll remain as undatable as you feel now, but if you choose to improve yourself, your dating potential will improve. That's it that's all. I have never once seen him post a "I have a gf, you don't," sort of shove it in your face kind of post. At all. Stop twisting others' genuinely caring advice to you into personal attacks to suit your pessimistic views.

I figured you would say that LOL

I guess you have a certain style that you are consistent with, that you feel comfortable with.

We're all "working on this." We're all seeking to find something which works with most people. It's really a matter of the advice-giver's personality. It wouldn't be "real" for me to adopt a "tough" approach; I would seem phony.

It is well known that the best therapists are the ones who are able to adjust their style to each of their "clients."

Yes and no, some people are so desperate to be in a relationship, any relationship, that they'll enter a relationship for the sake of being in one at all even though they know that person isn't right for them. That does happen. It's not anything I'd ever choose for myself, but some people do.

So, what are you doing about improving the qualities in yourself that you feel others are attracted to but you are lacking?

So, based on what characteristics you consider "relationship material," that you're currently lacking, what are you doing to build up those characteristics in yourself in order to become "relationship material," that will be capable of attracting a girlfriend?

Advice like here let me look at your dating profile and suggest changes, have you tried ____ . What about ____ women.

Advice like “just be happy alone and stop complaining” is not welcome nor what I sought.

I started this thread to comment on ,my attempts and women who message me and to get advice in how to respond, I thought it’d be on going instead it turned into people telling me I’m not good enough to date and to just be happy alone.

Like some guy man I have dance and I’m dying what’s advice,
“Just be happy and comptent your dying man”

No one just has to be happy with itht he crap in life. People have a right to be sad and complain.the just be happy mindset is more about how their complaining effects others who’d rather they just shut up. But you don’t have to read my threads or posts. My complaining doesn’t have to bother you.

You're a fox, Sly.

You are "dating material."

In the 1970s, if you were called a "fox," it meant that you were really cool, and really good-looking.