More Thought on Incels.

Post Reply New Topic

I think that sucks but there is a kernel of truth there. Yep, most women are picky, But I don't think its the lack of sexual experience that's the biggest turn-off (maybe only if they want a hookup and need performance). I actually think the woman perceives the man to be a loser if they are a virgin. Alpha males on the hand who have slept with 500 girls exude confidence with women and that is attractive to many NT women. Performance in bed is a bonus.

let me count the ways i've experienced-
*they may already have a bruiser of a bf who is their backup when they suddenly grow horns and belittle you in psychologically devastating ways esp. in public.
*they can look down at you like you were a bug in their eyes.
*they can string you along and use you as a bank or free labor.
*they can play "head games" to make you think you're ok in their eyes, then suddenly go cold, then warm, then cold etc. designed to keep you off-balance.
*worst of all, they can decide to "ghost" you without any explanation.

granted, this can work both ways, female->male and male->female. humans tend not to be anything to write home about.

So...you think prostitution will help them? I don't object on a moral basis, but still risky and illegal for most.

i know for a fact that if only i had access to a sex worker when i was young, i would not be messed up today.

It wasn't a question for me but I think yes, absolutely.

They offer no help in gaining you social skills but at least you won't give off that vibe of being completely blinkered to what people are like naked. Just the fear of what sex might be like for the first time is enough to put people off having sex I think, especially at an older age. I know for a fact I would be terrified of taking my pants off Infront of a woman right now if I didn't lose my virginity in my teens.

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with that. Everyone finds their feet at their own pace. I've known a few men who didn't know what they wanted and it's been better for them to get to know themselves rather than mess other people about.

I know an Aspie guy who just found dating stressful and couldn't click with anyone throughout his 20s. He exuded a sense of sadness that he just couldn't make it work. We tried hanging out together (it wasn't serious dating) and we had nothing to talk about, so much so that he seemed uncomfortable, like he was wearing an over-starched shirt.

He's married now and seems to have found someone on his wavelength that he's actually comfortable with. They gave each other a knowing look the other day and I thought, that's awesome, he's finally with someone who gets him.

Patience paid off. He never hid away and sulked. He tried to take an interest in people and be social, but still made time for quite alone time and recharging. He never became NT, but he found ways to adapt that were true to himself.

It is possible.

Learning how to be friends with others before forcing yourself into dating is good because it helps you to develop communication skills. Those skills will be useful in dating scenarios and relationships.

Yeah I hope it works for you as well, you find somebody on your wavelength. Yes I agree, being friendly is better than being romantic first but I guess there are couples who click (love at first sight) like in the novels.

I think being friendly with everyone in general can help too, not just because one of those friendships may turn into something, but because you gain more social skills.

I had to learn how to behave through trial and error. I made a lot of mistakes. I feel sorry for people I knew in my late teens and early 20s because I was so blunt lol. But meeting new people and interacting from people from all sorts of backgrounds has been really helpful to me.

I do think moving around different towns and changing jobs can be a good thing. I know that's not for everyone, but I think staying in my home town and in the same job would not have helped me develop at all.

Well it's just when it comes to this idea that guys should form relationships first before trying sex, the problem with that is, is that most women want sex first before moving to a relationship stage. And most women do not like guys that are virgins.

So I feel that saying guys should try a relationship before sex, is like putting the cart before the horse in most womens eyes. And I do not understand the benefit of putting the cart before the horse, especially if most women will not accept putting a cart before the horse way.

Relationships are a lot more complex than being ready for sex. It takes only a few dates to be ready for sex but what someone plays out like over a longer period of time needed for a relationship is anyone's guess. After 6 months people might struggle to maintain a relationship despite it appearing good at first.

When I was much younger, like in college, I always thought a serious relationship was easier to come by than casual sex. My logic was that women go exclusively for looks and fancy cars when it comes to casual sex, but they're willing to consider good morals and kind personality for a serious relationship. I had plenty of the latter, but none of the former. So I put two and two together, and started aiming for a serious relationship.

Of course, with my black-and-white thinking, when I met a new girl, I always rushed things. That is, trying to fast-forward from a first date to full-on commitment. That didn't end well. Even my first girlfriend lost interest after a few months; I knew it when she didn't want to dance in a cuddle at the winter dance we went to together.

The best way to help both incels (lowercase) and Incels (uppercase) is to educate them on the inner workings of sexual attraction and evolutionary biology. This way, they'll learn what women are attracted to, and use that information in their favor. Such education is to incels/Incels as Pfizer/Moderna is to Biden-19.

Depends who you associate with. I'm saying try platonic relationships to understand how to talk to other humans, especially those of the opposite sex.

This is off-base, because it has a "let them eat cake!" tone to it. Platonic friendships are well and good, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING can help a young man's personal growth like having a girlfriend at a young age. First and most important, he learns what it's like to be desired, not liked "liked as a person". Second, coming to a couple-centric event with a date is a self-esteem booster like no other, even if a man's date is unattractive. Third, he gets to feel normal, which is a breath of fresh air after many years of not fitting in.

That's why I did everything I could to find a girlfriend back in college. Which I did, even if it didn't last. And even though she was boring and unattractive, I was still in love with her. After all, I wasn't stupid. With an ugly face and no car, I had no right to insist on having a fun, attractive girlfriend.

Well, yes I do relate to that myself. It's nice to feel desired and yes this really is what some young men want. You have valid points, but sometimes that's just not possible for someone at this point in their lives.

But I was moving away from that because of my conversation with CyberDad about not knowing what you want when you're young and I was thinking of a friend of mine who is quite happy on his own and travelling in his spare time.

My point is more that if you don't feel like the mainstream rate of dating progression is for you then go your own way. It worked out for CyberDad and other people I know.

I understand what you are going through (went through?) as a younger man but this type of thinking isn't going to make you happy or satisfied later in life. It's also not fair to the girl. I had a number of plain looking girls who showed me that I was the one and they liked me. I too had to ease them down slowly that (unfortunately) I didn't think of them the same way. One or two were really bitter (I mean stalker type) but they ended up finding people to love later and I was happy for them.

Conversely I hung out with girls who had lots/plenty of options and I was playing the odds that being friends they would fall in love with me if I hung out with them long enough. That doesn't pay dividends and I wasted a lot of my time which I could have invested in more productive pursuits.

But hey! that what being young is about. It's like the Alainis Morrisette song - you live you learn.

Yes! travel for me was what opened my mind to the possibilities. It helped me to grow as a person. It helped me to see the rest of the world is different on the surface, but people are the same underneath everywhere.